dulwichmum

Darling Snorky, I am with giggirl, do you want a sheaf of lillies or the word "SNORKY" spelled out in plastic blue carnations? Could you be a bit more specific with regard to floral tributes? If you would rather that we made cash donations to an erectile disfunction charity, it really is best to leave more instruction...(smirk)!

King Ted! You are an inspiration. Also, PeckhamRose, I still want the upmarket Mausoleum in the grounds of Dulwich Picture Gallery, but I now want my ashes to sneakily be put inside a firework and set off from the spire of St Thomas Moore Church.

James and I have been updating our wills, and I have been wondering what kind of funeral I would like if I were to pass away (sigh). I had initially considered being buried in my wedding dress as it was a fabulous couture Vera Wang confection and I wore it only once, although it was the most enormous dress. However, I would hate to have a huge coffin shaped like a Dairylea triangle? clearly. Perhaps my casket should be white, to signify innocence, some kind of veneer on polystyrene (light as a feather) minimalist, tasteful and plain with no embellishments. I could be cremated secretly first, and subsequently have a funeral for the tiny coffin containing my ashes, so that everyone can admire how small and light I will be? The poll bearers would struggle to keep hold of my coffin in the lightest breeze! I shall never forget the sight of the poor guardsmen staggering under the weight of Diana?s coffin ? OHMYGOD, how embarrassing! A low key, understated celebration of my life sounds perfect. I would favour a selection of young choristers, their voices breaking with emotion as they sing, in fact, lots of undignified wailing and crying, arum lilies everywhere, terribly tasteful, just like that film Imitation of life would be perfect. I would like The Red Arrows to fly over Dulwich in formation and a twelve cannon salute in the grounds of Dulwich Picture Gallery next to my enormous Mausoleum. What kind of funeral would you like?

Oh Brum, how charming! And Kalam, I can't think what you mean. Poor Michael Paleogulus will surely bear witness to the fact that I have given him a good tongue lashing on more than one occasion...

I shall just text a friend who owns some horses and get you a tip Mr Quid. I am terribly well connected you know (runs perfectly manicured hand through glossy mane)...

Can I offer anyone a cup of tea? My housekeeper is around here somewhere... Well you didn't expect me to make it myself did you?

Oh Brum darling, Would you be very upset if you discovered that I am in fact ... simply a fabulous married lady, and not just a retired brickie from Penge?

bigbadwolf Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > No way! My anonymity is what keeps me alive. > There's only one person on this forum who know my > real name. Oh Mr Wolf darling, you make a girl feel so very, very (and I mean this so very sincerely) special (SWOON)...

Brum darling! Do I need to remind you that I am a married lady? Monica dear heart, do you mean the men from the BMF (swoon)? They are super fit and extremely handsome, aren't they? They make me glad to be alive (sigh)...

All this testosterone in one place - OHMYGOD... I adore a good ruck!

Oh Moos sweetie, you are too nice! Mikecg, don't take it as a sign of love, take it as a sign we are family (you are a poor financially strapped little brother, and I am a fabulously wealthy and super attractive and successful older sibling!). Mr Wolf darling (I just wanted to call you darling then... I can't really explain why). Michael dear, stop talking about your scars - they will all want one!

Oh sweetie, I would summon the appropriate tradesman!

Well Mikecg darling, that is exactly what I was thinking about you! It sounded as though you hated yourself because you are undeniably drawn to me, and I am ... a 64 year old retired builder from Penge.

Dear Mikecg, You were fascinated by my underwear, go on, admit it ... http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h117/whubstickle/fat_guy_in_girl_underwear.jpg

Declan sweetie, What exactly are you trying to say? I am simply hanging around this forum being fabulous. I don't expect to be bombarded by private messages from men insisting to see pictures of me in my pants... Naturally the Admin bars anyone who gets too amorous...(sniff)

I didn't go for a romp in the park the end. I broke a nail on one of my electric rollers and was forced to make an emergency visit to a local beauty emporium. Grooming is everything you know. And no Michael, I did not knit my track suit myself sweetie. I am as helpless as a tiny baby when it comes to anything to do with domestic chores... (sigh)

OK then, you can get down now (gives long hard stare). And as for you Mr Brum, we shall have less of that tone young man! I have no time for naughtiness this morning. I am limbering up right now for a class at 10 am. Shosh said that it is not on this Saturday morning, but the web site says it is (sigh). I look so fabulous in my new tracksuit, I shall just pop along to make sure...

Are you remorseful?

Oh dear, I am off to confession... I am back on the BMF website tonight looking for a class for tomorrow morning, I am hooked! That man is a dish (swoon).

I wonder if Poppy and her other strange new comer type chums are in fact journalists in search of a story. Haven't they noticed? The economy is on it's knees...

Oh CupidStunt darling, you are more than welcome. Pull up a chair sweetie. Do I know you? Your name is so familiar, I can't remember where I heard it...

OHMYGOD! Mikecg... I agree completely. I am getting one of my heads, I shall need to go and lie down! Halal_face sweetie, If you want to engage in debate or lively bantor you are more than welcome on this forum. If your agenda is to insite confrontation, that is my job, go away and cause trouble elsewhere. We are not racists.

Mr Wolf. I am proud of you, good dog. I shall leave you half a chicken tonight...

Isn't "rock and roll" what U2 do? What is the difference between Bono and God? God doesn't hang around in Dublin pretending to be Bono...

PeckhamRose! Thats it... You should be on the plinth on your laptop. I would sit in an armchair and drink a bottle of Chablis. I should finish one off easily within an hour...