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"It's Wolf, Bigbadwolf."

bigbadwolf

By bigbadwolf
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bigbadwolf

bigbadwolf

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dulwichmum Wrote:

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> I think Ray Winstone would make a super Bond

> (swoon). I adored him in Henry V111...


Hmmmmm.....I see.


I think you could be accused of a rather blatant casting error if you were to cast someone from 'ackney as a serious contender for the role of 007 D.M.


You can just imagine it can't you...


Ray Winstone's Bond is seen stubbing out a rollup on the banks of a foggy Danube in Vienna.


"Ah mizta Bornd, I see you've brought ze micro-chip."


"Dependz on 'ooz askin"


"I have no time for idle chit chat mizta Bornd, just hant eet over or I shoot you ya"


"Oh yeah, where's yer tool?"


"Vot tool iz diss?"


"Diss fackin tool!"



I also think that Ray Winstone would be more than lacking in the appropriate etiquette required to be as suave as 007.



"What can I get you sir?"


"Ah'll 'ave a pint of Best ,an Mannypenny 'll 'ave a port n lemon?"


"Shaken or stirred sir?"


"You're 'avin a fackin laugh arntcha? You tryin ta say I'm sam sort o poofta?"


"No sir, I'm merely inquiring as to how you'd like your drink prepared."


"Well why dontcha inquire somewhre else, yer cant!"



I would however I agree that I'd highly recommend an on screen death against a 'baddie' or underling to consist of the unwitting victim to request;



"Please sir, can I go for a burn?"


"Oh O.k, but don't be too long."



The scene would then follow the young victim into a Borstal greenhouse where he is monsterously gang raped by other randy inmates.




Take care D.M

dulwichmum

dulwichmum

Posted
Posted

Thank you Mick Mac sweetie, I may not be saying very much right now, but I am always here in spirit (smirk).


Mr Wolf, have you seen Mr Winstone play Henry V111? He is such a versatile actor, so incredibly handsome and cultured when he chooses to be. He is such a fabulous actor (swoon). He has fists the size of cauliflowers you know...

bigbadwolf

bigbadwolf

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D.M,


Yes I have seen Ray Winstone play King Henry the VIII and he did a fine job too. I simply think that he lacks a certain 'je ne ce que' to pass himself off as 007.


As you've pointed out he is a bit fat fingered which leads me to assume that he'd slurp his Vodka Martini and steal the silverware.

bigbadwolf

bigbadwolf

Posted
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D.M,


I appreciate that not all those that don't speak estuary English are light fingered. It's just the Mr Winstone (I fine actor) has a cuddly deportment not suited for the role of a cold blooded psychopath in a dinner jacket.


He'd probably nick the Aston as well, for parts.

Tony.London Suburbs

Tony.London Suburbs

Posted
Posted

dulwichmum Wrote:

Mr Winstone certainly has the Je ne sais quoi as far as I am concerned (prrr)...

Just because someone may not have a Dulwich College accent, it does not follow that they are dishonest sweetie (bats eyelashes).


Winstone must be a wrong 'un...Born in East London near The Bow Bells,looks rough and don't speak proper.


From the wrong side of the tracks.


He's a bad boy and it will all end in tears..

bignumber5

bignumber5

Posted
Posted

bigbadwolf Wrote:

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> Nor can I picture 077 wearing white socks with

> black shoes.



whoever 077 is...


Frankly, based on Quantum of Solace, requirements for the modern Bond appear to be the ability to punch people to death because they looked at him a bit funny, while any plot, however flimsy and token, is explored and progressed by Judi Dench. Why don't we take that to it's logical conclusion and see if Vinnie Jones wants the role?

bigbadwolf

bigbadwolf

Posted
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Posted

Actually...


Why haven't I thought of this before...


The most suitable candidate is...


Me.


Who shall I cast though...


I know.


M - Dulwichmum

Villain - Jah Lush

Sidekick - Brendan

Q - Keef

Moneypenny - Moos

006 - Sean



I've no idea why I'd been summoned to H.Q at such an ungodly hour but she did insist. I approached the house as the gravel crunched underfoot as the house keeper answered the door.


"Shez apstairs an she iz very crosh dat you are late."


"Don't worry Moneypenny, I know how to handle her."


I stole up the marble stair case to explain my absence.


"Mr Wolf, where the devil have you been, I called for you moons ago!"


"I apologise M, but what exactly do you want with me."


"I have a mission for you Mr Wolf. That ghastly Baron von Lush has promised to sell me the Jewel of India diamond but he's being most unreasonable."


"What seems to be amise?"


"What the deuce do you mean you oikish little man! He's asking me to part with a fortune for the damned thing, that's whats amise not to mention since that old hag the Queen has worn it it's second hand goods! Go and retrieve it for me and I shall make it worth your while."


"For you and my country M."


"Oh hang the country! I simply must have that rock as I'm practicing for my funeral and I must look the picture. They say it'll be like Diana's funeral but I shall out do her.


"Be a good man and pick up your new firearm from Q on your way out. Go on, shoo!"


I made why way down to Q's lab and on entering picked up a massive spliff on the table.


"Oi don't touch that! That's my lunch!"


Q handed me my new kit in a guitar case and explained that the Kazoo inside was infact my new Walther PPK.


As I drove through the village towards Von Lush's hideout in my shagged out Cortina my head was swimming with doubt. I pulled up outside the CPT as quietly as I could so as not to disturb my nemesis. I dimmed the lights as my counterpart 006 approached the car.


"Fa Gad sake man, where have ya been? Oi've been waitin 'ours fa ya, ya cont"


"Sorry Sean. What the deal here then?"


"Oi've had a look round da back an 'is 'enchman is on gord. Ya nor da fella, desended from bush snoipah's fram da Booorrr wor."


We snuck round the back and sure enough Brendan was waiting with his Mauser. I threw some Biltong into the bush. He went over for a sniff which is when I crept up behind him. Suddenly I felt a crack to the back of my head and everything went black.


I woke up with Jah von Lush looking menacingly down on me. I was tied to a table with a laser weapon pointed at my nuts.


"So, wot 'ave we got 'ere den eh? Oh yeah, it's that little gobshite from before. 'ows it feel to be da recievin end of a little heat then eh Wolf"


"I'm saying nothing!"


"That's alright my shun, ah know everyfing aboutcha an why you're 'ere. That toff in da village sent you on a little errand didn't she. Well, I'm afraid she's gonna have to pay full whack farit. Say goodbye to your ballbags!"


"No please, I'll tell you anything you need to know. Please don't pick my pockets!"


"There's nuffing you know dat could interest me."


"I know where the key to Lordship lane is!"


"Wot?"


"You know exactly what I mean. The key that will un-lock lordship lane from all the poncy bars and trendies that have shoved off the old guard. I know through old tales and stories that you were once a kind and loving man but when the middle classes forced you from your barstool you came to resent them. I can help you!"


"Ah fort dat woz a myff."


"It's not myth. It's kept in the safe at SMBS."


"Alright, untie 'im Brendan."


"Of course Brah."


Me and my new allies slowly crept up the lane with our lights dimmed. I didn't trust Von Lush but he seemed like my only friend in such an un-certain mission and I was worried about where Sean had got to and if he was safe.


We pulled up outside SMBS. What I saw made my blood freeze. 006 was carrying something that looked like a body! Then it struck me. Sean has been known to be seen at several places at once but no one had ever confronted the issue. It was obvious to all three of us now, these Sean's we'd all thought were the same were in fact automatons. We jumped out of the car and confronted the puppet Paddy and chucked a bottle of Evian at it. It sparked and fizzed and eventually exploded.


We rushed inside SMBS and found the safe and the key inside. We jumped in the Cortina and made our way to the CPT. Jah took the key with a tear in his eye and put it in the lock of the old dis-used toilet. He turned it and all of a sudden everything started spinning around. Eventually everything settled down.


"You've made my dreams come back to life Wolf, how can I repay ya?"


"You can stop being so aggresive towards me for a start."


"Oh yeah, why should I listen to a little pip squeak like you?"


"If you do as I ask then I shall stop being so rude to you."


"I'll fink abaht it."


"Do that."


"Wot abaht Sean?"


"Oh don't worry, just leave him as he is. We've both learned a lesson today."


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