Things you say to yourself upon leaving your front door.

[AllforNun]

I like to say "spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch"

......anyone else ?

[Huguenot]

Good heavens, I say that too.

But I think it's the instructions for Catholics when making, you know, the sign.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Why have you just left your keys inside?

[Long suffering neighbour, fed up with me clambering over his fence, now kindly keeps a spare.]

[*Bob*]

I rarely leave the house these days.

I'm too busy working on my latest project, provisionally entitled 'Jamie Oliver: The Musical'

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Please sir, can I have some morels, lightly sauted?

edited for elusive word

[*Bob*]

The casting is giving everyone a real headache.

Jamie want Hugh Grant to play the lead, but Hugh won't do it unless his contract stipulates 'no prosthetic bitch tits'.

[HonaloochieB]

*Bob* Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> The casting is giving everyone a real headache.

>

> Jamie want Hugh Grant to play the lead, but Hugh

> won't do it unless his contract stipulates 'no

> prosthetic bitch tits'.

Give it Merryl Streep, give her a chance to expand her repertoire of accents.

[*Bob*]

Streep can't do it.

She's tied-up making a CGI-laden sequel to that one where the dingo eats her kid.

Worrall-Thompson's in (of course) - reprising his role as the dwarf from Lord of the Rings. And Rhodes will cameo as long as there's no dancing involved. But who can play Jamie.. that's the question.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

Roy Hattersley?

[Jah Lush]

Himself of course. Another string to his bow. The all-singing, dancing and cooking skills of Mistah Jamie Oliver, you're favourite mockney cockney cunt.

[*Bob*]

Jules won't let him.

She's put her foot down - it's the kids (Poppy Melon, Abercrombie, Fitch and Pukka) she's thinking of.

[Keef]

Danny Dyre, he's always up for sounding as cockney as possible, and he and Jules can have a row so he can say "you slaaaaaaag"!

[Jeremy]

5 items... always need the same 5 items. Wallet, oyster card, security pass, keys, phone. I have a terrible memory, so I just remember the number 5, then figure out what I have missing.

Danny Dyer (dire?) is a good call, he's almost as annoying as Jamie himself!

[Jah Lush]

I usually say "bollocks," after I've left the house only to return after walking 100 yards down the road and remember I've forgotten something, usually my passes or phone.

[SeanMacGabhann]

Basically this - oh and a book/something to read. A person can tolerate a lot with a good book to hand

Oh and an iPod - walking from E&C to the city needs a soundtrack

So 7 things then...

[Asset]

keys, money, phone.

[SteveT]

Things you say to yourself upon leaving your front door

If it's raining "F%$? I need an umbrella"

If a good looking raver's walking past I thrust my hand in my pocket and see if I have a wedge of cash and then shout in a lewd and bawdy manner "Ayup darlin' 'ow much"

I've always done well with sophisticated ladies who were looking for a bit of rough trade.

If it's a sunny day I will check for my old peoples bus pass and say 'thankyou Southwark' cross the road and wait for the number 12

[Asset]

oh, and sense of humour

[Keef]

I usually say, f**k me I'm outdoing even me leaving for work at half 10!

[SeanMacGabhann]

"And I've got 'that meeting' at 2pm - Better get a move on!"

;-)

[Brendan]

I don?t say anything except on Wednesdays when I regularly say, ?Oh, Bollocks!? because I have to push the wheelie bin to the bottom of the path while trying to eat my toast at the same time.

[The Scorpion]

"Why is the next door flats' kitchen waste/out/over-spill (?) pipe still leaking?!"

(even though I told the workmen currently doing renovations in there, twice in the past week and a half that it needs sorting out urgently, otherwise the downstairs flat will suffer water damage through their ceiling/walls?!)

:'(

[MadWorld74]

"If that cat shits in my garden again, I'm going to skin it alive...."

Happy sole.

[AllforNun]

Yes your right it is the catholic thingy,but how on earth did i manage to leave my keys in the butter dish at the back of the fridge though, goddam alcohol .....

[PeckhamRose]

Keys Inhaler Purse Helmet Gloves Glasses Book Comb Mirror Lipstick Mobile

.

And switch the answerphone on.

And I live on 3rd floor and my Dad used to always teach me never to go up/down/out empty handed.

So - then I go back and see if the rubbish bags or recycling bags need to be taken down too.