The Old Fogies Thread

[EDOldie]

MP perhaps you need a spin doctor.

[HonaloochieB]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Fiona Bruce, just out of a gymslip...... oh my.

> Where are my heart pills? The little orange ones.

MP, for heavens sake, they're on the tallboy where they usually are. Look, next to the Virol.

[Michael Palaeologus]

What are these blue diamond shape pills? I'll try one ...

::o

Now, that hasnt happened for a decade or two.

[HonaloochieB]

MP, I'm afraid I have to remind you that LSD is in fact illegal these days.

Though, I can remember when it was a florin a tab.

Mind it was all fields round here then.

Red they were, with sprites living on the tip of each blade of grass.

[HonaloochieB]

Ruddy flashbacks.

[citizenED]

Zimmered past some baggy-panted youth earlier and winced at the raucous cacophony that could be called "music" emanating from his tiny radiogram. And it was deafening too. The children of today have got it all back to front. the conventional etiquette is; music soothing, tevevision LOUD.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Does anybody else find this damp weather bad for the rhuematics?

I spent most of the morning walking around bent double.

[Brendan]

Yes, Eurythmics, that grandson of mine listens to them. Terrible racket, like a bent shovel.

[david_carnell]

I thought the amnesia had rendered this thread forgotten.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Stand by your beds chaps:free bowls in Peckham Rye - see thread in ED section.

Better slip a tablet under your tongues.

[louisiana]

I've mislaid me plus fours and me walking stick.

My memory's not what it was...

Spit and polish.

[Michael Palaeologus]

"Free Bowels"? Are you sure? I could do with some new ones, mine arent as reliable as they once were.

[macker]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> "Free Bowels"? Are you sure? I could do with some

> new ones, mine aren't as reliable as they once

> were.

You're full of crap.

[Michael Palaeologus]

Clearly one of those foul mouthed youngsters.

Sod off, before you go, empty my bag.

[HonaloochieB]

Can I just speak to any young people who might have wandered onto this thread by accident. Honestly, it's lovely to see you in all your shiny-cheeked pulchritude.

It's not that you're not welcome here EXACTLY it's just that when it comes down to it, when all's said and done I revert to fat bastard bellowing type and I find myself shouting,

SOD OFF DOWN YOUR OWN ENDS!!

I KNOW YOUR PARENTS!!

Funny, ain't it?

[HonaloochieB]

It's all very well and everything, and I understand that he was allowed to do it by Tony Blair.

I don't think that any laws have been broken. But is having a scotch bloke in charge of the country, really allowed?

I don't think it's happened before, unless I'm completely wrong about the scotch thing. But could I be?

Certainly not as far as I can see from The Daily Express, I reckon it goes ahead with it's drumming proprieter Richard Desmond who thankfully appears to like our Prime Minister.

Jigger me, you get the impression that Mr Desmond is generous enough to like any old Prime Minister.

It makes you think, doesn't it?

[Michael Palaeologus]

Thinking, I remember Thinking. Well, actually I dont, I dont remember much anymore.

I remember Capstan Full Strength. Made skunk look like sweet cigarettes.

Why would you smoke a North American mammal anyway?

Youngsters! Pah!

[HonaloochieB]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Thinking, I remember Thinking. Well, actually I

> dont, I dont remember much anymore.

>

> I remember Capstan Full Strength. Made skunk look

> like sweet cigarettes.

>

> Why would you smoke a North American mammal

> anyway?

>

> Youngsters! Pah!

Sweet cigarettes were of course the fine and correct way to introduce children to chocolate cigars. And once they'd chewed down on them they were more than prepared for the strength of the liqourish pipe with the aniseed topping.

Youngsters today, they go straight to Lambert And Butler. No class, can't even start on Consulate.

T'chah.

[HonaloochieB]

The Mighty Boosh? Haven't watched it yet. I've a feeling in my water I won't like it.

[HonaloochieB]

And I'm someone who's both listened to The Goons and watched Monty Python's Flying Circus under the flak of a father's sarcasm.

So don't come it with me, Sonny Jim.

[Michael Palaeologus]

HonaloochieB, you are talking to yourself again you daft old bastard. You have stopped taking your medication havent you?

The Mighty Boosh is the thing they stick up your arse to help you go, thats exactly what it does. I had a lovely Philipino nurse do it for me; mind you that was 40 years ago in Manila when I didnt need any help going.

[HonaloochieB]

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> HonaloochieB, you are talking to yourself again

> you daft old bastard. You have stopped taking your

> medication havent you?

>

> The Mighty Boosh is the thing they stick up your

> arse to help you go, thats exactly what it does. I

> had a lovely Philipino nurse do it for me; mind

> you that was 40 years ago in Manila when I didnt

> need any help going.

MP, I'm going to have to take you point by point.

I'm not talking to myself, again. Unless you can prove I've done it before, then I'm saying something for the first time.

Unless what I just said counts and that would be a second time. But I don't pretend to be a mathematician, so I'm not perhaps qualified to make a judgement on the matter. So really if I'm anything I'm a philoshipher. Unless I'm not. Which is probable, if not possible. Isn't it?

Daft? if I am, then I wouldn't know, would I? I may well be. So perhaps I am a philosopher after all? Who knows? Do you? Do I? Do anyone?

Old? Yes, OK, but how could you tell from there? Bastard? Never! Birth certificate to prove it.

The Mighty Boosh, being a thing you have shoved up your arse? To make you go? By a Philpino nurse? Who is lovely?

I'd rather that than a 'comedy' show.

[HonaloochieB]

Oh, and as for the medication? Stopped taking it? Nonsense. It's just taking effect.

I'm seeing beauty in everything.

[Michael Palaeologus]

He's raving again. Living in a world of his own. Its all fantasy.

My Granny thinks he is barking mad, we spent the whole afternoon talking about it. She say's that the King will visit us soon and will heal everybody with rickets simply by touching them.

Whats that box in the corner? Its talking to me.

[HonaloochieB]

With all due respect to your Granny, but is she off her ruddy chump?

Do you think his courtiers will allow the King to go around touching the ricket-infested? He'll be going back to the palace riddled with scrofula, nits and scurvy like as not. Then he'll go off on state visits to other monarchs and pass them on to them, they'll get their armies involved and before you know it, war with the likes of Belgium.

I'm sure your Granny is all well and good but she should stick to her rocking chair and mithering the cat.

When it coms to international diplomacy, she's not seeing the big picture.