Dear *Bob* - Agony Uncle

[*Bob*]

Secretly hate your neighbours?

Embarrassing affliction?

Thinking of leaving your husband?

Can't get it up?

A problem shared is a problem halved.

So for an straight-talkin' and all-round common-sense opinion: ask *Bob*

Correspondents may login under the following username and password, and thus PM their questions to *Bob* with complete anonymity.

username: askbob

password: pleasehelp

[bigbadwolf]

A problem shared with *Bob* is a problem suddenly blown out of all proportion.

Before we divulge any personal info to you *Bob*, how about a little peek into your 'Pandora's box'.

[Ted Max]

Dear *Bob*

A friend's new thread requires a boost after a disappointing start. Any suggestions?

Ted

[Mick Mac]

Bob - I know someone who is always funnier than me. His name is Ted. What can I do to bridge the humour gap?

[askbob]

Dear Ted,

I suggest you tell your friend to tell potential correspondents that they may login under the following username and password, and thus ask their questions with complete anonymity.

username: askbob

password: pleasehelp

[*Bob*]

Mick Mac Wrote:

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> Bob - I know someone who is always funnier than

> me. His name is Ted. What can I do to bridge the

> humour gap?

Dear Mick,

I suggest you join the Nunhead Forum

Better to be a big fish in a small pond..

[Moos]

*laughs socks off*

[askbob]

Is it wrong to derive sexual pleasure from defecation and yet not be a member of the Liberal Democrat Parliamentary Party?

[bigbadwolf]

Dear *Bob*.

I'm afflicted with the inability to start threads and have come up against brick wall cncerning this unfair impediment.

Any suggestions?

[Moos]

askbob Wrote:

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> Is it wrong to derive sexual pleasure from

> defecation and yet not be a member of the Liberal

> Democrat Parliamentary Party?

Woof, really, was it worth the bother of logging in again?

[askbob]

Dear *Bob*

I have just received my arse on a platter. Any suggestions?

[????]

Dear *Bob*,

I had a beard but frankly I looked a tw*t so shaved it off. But I miss it. Help

[*Bob*]

askbob Wrote:

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> Is it wrong to derive sexual pleasure from

> defecation and yet not be a member of the Liberal

> Democrat Parliamentary Party?

Dear Woo.. er, Anonymous,

To answer your question, You don't have to be a Liberal Democrat to pays girls to defecate in their underwear for you, and then puts said panties in your briefcase and takes them home, but it helps.

[Moos]

Dear *Bob*

I'm giggling inordinately at my desk and am failing to maintain any pretence at productivity. Please help.

Dull of Virtueville

[*Bob*]

bigbadwolf Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Dear *Bob*.

>

> I'm afflicted with the inability to start threads

> and have come up against brick wall cncerning this

> unfair impediment.

>

> Any suggestions?

Nope.

[*Bob*]

???? Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Dear *Bob*,

>

> I had a beard but frankly I looked a tw*t so

> shaved it off. But I miss it. Help

Dear ????,

Put your hands on your hips and put your shoulders back (as if you were trying to impersonate a chicken during a game of charades). Then, with your neck fully extended (like E.T.) close your eyes, stick your chin out and PUSH. New hair should soon begin to emerge and within a week or so you'll be able to frighten small children again.

[????]

Thanks... Plus

Dear Bob,

Will voting Labour or Conservative really give me aids?

[*Bob*]

???? Wrote:

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> Dear Bob,

> Will voting Labour or Conservative really give me

> aids?

Unfortunately the answer is yes.

However, voting Labour will only result in a light touch of aids. If you vote conservative, you're a gonner for sure.