Want to be an Estate Agent?

[MrBen]

This 5 step process is all you need:

1: Dress smart. You are in a much maligned occupation with a low barrier of entry. Compensate with a well fitted suit and a bright tie (red is best) . Carry an iPad even if you will never use it.

2. Flattery. On entering their average terrace start gushing like a fire hydrant. Remember that their terrace is unique and completely unlike the other 85 that surround it. Ask them about their fantastic lives. Make them feel "special".

3. Ramp it up. As you walk round the property INCREASE THE GUSH. Point out mouldings, period features and continue to congratulate the owner on their taste of decor. Ask them if they are an architect or in the design trade for full effect. Ignore the broken stuff and subsidence.

4. Inflate. Midway through you will have gauged the true market value of the place. Add between 7-10% to that and keep this number in mind for The Tie up. Continue to gush.

4. The Tie Up. Post tour, use all of the GUSH you have generated in a drum rolling pre-amble before deploying your nicely gauged inflated price. When queried as to why this is more than any historic transaction on the street use GUSH + pre-prepared and unsubstantiated anecdotal evidence to support it.

5. Having won them over, market at the quoted price. Wait two weeks and blame lack of viewings on external market or seasonal factors that you have no control over. In parallel.... warm up prospective buyers that they'll be prepared to take a 5-10% discount. Manage your way to a sale.

REPEAT.

Doing this well over and over again whilst getting people to overcome their prejudice and like you is not easy. So it's time to give the good ones some respect.

/over

[MrBen]

Zzzzz.....

[vgrant]

I own a pair of square toed shoes, can make a massive windsor knot and am accomplished in the liberal use of Lynx - are these qualifications enough to get me an interview?

[steveo]

A friend of mine works in a Lordship Lane Estate Agent office. She say they are all foul mouthed Bermondsey boys but brilliant sellers.

One of them, when he closes a deal, slams down the phone, shouts out 'Nailed it!' and triumphantly sprays his barnet with product

[Jeremy]

Funny... I had most of the current crop pegged as wannabe toff rugby boys, who found that their 2:2 in Leisure Studies afforded them limited career options.

[????]

...then, there was that scottish girl who worked at Bushells about 12 or 13 years ago*

*sighs, legs go wobbly*

[Dopamine1979]

I assume this is how they motivate the workforce.

**Contains strong language. Not safe for work**

[Seabag]

The only fight i've nearly had was with an EA, on Upland Road. I was

W4nker, I saw him in the Cafe Noodle the other day

He was slightly less full of himself, not being in his silly car and all that

And he wore his sunglasses on the top of his balding head

[Earl Aelfheah]

Jeremy Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Funny... I had most of the current crop pegged as

> wannabe toff rugby boys, who found that their 2:2

> in Leisure Studies afforded them limited career

> options.

Not very bright public school boys - that was my impression.

[Earl Aelfheah]

.... that said, I do think they get a bit of a hard time. Most EA's I've dealt with have seemed decent enough - a bit schmarmy perhaps, but that's true for all sales jobs.

[Earl Aelfheah]

Fundamentally, sales is about convincing people either to buy something they don't want, or to pay more for something they do - At least with EAs it's the latter.

[StraferJack]

"The only fight i've nearly had was with an EA"

oddly enough, me too.

yet, strengely, we made up, he sold our flat and he sent a christmas card months later

[Jeremy]

StraferJack Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> he sent a christmas card months later

And you interpreted this as a gesture of friendship?

[MrBen]

This was a cheap low brow thread at an easy target. Ditto Vague Celebrity lookalikes.

I think I'm on the verge of self deactivation.

[MrBen]

When you're boring yourself...there's either a problem with the usual high focus. Or it's the lull of August messing with you. I should really be on holiday like all of our customers.

[StraferJack]

ha Jeremy - of course not really. But given our history....

And we did have a pint when met at random

none of that seemed likely when it kicked off in his office