Toilet Habits

[5imon]

fact: hovering above the toilet in a sitting position is known as "a johnny wilkinson"

fact: most german men sit to urinate. i met a german man once and he told me.

[*Bob*]

'Hovering' is an essential skill for women, lest they get caught short without proper facilities.

[*Bob*]

Good old Mrs *Bob* - she's a trooper.

[5imon]

classy. that your missus?

[*Bob*]

That's right.. on our first date.

Right there and then - I knew she was the one for me.

[dbboy]

that's a nice bum Mrs.Bob

[*Bob*]

I know, I know.. I'm a lucky man.

[HonaloochieB]

Spartacus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

>> Gentlemen

> Do you shake, wipe or waggle ?

> If there are three urinals, and no one there,

> which would you use ?

> If there is someone in the middle, would you use

> the one either side ?

> Do you prefer not to pee in public ?

The difference between shaking and waggling being?

The one on the right, obviously.

The one on the right, obviously. But I'd give him one of my looks.

By 'in public', do you mean al fresco?

[LegalEagle-ish]

a) Wipe or shake if there is no bog roll

b) Behind a bush

c) Wipe and sit, only hover if it's horrible

d) Yep, happily plop away wherever I have to!

[vinceayre]

Bob

Do you mean there is toilet paper out there that your finger doesn't go through, no one told me.

[*Bob*]

I believe such a 'bulletproof' paper does exist, Vince.

However, the extra strength has a downside in terms of comfort - as anyone who attended primary school in England 25 years or so ago will testify.

[Alabama]

*shudders at the memory of primary school greaseproof paper-style toilet experiences*

It didn't ABSORB! Just moved it around!

[daizie]

yes right up your back

[woofmarkthedog]

JoJo09 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> *shudders at the memory of primary school

> greaseproof paper-style toilet experiences*

>

> It didn't ABSORB! Just moved it around!

___________________________________________________

It was called IZAL & when rested over a plastic comb it made a great musical instrument ( well, like a cheap Kazoo) if you hummed through tight lips

Oh please don't go there, you know lips & tight la la

W**F

[woofmarkthedog]

Oh and W H Auden liked to p122 into his kitchen sink

The original draught of his famous poem went as follows

Stop all the clocks, get out your co*ks, cut off the telephone, Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone, Silence the pianos and with muffled drum , tighten your bum, on tip toes release the flow, into the kitchen sink I go....

But his publisher "Armitage Shanks" would have none of it, they told Auden "it's crap, what business do you think we are in ?"

And the rest is history of course, with Auden disappearing into complete obscurity, while "Shanks" dominate to this day

W**F

[LegalEagle-ish]

Has anyone seen the history of toilets in the science museum? Fascinating stuff!

[fractionater]

If the chap standing at the urinal next to you is causing 'splash-back', do you say anything or do you carry on about your business as if everything is normal - in other words does the un-written rule apply here?

[*Bob*]

That's a very good question.

Urinal technology being what it is, I think you'd have to jet piss at an optimium angle and velocity to achieve anything above the usual (and unavoidable) level of piss splash - in which case it's not something that you'd do 'by accident'.

So if somebody is splashing piss around on purpose or, say, wiping their bum on the mirror, you might have to say something. Or at least move a little further away and try not to catch their eye.

[sophiesofa]

Good lord urinal splash back sounds vile

[*Bob*]

It's the fine misting of piss more than anything else, Sophie - not large droplets.

Very hard to spot with the naked eye. And you're unwise to attempt to spot it in a public lavatory anyway. It just looks weird.

[sophiesofa]

That's even worse *Bob* a fine film of a strangers wee yuk

[*Bob*]

I'd say about 90% of it is probably your own. Let me explain.

If you don't get your bell-end close enough to the urinal wall, it's possible you could cascade a waterfall of piss straight down to the bottom, causing a major piss droplet splash and a most unseemly din.

However, in leaning the old chap in to avoid said guttering of piss, you fall foul of the fine misting.

[sophiesofa]

Enlightening thanks

[daizie]

::o

[sophiesofa]

I wouldn't open your mouth when standing next to a urinal daizie