Pet death and toddlers

[david_carnell]

My 2.75 yo spends two days a week at Granny's. We're incredibly lucky that they live close enough to help with childcare, they love having him and he loves going there. Especially as they have a wonderful border collie (7 years old) who he plays with endlessly. He adores that dog.

Sadly she has developed epilepsy (or the dog equivalent) and has been fitting regularly. Having witnessed this first hand myself it's quite traumatic but luckily mini-d_c hasn't been affected.

Sadly it has got worse and the dog goes for a brain scan today. We are preparing for the worst.

I'm looking for advice in how to deal with explaining to my son what's happened if she dies. I'd like to be as honest as possible and not use euphemisms like "gone to sleep" but should I let him say goodbye and see her dead? Let him give her a hug goodbye? Is that too traumatic for a nearly-3 yo?

[sanity girl]

Could a read of Goodbye Mog be a good place to start? http://www.amazon.co.uk/Goodbye-Mog-Judith-Kerr/dp/0007149697

[clux]

When my daughters were 3 and 6 our lovely old cat had to be put to sleep at the age of 19. It happened very quickly, she became unwell during the night and the next morning me and the 3 year old took her to the vet. The prognosis was terrible so we decided to have her put to sleep there and then. My daughter stroked her and talked to her and the vet was amazing, he explained that when you love your pet sometimes you have to let them be put to sleep so that they don't hurt anymore. We stayed with our cat as she went off to sleep. I had no idea what to expect but it was really peaceful and calm. He injected her and she just very calmly laid down in her normal sleeping position and drifted off. The vet left us for a while (I was sobbing, my daughter was completely fine!) My eldest daughter was at school and she was incredibly upset that she didn't get to be with her. They have both said that they want to be with our other cat if a similar situation arises.

Its a bit twee but I told them that our cat would have gone off to be a star, and now on starry nights we look out for the brightest star in the sky and know that our cat is still with us. They love that idea.

[Chunksmum]

One of our lovely dogs passed away 3wks ago very suddenly and totally unexpected. My 2yr old loved her, we told him she wasn't well and had gone over the rainbow bridge where she is free for pain and running free happy with her friends. He still calls her name everyday but now says her name and then gone so seems to understand. I bought a couple of books to read to him:

Hanson, Maria "Dog Heaven: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Bridge"

Raesisde A. "The Rainbow Bridge"

I personally wouldn't have wanted him to see her after she passed or sick as would want his last memories of her to be of her healthy and happy.

[alice]

a pet dying is good preparation for the death of an adult - so maybe its important that its clear that the pet didnt choose to be a star or go over the rainbow etc

[clux]

I think the star thing is fine. My gran died a year ago when my girls were 5 and 8. They understood that she had died but they still like to search the skies for our cat star and for our special gran star. Why is it bad to have a physical thing to remember them by? We do not live near enough to visit my grans grave very often but she is kept in her great granddaughters thoughts every time they spot a particularly twinkly star.

[buggie]

Paper Dolls by Julia Donaldson is a good book with regard to explaining how things live on in the memory... not related to pets, but can lead to discussion of things they remember.