littleEDfamily

jojobaby, once it becomes clear that someone is fanatical in their options, a meaningful debate becomes impossible, but I just can't resist asking why it's remotely relevant that most of your family is 'medical' - what sort of medical people are we talking about here? Physiotherapists, podiatrists, dentists.....radiographers... er... or some other kind of expert in parenting a small baby..? PS My baby slept happily in her own room from only a few weeks' old. She seems fine, but I am clearly the devil incarnate.;-)

What you need to do regarding the Bank Holidays mostly falling on Mondays issue it to add them (pro-rated) to the 'regular' entitlement. So, say the nanny works for you 2 days a week and is entitled to the statutory minimum a year), that's 8 days 'regular' holiday (20/5)*2), plus 3.2 Bank Holidays (two fifths of the 8 Bank holidays she's entitled to). So, let's round up and say it's 11.5 days holiday in total a year. But.......every time a Bank Holiday falls on a Monday (and she doesn't work), you knock a day off the overall entitlement. So in a year when 7 of the 8 fall on a Monday, that means she'll actually only have 4.5 'regular' holiday days to use for the year (11.5 minus 7). Sounds a bit mean, but if her other employer takes into account Bank Holidays in the same way, she'll get a 4.5 day Bank Holiday entitlement plus 12 days regular entitlement, and of those 16.5 days (giving her a total of 28 days across the two families), only one day will be taken on an actual bank holiday, giving her 15.5 regular days. Essentially, the only fair way round it is to lump all the different kinds of holiday in as one. Once you know what the whole year's entitlement for your family is, you just need to make sure you deduct a days holiday every Monday or Tuesday she has off, regardless of whether it's a Bank Hol or regular holiday. Hope that helps.

Oh it's so hard. I tried many permutations and combinations, and I couldn't get it to work for me (despite having a flexible employer). Making it work, I think to some extent, comes down to your psychological state - I was always anxious about what I wasn't doing, what people thought of me being part-time, not being able to put my blackberry down for 5 minutes on my days off etc etc. I am a bit control-freakish too, and that just doesn't go with having a FWA, as there is some stuff you just have to let go off. The women I have seen make it work are those who are disciplined at setting boundaries between work and home and don't care what others think. They also seem to resign themselves to not getting promoted or putting any pressure on themselves to advance career-wise, at least in the short-term. (It's quite depressing to write that). It will take a while to adapt to the juggling of childcare, running the house, commuting and general life organisation, but I think it's also so important to try and prepare yourself for the mental impact of work just not being the experience it was pre-kids. I wish I had set myself some boundaries before I went back to work and stuck to them, rather than trying to have it all and killing myself in the process. For the record, if you can afford it, I would go with 3 days, but there may have to be some redefinition of your role. I think 4 days is virtually 'full-time', whereas a 3 day week gives the sense of so much more time with the little one, but is much more limiting in terms of what you can realistically achieve.

To snowboader: I just wanted to say that I think a lot of us who talk retrospectively about what worked for us possibly give a more positive spin on it that we would really have felt was the case as the time - not necessarily on purpose either. It seems to be a wonderful quirk of parenthood that you have selective memory of the past (tending only to remember the better stuff), so take heart from that!

Maybe not exactly your style, but at least not of the frumpy variety: http://www.mamafeelsgood.com/breastfeeding-tees/

helena handbasket Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > We need a laugh.......For babies to hear when > parents cry........ He he, that made me laugh. In all seriousness, I once had a complete breakdown after a particularly horrible trip home on bus/ train with a totally unco-operative toddler and heavy bags. I howled like a banshee when I got home and I have never seen the wee one look so perplexed. Bizarrely, it seemed to straighten her out and she behaved perfectly for the rest of the night. Re: Gina, I never read her properly - I am slightly Victorian in my parenting style anyway. But I have absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that a half way decent routine (that you're not ridiculously anal about), does parents and sprog a whole lot of favours! Although I did get a few helpful points from reading baby books, overall, in hindsight, I felt they eroded my confidence. I was always more anxious when trying to digest whatever book I had dipped into. Gina or any other guru is great if they make you feel more confident and in control as a parent. As far as the 'psychological damage' argument goes.... eeerrr, not convinced. Parenthood is all about balancing firmness with kindness, in my opinion. For the record, I think controlled crying has its place as does any other means of drawing boundaries. I think all parents have the instinct to nurture and to be kind and attentive to their children's needs. What it takes time to learn (and is ongoing) is when is the appropriate time to be firm, and what kind of firmness will work best in that situation. A totally permissive and indulgent parenting style would concern me far more in terms of lasting damage than anything Gina is likely to come up with! (PS not saying any of you are indulgent parents for the record).

Panic, panic, panic! If it's logistically possible, make time to see your old friends (whether they have kids or not). As helpful as the mummy network can be, there's no better friend than an old friend. I also used to (and still do) go into town and lunch/ coffee with hubby and workmates. Helps to stave off ED cabin fever! And so easy while they are still small enough to put in the baby carrier. I personally agree with Mellors on the need to get showered first thing (although I know some vehemently disagree - I think it's a personality thing - my sister can stay in her PJs all day and still feel good about herself), and even apply a smidgen of make up (my mother brainwashed me about the need for lipstick). At least then you feel like you can (if you feel the need) brave the world without too much prep. Like they say on the aeroplane, in case of an emergency, sort yourself out first - you're better able to sort the young 'un out then! Re: showering, I used to bring the nappy mat into the bathroom and bubs would just observe the proceedings from there. Did you do NCT? Having people at exactly the same stage you are to talk to is so valuable. If you didn't do the course itself, they do run tea groups and I met some really nice mums that way.

Absolutely brilliant!!

JAGS also does a preggie yoga on Tuesday evenings. Here's a link to the timetable: http://www.jagssportsclub.co.uk/aerobics.asp

Our sproglet started morning nursery today, and I have to say, I dropped and ran - both of us happy to have someone else to hang out with for a few hours a day. We're weird, I know, but I was so relieved to have the time on my own and she was just so enchanted by the new toys and abundant choice of playmates, she could barely force out a cursory 'goodbye'. When it's proper school they're starting, I can see how it's a different story because of all the associations with your little baby PROPERLY growing up. Maybe even I will shed a tear then - I think it's nice to be emotionally affected by life's milestones!

So Davina it is! She's looking in pretty fine shape, esp for a ma of 3 so she must be doing something right. I'm actually post-natal as well as 'natal', and after feeling horrendous for weeks, am keen to capitalise on no longer feeling awful and keep the baby weight gain in check! Bit difficult to get out and about for long walks with the weather as it is, hence the interest in homebound exercising! Anyone seen Colleen Nolan's new one? She was on GMTV promoting today. Looked pretty cheesy, but a bit of fromage can be good on occasion? Or not....

I am planning on doing something I have never done before and buying a fitness DVD. Looking for a dance one that doesn't take itself too seriously so my wee daughter and I can have a giggle together while getting on down! I'm intrigued by the celebrity ones, but really open-minded! Recommendations please!!

My little one didn't give two hoots who I left her with at 8 months! I had anxiety about being such a bad mother, my child didn't care that I was leaving her. As she got older, she did go through periods of hysteria, and this was heartbreaking! As long as you are 100% happy with who you are leaving her with, I think you just have to put it down to different children responding differently to separation (as opposed to anything you can control). I really hopes it gets better and judging from what I hear from others who have had a similar experience to you, I am sure time will bring good things!

R&A, I am so sorry to hear your tale, as I remember your previous posts in late pregnancy and had my fingers crossed for a smooth labour for you. The terror of Kings (and most other NHS hospitals) is that it's such a lottery as to who you'll get. Although some of the staff are undoubtedly wonderful, there are some I wouldn't trust to pack my groceries! As much as the main thing is getting your baby out in one piece, you just can't under-estimate what a fly in the ointment it is to feel so neglected (and have people be so obnoxious to you) at one of the most vulnerable times of your life. I was ranting for weeks and weeks (ok, months) about my experience at Kings, and relatively speaking I got off lightly. I hope everything heals up soon, and the hideous memories start to fade. vangough, I have no magic wand, and I hope this isn't taken the wrong way, but would it be worth exploring a private option? I don't advocate places like the Portland, but there I hear there are some fabulous midwife led private establishments in South London (I'm sure I have seen some threads on here before).

Yes, I think that's realistic. You should be able to get a decent nanny for that, as long as you're not expecting mega-long days (I think the norm is around 10 hours). Re: holidays, most nannies will get the statutory minimum (I think 22 days), which can include Bank Holidays. You'll need to arrange a plan for deciding when holidays can be taken, as it's a bit of a juggling act in my experience to make sure the nanny and both families get to take at least some of their holidays at a time that suits them. You need to think about sick pay as well - your payroll service provider can advise you on that. If you end up having to take holiday or unpaid leave when your childcare falls through, it can be a big 'hidden cost'.

Remember to factor in the cost of Ofsted registration and nanny payroll services, the latter are about ?10 a month and I think Ofsted is ?100, but not sure how often that crops up (I think yearly - although you could write into the contract that they are responsible for their own registration costs). Also think about the initial outlay for double buggies or any other equipment you need. For sole charge of one child at about ?7.50 (net) an hour, for a 10 hour day, I would bank on it costing you around ?100 all in per day. Yikes. If you're sharing, you can get that down to ?60 pretty easily, maybe as low as ?55. I think it's a good idea to set expectations regarding salary reviews at the start, as some nannies will expect annual raises as a matter of course (and if your own salary is likely to be static, it may not be realistic).

Yes I did! I was planning on starting a thread about it (but forgot) so am glad you did. It made me feel quite emotional for some reason - those senior midwifes were just the coolest customers in the world - totally unfrazzlable! Couldn't help repeating over and over to hubby what an amazingly responsible job being a midwife is and how hard it must be. I loved how much they emphasised the need to care for and support the woman, as well as being on top of all the technicalities. Didn't actually take too much notice of Amanda Holden - too busy squealing about the gore of birth! Ok, about to be very controversial, but did anyone find themselves wishing the lady at the end had just pushed on pain and all? It all seemed to go so pear-shaped after the epidural, it seemed eerily quiet after she got the jab..... NOT judging people who choose to have epidurals, but I couldn't help but wonder.... I was also quite shocked about the reality of the Vantoose method (not sure how to spell) - I was proper squealing at that part!

My worst comment was from my sister who said (flippantly), "You'll need a c-section. I had to have one, and so did mum". I don't mind the gory stories (like JR Thomas, morbid fascination, and I reckon they harden you up!), it's the 'know it all comments' (for which men are just as bad), where people decree that since x happened to them, x will happen to you - they're by far the most annoying!!!

The critical factor for me when deciding where to have a(nother) baby is whether my partner can stay with me all the way through and afterwards. I felt being left alone at Kings (starving!) in the middle of the night directly after giving birth quite a frightening experience and would not have liked to go through any of the labour on my own (ie sans hubby). For that reason, I think it would have to be a homebirth for me next time, so at least I could call the shots. At the risk of sounding like a control freak, I think feeling 'empowered' (overused word, I know) during labour is so important, and unfortunately hospitals are (for some of us anyway) places where you can't help but feel vulnerable at best, degraded at worst. If it's got to be a hospital, I agree with those who have said closer is best, especially if you need to stay in the post-natal ward it's a real faff to have a significant journey through London traffic to contend with. I also think psychologically, you are more comfortable staying at home till preg is well established (which the midwifes want you to/ insist that you do) if you know it's just a few minutes to get to hospital. I think if I had been with Tommy's I would have gone earlier, and who knows what course the labour would have taken that had been the case.

We got lots of disapproving comments when we mentioned we had decided to find out the gender of the baby. The over 50s in particular said annoying things to us like "What would you want to do that for, you've spoilt the fun". It seems that having a baby is the easiest way to get people to be impolite and insensitive - maybe society's way of toughening you up in preparation for the challenges ahead! (or maybe nothing more than people being irritating!)

Now you're talking, vinceayre! One that's big enough to sort of double as nappy bag if you need it to. That's the kind of thing I would never dream of buying for myself or asking someone else to buy for me, but it would DEFINITELY be a very very very welcome gift at one of life's main milestones! Wowsers.

Ooh yes, Gubodge, I remember while I was pregnant, my sister in law telling us about her friend who had just called her baby not only the same first name as we had picked out, but also a variant of OUR middle name. I remember being quite irrationally cross about it, even though this friend lives in another country. I guess that's the downside of keeping tight lipped.

I like the idea of a lovely piece of jewellery, but, on a more practical level, what about a month of delicious pre-made evening meals from one of those companies who deliver (sorry can't remember any of their names)?

We knew our name before conception (I never had a doubt it wouldn't be a girl) and it felt really nice being able to associate the 'fetus' with an actual named child all the way through... but.... we didn't tell anyone else the name, mainly for fear of the sort of response BellendenBear got (horrible). When friends are having a baby, I quite like the suspense of not knowing the name until they actually pop out. But to answer your question, ED Mummy, yes I think it is becoming more of a trend - sort of a natural next step to finding out the sex.

It's a really fine line between getting to hospital too early and leaving it too late. I hung out at home as long as I possibly could and when we all (me, husband and midwife friend on phone) all finally agreed it was finally time to go, I was a gibbering mess. Midwife friend reckoned she knew I was ready to go when I no longer wanted to communicate with her over the phone or even seem prepared to acknowledge anyone was trying to speak to me. I think that's not a bad yardstick! If I did it all again, I would have liked to have been in slightly more control when I got to the hospital. But..........in my humble opinion, better to err on side of going too late than turning up early and being sent away (also more chance of intervention if you get there early). Good luck, SianandTony - we look forward to hearing your tale when it's all over (I love a birth story!!!)