a joke

[TwisttBllen]

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero" The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but sitting here and just fishing is cool."

:)-D

[TwisttBllen]

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.

When asked to define "Great" he said,

"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"

He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages for the dumb users and smart users :))

[Huguenot]

I don't get the frog joke. I'm sure I'm not the only one?

[Salsaboy]

I didn't get it either.

[Salsaboy]

Whilst on holiday in Thailand recently, I nearly ended up in bed with a ladyboy. She looked like a lady, walked like a lady, talked like a lady.

It was only when she drove me back to her place and reversed her car into the parking spot 1st time that I thought 'hang on a minute.....'

[Jah Lush]

A man phones his local hobby shop and asks "Do you have a model of an Italian cruise liner?"

The shop owner replies "Yes we've got just one left ".

"Oh that?s great," says the man, "can you put it on one side for me?".

[Salsaboy]

Womans voice - 'Please can I have a go?'

Mans voice - 'No!'

Womans voice - 'Go on, let me drive'

Mans voice - 'No. I'm not letting you'

Womans voice - 'I'll give you a blow job if you let me drive'

Further transcripts from the Costa Concordia black box as I get them.

[right-clicking]

There are these cakes that are so cheap that it's expensive not to bake them

[Huguenot]

I don't get that one.

[Lost Yorkshire Man]

right-clicking Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> There are these cakes that are so cheap that it's

> expensive not to bake them

errrrr - anyone????

[Sue]

Lost Yorkshire Man Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> right-clicking Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > There are these cakes that are so cheap that

> it's

> > expensive not to bake them

>

>

> errrrr - anyone????

xxxxxx

Well I get it, but it's not funny ......

:))

[Loz]

You want to explain, Sue?

[TillieTrotter]

Take a look at damnyouautocorrect.com. I cried with laughter for about an hour last night reading some of these.

[Huguenot]

http://parentsshouldnttext.com/img/aunt-died.jpg

[Huguenot]

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/images/aunt-haircut.jpg

[Huguenot]

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/images/butterpecan.jpg

[El Pibe]

I'm actually crying at work with some of these.

"Its nicely trimmed" actually drew a few glances I laughed so hard!

[Huguenot]

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/406890_3131718649894_1172591611_33333168_1411089315_n.jpg

[El Pibe]

http://damnyouautocorrect.com/images/want-to-take-anal.jpg

it's the triumphal "I knew it" that makes it.

[Ridgley]

Did you hear about the irishman that went to the car boot sale? he drove in backwards and sold the engine

[Ridgley]

The drunken defendant appears yet again before the tired judge, who says, "You have been constantly appearing before me for the past twenty years." Replied the drunk: "Can I help it if you can't get promoted?"

[Ridgley]

2 bats in a cave and they haven't had any blood for weeks. sod this says 1 of the bats im going off to see if i can find any blood. ok says the other bat. 15 minutes later the bat comes back dripping in blood all over his face. the bat that stayed at the cave said, where the hell did you get all that blood from?'.

well says the blooded bat. See that big field over there?, yeah says the other bat. well see that big tree?, yeah says the other bat. the blooded bat says. 'well i didn't!'

[El Pibe]

I'm pretty sure 'Irishman' jokes have been replaced with the 'David Beckham' or 'Blonde' joke these days Ridgely.

[Jah Lush]

Or people from Essex. I was slanderously called a racist for telling an Irish joke on here a while back by Mick Mac. Well, he is Irish and fair play to him he'd made a good point and I felt a bit ashamed and chastised for doing so. It certainly isn't PC. So, instead I'm gonna tell a Moldovian joke.

Andrei says to Nicolai "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Nicolai says: "Well, the joke's on them because I wasn't even home yesterday."

.

.

.

.

I'll get my coat.

[Parkdrive]

Kenny Dalglish has rubbished reports that Andy Carroll will be shown the door this month, he said" we showed him it last month and he couldn't find it!"