I'd be interested in your honest opinion.

[TillieTrotter]

This isn't particularly important but....if you sent someone a nice long message from abroad detailing your day and finished it with "I'm going for a siesta now" and they phoned you 20 minutes later when you had been asleep for only ten mins would you feel that they were being a tad selfish and inconsiderate? Are you being petty for feeling this? I'd really like opinions on this as sometimes I think I'm going mad!

[Otta]

I'd say easy mistake to make. "I'm going for a siesta now" is the sort of thing I might see in a text but just not really process. x

[Ladygooner]

Could easily have been someone else that disturbed your sleep by phoning. Turn the phone off when you go to sleep

[TillieTrotter]

Hmm the person knew I was going for a sleep as I told him that I was scrubbing floors in 90f. He phones daily and is the only one with my number so wouldn't have been disturbed by anyone else. This isn't a major problem as I say but in the interest of self discovery am I being a grumpy cow to be bothered! Is it an OK excuse that he couldn't have let me have an hours nap because he was going out now?

[Otta]

No. If he knew that you were sleeping but decided to call anyway because he was going to speak to you like it or not, then that's actually pretty selfish.

I'd assumed that they had read your text and just hadn't really twigged about the sleep.

[red devil]

Context is everything, I think a lot depends on the nature of your relationship with this guy, as to whether he crossed a line or not...

[TillieTrotter]

Does that really matter honestly? Surely the closer you are the more respect you should have for that person? I'm trying not to argue my point too heavily because I really do want to know myself more but I would never have phoned someone (anyone) if they said they were going for a sleep, I just see that as overriding someone else's feelings/personal space etc.

[red devil]

I think it does matter, otherwise advice/thoughts can only be based on presumptions. Here's one, maybe he had only just read your message, not realising you had sent it 20mins earlier, and he wanted to quickly wish you a pleasant sleep after your hard day. Some would say that's quite a nice thing to do, and not out of the ordinary if you know this person well...

[TillieTrotter]

Maybe, but I actually don't think that's the case. He was going out and wanted to speak to me first, said "what's your problem, it's only a nap".

[aquarius moon]

In that case, he is in the wrong but the comment 'only a nap' says it all.

A lot of men can nap on and off all day and think nothing of having another one.

It's not so easy for women. Once they are woken up, they find it difficult to sleep again. That's my opinion anyway & if he did it to me I'd be annoyed.

[red devil]

That adds to the context, but only goes so far. For instance, is this the first time such a thing has happened, or is it a regular occurrence? Any relationship/friendship is about finding out what the other person likes/dislikes and realising their boundaries. If it's the first time this has happened, then your friend has learnt that there is a line not to be crossed and hopefully won't do it again. Maybe you shouldn't try to over analyse the situation, you were hot, knackered, and a long way from home etc...

[TillieTrotter]

I feel a tad uncomfortable about airing my dirty laundry but no it's not the first time, he does think that his needs should come first. I spent a lot of time trying to explain why I had a problem with it, it's not about the nap, it's about the respecting of my wishes/personal space. I was just really trying to ascertain if I had a right to feel peeved by this behaviour as he still just doesn't seem to get it and then I wondered that maybe I expect too much! His initial response when I very nicely said "darling I do find your behaviour a tad inconsiderate and selfish sometimes" was "oh dear darling, do send me a timetable for when I'm allowed to call"

[KidKruger]

Basically if you want assured sleep free from calls, switch phone off.

[TillieTrotter]

For sure, hindsight is a wonderful thing but also quite annoying ;-)

[Henry_17]

Tillie,

You have ceeded too much power to this individual. The correct play was not to answer the phone nor to call back after your nap.

[red devil]

Sorry TT, wasn't trying to pry, just wanted to stress how important context is if you want advice that is relevant. In light of what you've subsequently said I'd say you were perfectly right to be ticked off, although your circumstance at the time may have also added to your annoyance. Of course you could simply switch off/not answer your phone, but that doesn't solve the underlying problem of why he did it in the first place, which I think is your issue. I don't think there is a generic solution to that, something you need to work through with him. Is there a friend you can discuss this with, someone who knows you well as a person, or even better the both of you?...

[TillieTrotter]

Thanks Red Devil and you were right to ask for the context but I'm a little embarrassed to be asking. The reason I chose to pose the question here though was that had I asked my friends they would possibly have given a biased answer (in my favour of course)

[Seabag]

He's a bloke

Do something, then think after

You're right to be annoyed but get over it, in the big picture nobody got hurt

Or dump this 'less than perfect' freind

Or call him an arse and ask for an appology

Or direct him to this tread

[Seabag]

Or thread even

[steveo]

I'll chin him next time I see him

[TillieTrotter]

Would you mind Steveo? I'll put you on the Christmas card list😆

[Jules6862]

Seriously....!!!

[TillieTrotter]

I know Jules it all seems so pathetic. I'm amazed that I've done a Dear Deidre!! But you know it's actually helped so I'll accept your scorn 😁

[JohnL]

Lots of UK people don't even know what a siesta is

They maybe thought it was a drink.

[Michael Palaeologus]

It does depend on how you perceive a siesta. Is it a quick nap or a proper sleep?

Perhaps climate makes a difference? An afternoon sleep in hot climes is a more serious affair than in our cooler temperatures.

The tropics are sapping and so the need for an afternoon nap is actually quite pressing, especially as a significant proportion of life is lived in the cooler (as in, less hot) night time.