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mockney piers

By mockney piers
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Alan Medic

Alan Medic

Posted
Posted

Rick O?Shea, an Irish radio DJ on RTE?s 2fm, recently asked his listeners what questions they think should be asked on an Irish citizenship test, and they responded with some amusing answers. O?Shea?s team has since made a poster to convey all the favourite responses.


You are told that someone is "going spare," should you (a) Find him a job (b) Find him a girlfriend © Avoid him

Do your parents ever start conversations with "Do you know who's dead?"

Ming the Merciless is (a) A comic book character (b) A TD and Mayor from Co. Roscommon

What is a holy show? (a) Religious programming (b) Something garish worn without the wearer knowing the impact

Do you live in immortal fear of leaving the immersion on?

Someone says "I like your top." Your response is (a) Thanks (b) Penneys

If a feature on the RTE news reports that an incident took place at tea time what time did the incident occur?

"Story horse!" translates as (a) A child's toy (b) A greeting between friends

"Bleedin rappih" means (a) It's very fast (b) It's very good

If someone was a 'gas man', would they (a) work for the gas company (b) be really funny

You'll get "some land" means (a) you're about to become the owner of some property (b) you're about to be surprised

Do you have an ineradicable belief in the restorative powers of flat 7up?

When you're telling someone a great yarn and they implore you to "Stop," do you (a) stop (b) keep going with gusto

If someone offers to "put you in the pot", should you (a) flee from the cannibals (b) accept their kind offer of dinner

  • 2 weeks later...
ruffers

ruffers

Posted
Posted

http://www.michelinguides.com/


Michelin restaurant guides have issued a cease-and-desist notice to a blogger who has nabbed the URL michelinguides.com and filled it with photoshopped pictures of European football boss and 1984 European Championship top goalscorer Michel Platini.


The blogger bought the domain, retitled it "Michel In Guides" and filled it with images of Michel Platini, the former Juventus footballer and current President of UEFA, wodged onto pictures of guides: girl guides, gardening guides, tour guides and dog training guides.

Sue

Sue

Posted
Posted

I have no idea who Joe Grint is, but anyway apparently this was pinched off him according to Facebook. And hey it's about Waitrose.


Pinched off Joe Grint x


UK supermarket chain Waitrose has withdrawn its popular ?essential? range after discovering that the cut-price products had led to a number of poor people shopping there.


The discount brand, launched in 2009 to help Waitrose?s core customer base cope with the recession without having to downgrade one of their Range Rovers, was proving extremely successful. This success appears to have come at a price though, with the unwanted side effect of attracting the working class.


?At first it worked fine, our regular shoppers were delighted with the new range, and common people were still put off by the Waitrose branding? explained marketing director Rupert Thomas, ?but as we advertised more, and made the mistake of including the prices of products in our TV commercials, we began to see some undesirable characters appearing in our aisles, enticed in by the prospect of finding a tin of beans for under ?5, which they previously hadn?t expected from us. One horrid man even came in wearing a Hi-Vis vest looking for a sandwich. It was awful.?


The popularity of the ?essential? range had seen it quickly expand to include affordable versions of many foodstuffs and household items. To make matters worse Waitrose also starting pointing out that many of their prices were the same as those found in Tescos, attracting even more lower class shoppers and alienating many of their existing clientele. ?It was so demeaning finding out that I wasn?t paying any more for my groceries than a common chav? moaned former Waitrose customer Emily Hamilton-Brown. ?I?ve gone back to doing my weekly shop at Fortnum & Mason now, just to make sure I don?t accidentally purchase something that?s buy-one-get-one-free.?


?Hopefully withdrawing the products and stopping the adverts will stop any additional commoners coming in,? continued Mr Thomas, ?but we still have the problem of getting rid of the ones that have already started shopping with us. They?re still turning up, wandering around looking a bit lost and not buying anything. We?re thinking of putting up signs outside pointing out that Lidl down the road has some great deals on, or maybe we?ll just put down some traps baited with chicken nuggets so we can catch them humanely and release them in Asda.?

El Pibe

El Pibe

Posted
Posted

I SOO want a copy of "No Book For Fools"


[T]he sight of Britain?s young men slouching like dead tramps in a canoe was enough to make a chap want to take a ferula to their sit-upons.



http://nationalofficeofimportance.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/sit-up-straight-1946.html

 

Dopamine1979

Dopamine1979

Posted
Posted

Sue Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I have no idea who Joe Grint is, but anyway

> apparently this was pinched off him according to

> Facebook. And hey it's about Waitrose.

>

> Pinched off Joe Grint x

>

> UK supermarket chain Waitrose has withdrawn its

> popular ?essential? range after discovering that

> the cut-price products had led to a number of poor

> people shopping there.

>

> The discount brand, launched in 2009 to help

> Waitrose?s core customer base cope with the

> recession without having to downgrade one of their

> Range Rovers, was proving extremely successful.

> This success appears to have come at a price

> though, with the unwanted side effect of

> attracting the working class.

>

> ?At first it worked fine, our regular shoppers

> were delighted with the new range, and common

> people were still put off by the Waitrose

> branding? explained marketing director Rupert

> Thomas, ?but as we advertised more, and made the

> mistake of including the prices of products in our

> TV commercials, we began to see some undesirable

> characters appearing in our aisles, enticed in by

> the prospect of finding a tin of beans for under

> ?5, which they previously hadn?t expected from us.

> One horrid man even came in wearing a Hi-Vis vest

> looking for a sandwich. It was awful.?

>

> The popularity of the ?essential? range had seen

> it quickly expand to include affordable versions

> of many foodstuffs and household items. To make

> matters worse Waitrose also starting pointing out

> that many of their prices were the same as those

> found in Tescos, attracting even more lower class

> shoppers and alienating many of their existing

> clientele. ?It was so demeaning finding out that I

> wasn?t paying any more for my groceries than a

> common chav? moaned former Waitrose customer Emily

> Hamilton-Brown. ?I?ve gone back to doing my weekly

> shop at Fortnum & Mason now, just to make sure I

> don?t accidentally purchase something that?s

> buy-one-get-one-free.?

>

> ?Hopefully withdrawing the products and stopping

> the adverts will stop any additional commoners

> coming in,? continued Mr Thomas, ?but we still

> have the problem of getting rid of the ones that

> have already started shopping with us. They?re

> still turning up, wandering around looking a bit

> lost and not buying anything. We?re thinking of

> putting up signs outside pointing out that Lidl

> down the road has some great deals on, or maybe

> we?ll just put down some traps baited with chicken

> nuggets so we can catch them humanely and release

> them in Asda.?


Funny stuff.


On a serious note I tried some of their 'Essential' pasta (fusilli) from Ocado and it was awful.

El Pibe

El Pibe

Posted
Posted

Huguenot Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I must have missed something? I can't identify the

> quote or the book?



Erm, it's a blog that pastiches national information campaigns, it's pure genius throughout.

Follow linky and enjoy.

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