omniprescient

Sorry pearson - my Sinclair Spectrum doesnt do moving 0s and 1's - can you describe the video to me??

Out of date browser? - thats nothing _ I'm looking at this on a sinclair spectrum and everythings just a series of 0's and 1's

Bordering on a deity in our household. Brendan - you are the arse - you only come to the conclusion that he is an arse because you find him compulsive viewing and hate yourself for it!

Only small-timers call themselves freelancers. We big boys call ourselves contractors!

I keep a special eye out for cars with diplomatic number plates (often large mercs with blacked-out windows). Obviously white-van -man in a rush to get to his next plumbing job is also a problem. BMW's (more so than mercs in general), sooped-up mitsubishi lancers, subaru imprezzas....the list is endless.

What do you call a blacksmith with dreadlocks? Rasta farrier.

As far as lights are concerned the more and the brighter the better. I have a very bright static fixed to my handlebars and a forward facing flashing on top of my helmet. Apparantly having two light allows other road users to judge their distance from you more effectively. Also having a light high up helps visbility when you are in traffic. At the back i always use the red light on flashing mode - it has to be more noticeable that way. (I think the law stating that lights fixed to the bike must be non-flashing has been repealed?) I also have some flashing lights fixed to the spokes of my wheels - good for sideways on visibility. All in all I'm lit up like an effing christmas tree!

Who's never eaten a whole packet of Cadbury's chocolate eclairs one after the other and then hidden the evidence?

Those really hard little wine gums that you used to get years ago. I haven't seen them for about 30 years and can't remember what they are called. I can remeber the black ones (my favourite) were in the shape of a boot. Any ideas?

Create your own 2p pieces by supergluing 2 1p pieces together

To me the helmet/no helmet debate is a no-brainer. All that "research' which shows that people cycle more dangerously when wearing one and car drivers behave more considerately towards non-wearers is utter tosh. I've been riding my bike for coming on 30 years now and have had a number of incidents when my helmet has saved me from serious injuries including going straight over the handlebars and smacking my head on the road. The advocation of not wearing a helmet is a political stance advanced by libertarians who do not want to see helmets made compulsory. I too do not want them to be compulsory but that doesn't stop me wearing one.

Mcewans is the best buy, the best buy ,the best buy, Mcewans is the best buy, the best buy in beer. Hi Mcewans, the best buy in beer. (You kind of had to be there)

Recreate your holiday in the west country by buying some exhorbitantly priced scones and clotted cream from shepherds in Dulwich village and then eat them whilst standing under a cold shower.

Old soldiers never die - they get Younger every day (advert for Younger beer)

Stop that girl - subway sect