Behaviour - 5-year-old

[Monkey]

My 5-year-old's behaviour is deteriorating every day. she's turning into a nightmare, refusing to do anything we tell her to, shouting constantly, being very brutal with us (hair pulling etc...) Tonight she weed her bed on purpose. Things have got noticeably worse since the beginning of the holidays. It looks to me like very frustated behaviour like she's bored out of her mind but we're doing our best to keep her busy. Or is it what is called "pushing boundaries"? She's my first but I also come from a big family and I really have never seen anything like it.

Anyone has any advice? Is this normal or does it sound off the scale?

[cornelia]

My little ones are a bit younger than this but I've found this website: http://www.ahaparenting.com/ an amazing and very useful resource.

Usually these things pass... though at the time it is not much comfort to think that...

[edanna]

Sounds familiar! It probably is pushing boundaries. Have you noticed any trigger/pattern? With my daughter it tends to be at bedtime when she's really tired and gets a second wind. I think the best way is to find some way if you can of snapping her out of it. How does she react if you completely ignore her? Have you tried a chart for good behaviour where she can save up stickers for a special day out? I wish I could offer a simple answer but I'm sure it will pass in the end (that's what I'm hoping anyway!)

[susyp]

My daughter was like this a few weeks ago,and I posted a similar thread! A reward chart with smiles / sad faces and a magazine at end of the week if more smilies worked- along with a chart of house rules.. I feel for you as it's awful when you're in the middle,of it. It also stops me yelling as I can just go and put a sad face down ! Probably less of me yelling is the real reason she's got better! She was very very tired also and I enforced some early nights.

Susypx

[sb]

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[shaunag]

My daughter was acting up in a major way (she is three and a half) and I ended up pulling her out of nursery. I got talking to my uncle who has just retired as a teacher and many many other people about it. A consistent suggestion that came out was that sudden changes in behaviour (for the worse) are often related to kids being picked on. I really don't know what I'm talking about but could it be her trying to assert some control where she hasn't been feeling in control in school? It's horrible seeing them get so stressed out. My only advice is try to keep calm as much as possible and offer plenty of cuddles. Hopefully with a lot of love and reassurance she will revert to her usual happy self in time. Good luck.

[Monkey]

Thank you, all. Sounds like reward charts are the way forward. Will also take a look at aha parenting. We've also read 1,2,3 magic yesterday and it's given us a structure to be a little more strict/structured in our approach. Trigger seems to be boredom, anything that takes a bit of time and is considered a chore (going to the loo, getting dressed after swimming). But I also readily admit that we've been inconsistent on the discipline front and we might be looking at the consequences right now.

[susyp]

My daughter draws her own smileys faces and now makes up her own chart each Saturday. I was surprised how much she took to,it and the list of rules and I wonder I'd i,hadn't been enforcing boundaries enough as she was glad to have them oddly!

Susyp

Other thing I have done is put a timer app on my ipad and put it on when she's being difficult about getting dressed or tidying and she enjoys the challenge! You can set different chimes so,she does that and i set it and off she goes!

[Monkey]

Suzy, the timer thing is recommended in 1,2,3 magic too. Good to know it works for you. We're off to get one! Thanks!