Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Dear Michael,


I think you will in fact find that it is a picture of you dressed up as a laydee, and the caption should read something along the lines of; "Please Michael, would you wash your pits and use some lifeguard? The overpowering stench of cabbage is terrifying the livestock"

*fades in*

*Looks around at the festive decoration*

*Looks down at himself. Still in black and white and not looking very festive*

*Steps out of black and white and hangs it up on the coat rack for future use*

*Emerges from his retro folly, resplendent in a red jumper embroidered with snowflakes, bobble hat, green tweed plus-fours and black patent leather hobnails.*

*Takes up Waterford Crystal pint pot and fills it with port from the decanter.*

*Shakes left boot to dislodge Bat dog?s amorous attentions*

*Pulls up a chair by the fireplace*

*Opens a leather bound book: ?The Complete Dialogues of Plato?*

*Starts reading a copy of ?Judge Dredd vs. Lobo: Psycho-Bikers vs. The Mutants From Hell? hidden between the pages*

*Slides in, feeling "blue". Eyes light up with the warm glow of the open fire and the fairy lights*

*feels spirits lifting already*

*notices Brendan, looking the part, reading Plato*

*poor guy is smirking - the text is obviously too difficult for him*

*opens the no.11 window on the Advent Calender since nobody else has bothered*

*....what? a pile of sherbert fountains - yippee!*

*Gets halfway through a wolf whistle before remembering himself and cutting it short*

*Blimey that?s just brought back a boyhood memory of the year the Vicar?s wife played Mrs Claus in the Christmas Charity Play*

*Shifts around uncomfortably in his chair*

*Wipes mince pie and sherbet from his jumper and refills crystal pint pot with port*

*Offers decanter around*

*Tries to banish image of Keef and Dawn French from his mind*

*French... French.. Where have I seen that lately?*

*Spots a French horn*

*Unhooks the Super-Megatron Nuclear Space Blaster ? from its home above the fireplace*

*Sets dial 1 to Silent*

*Sets dial 2 to Sub Atomic Dystrophy*

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • They'd been there for days but I hadn't tied them to this thread. Nice work, it was bugging me!
    • Off topic, but when I was a kid in Streatham, long ago, apart from the milkman (rarely if ever milkwoman),  who also delivered yoghurt - very exotic - in little glass jars, we also had regular deliveries of coal, bread and cheesecakes (not the kind we know now, they had coconut on top), fruit and veg,  and paraffin (both pink and blue). I'm not entirely sure we have lost "something amazing" by buying milk in shops. The glass bottles were left on the doorstep and the metallic tops were pecked through by birds getting at the cream/milk. Or else the bottles were nicked.  And then there was the rag and bone man.... bell and horse and cart, just like Steptoe. God I'm old. We didn't have supermarket deliveries. We didn't have supermarkets. I remember the first supermarket opening in Streatham. It  was quite amazing having to walk round and  put your own shopping in a basket. As you were ..... Sorry OP and admin.
    • Yep, I hear you. Been waiting for modern milkman to these parts and plan to try them out. I still remember Dennis, our Egg-man, from my childhood, who used to deliver dozens in his Citroen 2C and came to collect the boxes the following week. Happy Days. 
    • I always feel we lost something amazing when we moved away from home milk delivery with glass bottles using electric floats to driving to supermarkets and buying milk in plastic bottles. Hindsight says we should have valued the good old milky more 
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...