dulwichmum

Just got back home from the play ground at about 5pm myself Ant. I didn't see you there!

Yes where is everyone?

Where has everyone been? The forum has been down for hours! I haven't known how to occupy myself without my chums........

Go on, Mr Administrator - send me to the lounge? I love it when you tell me off......

Pops head around door - sees Clare untangling wool, .... brings in tray with pot of tea and Bendicks Bittermints for Clare. Dashes home to get some shut eye...

Thinks, 'So that is where I left my handbag!' - picks up handbag - admires toe cleavage and red toe nails in new 'toe peep' shoes - bought today from 'Stella b' and dashes out the door........

.............lounging sans enfants. Closes laptop gently. Corrects seam on the back of silk stocking. Admires red everlasting nail polish from Nails inc. Sighs......... wonders when Mr Batdog will turn up. Smiles seductively at Mr Mikewbate, stands up for a stretch - knocks over Mr Joe likes dinner's copy of The Spectator....... exposing his copy of 'The Joy of Sex'. Blushes, picks up enormous handbag and leaves.........

Dear Mr Mikewbate, Why, do you need a bath?

Dear Mr Huguenot, God I loved that record - 'Speak like a child' - now there is a blast from the past! Yes Blondie too.

Dear Mr Mightyroar, OHMYGODYES! Clearly........ For a woman of less than forty, I am rather tasty (I can look any way I choose on the forum you know) - think of Lara Croft with a four wheeled drive and some little people in tow. Hurrah, the joys of the internet.

Dear Crazy Nurse, Forgive me, I have just scanned through all of the other posts - there are a lot! There was an indication earlier that you were indeed a nurse, perhaps crazy, someone suggested you were aggressive and dare I say it... shouting. Pray dear heart - are you in fact a qualified midwife?

Dear Mr Ant and Mr Mikewbate, Have I missed something? Has the administrator deleted something again? Of course I have boobs, they are rather nice for a lady of my age actually, but if this line of chat continues with regard to my physical attributes James may come to the forum night out and punch people on the nose!

Dear Mr Huguenot, Forgive me sweetie, do you mean David Milliband? Or darling man, could you possibly be referring to me???? I am sure you are not, but on my mix tape, would be The Jam, The Small Faces, The Who and The Clash. Ah yes, the eighties, those were the days....... I was a mod.

Can we get a real espresso machine in here that makes good Italian coffee? I would like to get an interior designer in and make it look like the set of Hotel Babylon, great swathes of luxurious fabrics hanging on white walls, Mr CrystalClear, Mr Mockney Piers and Mr Huguenot lounging about in their smoking jackets! Perhaps we could put a small bowl of water on the carpet in case Mr Batdog needs a drink?

Dear Administrator and Mr Keef, Hurrah! At last, somewhere for 'the chattering classes' (my husband can be so nasty sometimes) - to chatter! Can I have the big aubergine coloured velvet armchair near the window? Mine is a big milkey latte and a large slice of blueberry cheesecake, .... oh rats, I have to work. Nevermind, I can chat later - that shall me my chair though, OK? I can't wait to hear all of Ms Polly Dorners news.........

When is Mr Batdog coming back, I miss Batdog......

Dear Mr Mockney Piers, Have you been smoking again?

Mr SeanMacGabhann, You really are quite masterful aren't you?

Dear Mr Ant, And you with a young baby sleeping in the next room!

WOW!!! Ms Polly Dorner, Congratulations! Come on, have you got a ring yet? Did he present you with one? When is the big day? Can we come to the church to throw some rice (clearly not tins of Ambrosia creamed...). I am soooooooo delighted for you. I can pass you on my Phil and Teds double buggy as quick as you like! Top Tip from Dulwichmum, get yourself to Victoria WH Smith and get yourself a copy of the Martha Stewart Weddings magazine, the rest of them are trash, they will put you off weddings, and that is not the best start to married life........ Ahhhhhhhhhh, I must go and get some tissues,......

Yes, indeed what is a milf?

Boys, boys, boys.......... all the nice girls are in bed by midnight!

Yes you are so right Mr Huguenot, Some of my I even have a tattoo of the word 'love' on my knuckles! (from when I was a full-time brickie - before I had the children you understand).

Dear Mr SeanMacGabhann, of gin............clearly! Ice and lemon please - (said in voice not dis similar to Bonnie Tyler while clicking knuckles slowly one at a time). PS. I have given up Guinness and wine for Lent.

Dear Mr SeanMacGabhann, That woman is me!