new mother

btw that reminds me! employers are well advised to agree the GROSS wage so that eg where a nanny has underpaid for some reason in the past, you don't end up having to pay her more to meet your (anachronistic) NET agreement...

"Government policy is seriously squewed against the middle class working mother who wants a career." I totally agree with the above poster. Mommiemae - one pays a nanny eg 8/9 per hour AFTER her tax. This costs you 50 hours times eg 8 ie 400 AFTER ALL HER TAX AND YOUR NI as an employer. You can look on Nannytax to find what this grosses up to - 579 per week. I agree it is totally weird to be looking at things on a net basis. I need to find approx 28,000 a year out of my POST tax income. As regards the comparison with junior drs, yes it is an awful situation where highly intelligent and compassionate people, the very cream of our achievers, are valued so badly. As regards the comp with cleaners, cleaners seldom work 10 hours a day in one location so they waste time travelling, they aren't paid for the lunch hour and they don't get 2 plus hours off a day when the child sleeps. Thye don't get 4 weeks holiday pay either generally. Over a 10 hour day, nannies actually work 8 max. Most hourly workers are paid for the hours they actually work. Basically, the system has to change. It will because employers like us are realising that it is not sustainable financially. OTOH, I was told recently that 10 years ago there would have been many many more jobs available than today. Looks to me like nannies are pricing themselves out of the market and employers are increasingly staying home or using nurseries.

Dulwich mum, Yes I take your point re clever children not necessarily doing themselves justice. One could argue that the cleverer the child, the more aware, at a young age, he or she is of the stress of the situation and therefore the less likely to perform. The blissfully unaware meanwhile might chat on for ages and do very well. One hopes that the assessors are used to separating out the brighter ones though. In the context of this thread, the poster is asking for info about, specifically, girls at DCPS so any information about how girls perform relative to boys in equally tricky and stressful scenarios is relevant. THat was my point. At the extreme, it would certainly be telling you something if all the boys got into their schools but none of the girls did. Chelle84, definitely re the sandpit, yes I agree. All, when it comes to choosing among offers, I had been very keen on asking children which school they felt happiest in, till my niece chose one school and went there. it was actually my sister's choice anyway, which is just as well as it has jsut transpired the little one chose it simply because THEY GAVE HER A BISCUIT(!)

BN, I think you'd be surprised how many low earning parents make substantial sacrifices for private education, going without holidays, cars, bigger house and the biggest sacrifice of them all, another child. Something like this scheme might well be of interest/help so thank you for mentioning it.

Tulip, Hello there, I generally type summaries of my thoughts, onehandedly, with a squirmer on my knee and expect most people to have ESP and understand! This might jsut be unreasonable - ;-). Let me clarify. Most diseases have specific groups at risk, for different reasons. Some are inherited (eg sickle cell, cystic fibrosis), some are environment linked - stress, living conditions etc, and some groups have a predisposition (eg malignant melanoma). When we balance the likelihood of our child (a) being exposed to the disease and (b) developing it, it is clear that the cost/benefit analysis indicates against taking the vaccination. But we'll see - if numbers and medical advice change, we'll re assess it, as any conscientious parent will.

Prm, I think it all depends. I don't know any women, for example, who tried to bf. Some thought it disgusting - I am NOT saying I think this but some of my friends were repelled by it - others had high powered jobs that cannot accommodate it, regardless of the legal position, and others had heard horror stories of mastitis etc. So, just to show, there are very different views on it. The beauty of a forum like this with sensible reasonable people posting is that we can agree everyone's view has validity and leave it at that. Especially on such a sunny day...hurrah!

Problem with forumula in poor countries is that mothers don't have easy access to sterile water. THat doesn't apply in the western world. Fuschia, I do agree with you re the ethics of selling dubious products to people - eg Philip Morris cigarettes to the CHinese market as an obvious example. I also think that we are unaware of how much of an agenda Govt has in terms of cost cutting and following politicised objectives such as the whole bf campaign. One could argue it save them money in welfare payments as bm is free. However, it also keeps mum at home, under State control and unable to work. (the vast majority of jobs realsitically cannot have women expressing.) It isn't clear cut who is really using whom once you start to think about it.

I think we will not get it done. It is only offered in this area owing to the overall ethnic mix and we don't fall into the specific categories at risk. General policy decisions are all very well but you need to look at the specific risk for your child. (Herd immmunity arguments are irrelevant if your child is at low risk anyway. THey apply where the whole population is at more or less equal risk eg childhood illnesses where it clearly benefits the entire group to try to irradicate a very common disease. If you ch is very unlikely to get it, you are not contributing much to the herd's overlal immunity by getting him or her inoculated.)

Nb that stats for sections include emergency sections where either the mother or baby is already in trouble. Planned section are a COMPLETELY different kettle of fish. Biggest risk is bp drop in mother which the most junior anaesthetist should be looking for in advance. Subsequent hysterectomy occasionally occurs but is likely to be from panicked emergency scenarios. (In a planned section, if drs and expert witnesses were honest, medical negligence would be the cause.)

Keef, exactly. You got the point.

SWoman, I agree with you. That wasn't my point. Let me make it clearer - the point is that the (obviosuly Labour party appointed) educational inspectorate will not draw attention to this type of thing when views on any form of selection within education within the Labour party are so polarised.

what about safety for the baby? I don't know the statistics but I imagine worse owing to risks with the cord?

THis has enaraged me for a while - it's completely ludicrous for a perfectly legal product to be made into a second class "citizen" as it were... follow on milk is allowed to be advertised etc I believe...

Yes it is a sort of unilateral grammar/ comp set up. weird. I can see why the inspectors don't want to draw attention to that....

Moos, yes exactly; where IS their fighting spirit? ;-)

Why don't you ask them for their stats on getting (girls obviously) into JAPPS/JAPS? and cf the boys' results...

Friend of mine has one answer to the mere concept of "guilt" re epidurals. "show me a footballer who gets his broken leg reset without state of the art anaesthetic"

I jsut fold up the pram - you take the carrycot thing off if still at that stage and collapse the chassis, leave in boot of minicab - then I sit with the baby around me, in a Baby bjorn. Then you have the pram at the other end, which might be useful.

Katgod, Rosemead's summer hol is almost exactly 6 weeks long. (where did you get such extraordinary information from?)

Another idea. If you decide to go for the State school adn are at risk of losing the R deposit, I would be tempted to ask them to exercise discretion, explain exactly why, you hadn;t relaised the extra cotss and cannot cover them, and ask for it to be refunded. It does sound like you might have case, if they didn't make all the costs clear. I think they might be positively inclined as long as you keep it conifdential. Secondly, if this fails, I think you have a strong case, to agree with them that, if you re-apply in a few years, you can get it back. Sorry - it's a lot of money.

Lateral thought, having seen the hours you work. Are you a teacher? Could you get a job in a private school (ie to get the help with fees that that involves)? It's clear that private education is better for any number of reasons BUT is it ?4000 plus a term better? Could that money or some of that money be better spent on educational holidays/musical instruments lessons/following up your daughter's specific abilities once you know better what those are? Regarding womanofdulwich's post, no, I'm afraid you could not guarantee getting into Rosemead after a few years at a state school unless (a) they have a place - quite likely as people move house but (b) you will need vg guidance on what is required by them at that stage. Having said all this, Rosemead is less competitive than other local private schools. I sympathise. It isn't easy and you sound like a fantastic mother, trying very hard to do the right thing. Maybe, however, there is no absolute right thing and you should jsut make the best of all options? Just a thought...

Yes, interesting. Streaming will, of course, generally get better results as the academic children are encouraged to work to their potential as opposed to resting on their laurels in a mixed pool.

I found the first 3 months wonderful for three reasons: 1. the baby was and is very easy going, happy, good at sleeping etc., 2. my husband did a huge amount and 3. I had the most massive surge of euphoria hormones. However, more or less bang on 12 weeks, the hormones changed, my hair fell out and my joints started to ache. My energy went completely, I got every bug going and I really paid the price of the euphoria. I think it is Mother Nature ensuring that the baby is well looked fter in his/her earliest days. By 3 month,she/he is a bit stronger and so the mummy's input is marginally less crucial. Either way I've loved it and I hope you do too.