Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Alan - I was only 62% chav, so I seem to be some kind of hybrid chav and I got into the habit of abbreviating words from texting, trying to keep my message under the limit, so I wouldn't have to pay for another text on my pay-as-u-go phone. Why does buying a bargain bucket or getting a state education count towards chavdom by the way?

Well I'm 40% Chav. Of course I take issue with some things.

Screw top wine will be more or less standard soon enough

Marks & Spencers food hall is ridiculously expensive whether you're stupid enough to pay for it or not.

Stella is a mark of middle classness? god help us all.

As most Benjy's congregate around the square mile that's an odd measure of chavosity

Jordan or Ms Price is very intelligent*

and there's nothing wrong with a pot noodle!!


*oops got that one wrong, plus she actually looks like she's plummeted down the uncanny valley

Had great fun doing that chav test Alan. But I reckon it confuses being thrifty with being a chav in places (eg. buying supermarket brand cola). Isn't it more chav to go for brand names? Or am I taking it all far too seriously... just for a change

I only just got my degree at a 'new' university, The University of Westminster, but was too smart to be arsed with all that boring kind of stuff when I was young!! Suit?? Only if I was in the dock!!


James - I think you are right about the name brand bit.

76% - honestly. Maybe I should get a pitbull.


Agree that the test is flawed as most of my points are just for being a Northerner but I think it does indicate that CWALD is a misnomer.


Answers below for transparency:


The Chav Test


1. Have you ever purchased something from Co-op or Iceland?

Yes


2. Have you ever worn Burberry check?

No


3. Have you ever purchased a KFC family bucket?

Yes


4. Have you ever hung a pine fresh tree shaped air freshener on your rear view mirror?

Yes


5. Is your mobile phone on a 'pay as you go' tariff?

Yes


6. Have you ever gone to Pizza Hut on a date?

Yes


7. Are you into 'R & B'?

No


8. Have you ever eaten corned beef stew?

Yes


9. Have you ever worn jewellery from 'Elizabeth Duke' at Argos?

No


10. Have you ever looked into Ciro Citterio for a suit?

Yes


11. Have you ever eaten a pot noodle?

Yes


12. Do you call your Grandmother your 'Nan'?

No


13. Have you ever bought fresh cut flowers from a petrol station as a present?

Yes


14. Have you ever bought second class stamps?

Yes


15. Have you ever knowingly bought own brand cola?

Yes


16. Do you think Marks & Spencer's food hall is too expensive?

No


17. Have you ever taken a Stenaline Ferry anywhere?

Yes


18. Have you anything in your wardrobe which is at least 50% polyester?

No


19. Do you dream of souping up your car and getting a spoiler?

Yes


20. Have you ever owned a pair of white Reebok Classic trainers?

Yes


21. Would you eat own brand baked beans?

Yes


22. Do you prefer Carling to Stella?

Yes


23. Have you ever referred to a sofa as a 'settee'?

Yes


24. Do you consider Jordan to be 'actually quite intelligent'?

No


25. Have you ever relieved a hotel room of its freebie shower gel or shampoo?

Yes


26. Have you ever drunk a can of lager you found on a train?

No


27. Have you ever offered to buy a cigarette from someone?

Yes


28. Have you ever brought a screw top bottle of wine to a dinner party?

Yes


29. Have you ever referred to pudding as 'dessert' or 'sweet'?

Yes


31. Have you ever removed a boiled sweet or gum and saved it for later?

Yes


32. Do you know anyone that has been on 'Trisha'?

No


33. Have you ever referred to a loo as a 'toilet'?

Yes


34. Have you ever worn a football shirt while not playing sport?

Yes


35. Have you ever bought a garden ornament from B & Q, ie stone squirrel, ornamental wheelbarrow etc

No


36. Can you name any characters from Footballers' Wives?

Yes


37. Have you ever erected a flashing snowman or fairy lights outside your house at Christmas?

Yes


38. Have you ever bought your lunch from Benjy's?

Yes


39. Do you have more than three buttons on any of your suits?

No


40. Have you ever visited a Little Chef or Happy Eater apart from to use the loos in desperation?

Yes


41. Have you ever cut out and used money off coupons from magazines?

Yes


42. Do you have 'tea' as your evening meal?

Yes


43. Are the toes on your shoes square?

No


44. Do you know any straight men who wear earings?

Yes


45. Has your mobile phone ring-tone ever been a Top 40 hit?

Yes


46. Was your education paid for by the tax-payer?

Yes

Alan - maybe I should rename myself ChavishWivaLawDegree. Ex-ChavWivaLawDegree would seem like I am a social-climber, when I have no intention of ever becoming socially acceptable to polite society.


SeanMG - Drinks on you then?? Impressed you met the mighty Mr Hicks

Piers- well done for getting to the end of The Book of Dave. I am stuck very near the beginning. It is worth the struggle?


Sean- Clare /Claire -you are absolutely right-completely different names. I didn't think the post was referring to me (Clare) until I went back after you drew my attention to the spelling. A bit sad really .Is it the same for you with Shaun/Shawn ?

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Latest Discussions

    • Per Cllr McAsh, as quoted above: “We are currently updating our Enforcement Policy and changes will allow for the issuing of civil penalties ranging from £175 to £300 for visible smoke emissions, replacing the previous reliance on criminal prosecution. " Is anyone au fait with the Clean Air Act 1993, and  particularly with the state of 'Smoke Control' law and practice generally?  I've just been looking  through some of it for the first time and, afaics, the civil penalties mentioned  were introduced into the Clean Air Act, at Schedule 1A, in May 2022.  So it seems that, in this particular,  it's a matter of the enforcement policy trailing well behind the legislation.  I'm not criticising that at all, but am curious.  
    • Here's the part of march46's linked-to Southwark News article pertaining to Southwark Council. "Southwark Council were also contacted for a response. "Councillor James McAsh, Cabinet Member for Clean Air, Streets & Waste said: “One of Southwark’s key priorities is to create a healthy environment for our residents. “To achieve this we closely monitor legislation and measures that influence air pollution – our entire borough apart from inland waterways is designated as a Smoke Control Area, and we also offer substantial provision for electric vehicles to promote alternative fuel travel options and our Streets for People strategy. “We as a council support the work of Mums for Lungs and recognise the health and environmental impacts of domestic solid fuel burning, particularly from wood-burning appliances. “We are currently updating our Enforcement Policy and changes will allow for the issuing of civil penalties ranging from £175 to £300 for visible smoke emissions, replacing the previous reliance on criminal prosecution.  “This work is being undertaken in collaboration with other London boroughs as part of the pan-London Wood Burning Project, which aims to harmonise enforcement approaches and share best practice across the capital.” ETA: And here's a post I made a few years ago, with tangential relevance.  https://www.eastdulwichforum.co.uk/topic/278140-early-morning-drone-flying/?do=findComment&comment=1493274  
    • The solicitor is also the Executor. Big mistake, but my Aunt was very old, and this was the Covid years and shortly after so impossible to intervene and get a couple of close relatives to do this.  She had no children so this is the nephews and nieces. He is a single practitioner, and most at his age would have long since retired - there is a question over his competence Two letters have already gone essentially complaining - batted off and 'amusingly' one put the blame on us. There are five on our side, all speaking to each other, and ideally would work as a single point of contact.  But he has said that this is not allowed - we've all given approval to act on each others behalf. There are five on her late husband's side, who have not engaged with us despite the suggestion to work as a team, There is one other, who get's the lion's share, the typicical 'friend', but we are long since challenging the will. I would like to put another complaint together that he has not used modern collective communication (I expect that he is incapable) which had seriously delayed the execution of the will.   I know many in their 80s very adept with smart phones so that is not an ageist comment. The house has deteriorated very badly, with cold, damp and a serious leak.  PM me if you want to see the dreadful condition that it is now in. I would also question why if the five of us are happy to work together why all of us need to confirm in writing.             The house was lived in until Feb 23, and has been allowed to get like this.
    • Isn’t a five yearly electricity safety certificate one of the things the landlord must give for a legal tenancy?
Home
Events
Sign In

Sign In



Or sign in with one of these services

Search
×
    Search In
×
×
  • Create New...