Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Dear Michael,


I think you will in fact find that it is a picture of you dressed up as a laydee, and the caption should read something along the lines of; "Please Michael, would you wash your pits and use some lifeguard? The overpowering stench of cabbage is terrifying the livestock"

*fades in*

*Looks around at the festive decoration*

*Looks down at himself. Still in black and white and not looking very festive*

*Steps out of black and white and hangs it up on the coat rack for future use*

*Emerges from his retro folly, resplendent in a red jumper embroidered with snowflakes, bobble hat, green tweed plus-fours and black patent leather hobnails.*

*Takes up Waterford Crystal pint pot and fills it with port from the decanter.*

*Shakes left boot to dislodge Bat dog?s amorous attentions*

*Pulls up a chair by the fireplace*

*Opens a leather bound book: ?The Complete Dialogues of Plato?*

*Starts reading a copy of ?Judge Dredd vs. Lobo: Psycho-Bikers vs. The Mutants From Hell? hidden between the pages*

*Slides in, feeling "blue". Eyes light up with the warm glow of the open fire and the fairy lights*

*feels spirits lifting already*

*notices Brendan, looking the part, reading Plato*

*poor guy is smirking - the text is obviously too difficult for him*

*opens the no.11 window on the Advent Calender since nobody else has bothered*

*....what? a pile of sherbert fountains - yippee!*

*Gets halfway through a wolf whistle before remembering himself and cutting it short*

*Blimey that?s just brought back a boyhood memory of the year the Vicar?s wife played Mrs Claus in the Christmas Charity Play*

*Shifts around uncomfortably in his chair*

*Wipes mince pie and sherbet from his jumper and refills crystal pint pot with port*

*Offers decanter around*

*Tries to banish image of Keef and Dawn French from his mind*

*French... French.. Where have I seen that lately?*

*Spots a French horn*

*Unhooks the Super-Megatron Nuclear Space Blaster ? from its home above the fireplace*

*Sets dial 1 to Silent*

*Sets dial 2 to Sub Atomic Dystrophy*

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Do they have veggie options?
    • There has been a major flood at Medivet Lordship Lane. Staff have temporarily relocated to the New Cross branch. Repairs expected to take 2 months.
    • Tiddles  The new Upland Road school street runs from the junction with Dunstans Road to the junction with Goodrich Road. It also includes the short part of Goodrich Road between Upland Road and Dunstans Road. Tomskip I used 0800 138 9081 then option 3 The first person I spoke to didn't know anything about it but when I rang a second time the person I spoke to had to download something to give me access to it. It has been planned for ages and was supposed to start today but there are no signposts up yet. There is another separate school street which covers Etherow street and Friern Road between Goodrich Road and Lordship Lane.
    • Hi! We’re moving house and are looking for a freestanding fridge freezer or an individual fridge or freezer. Thanks!
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...