Michael Palaeologus

Sorry, come to this one a bit late. I will be there and help and stuff. D-M - The Razzle thing was soooo last month.

I am not covered - Business Consultant, sort of.

I am feeling a tad queasy this morning, and I have a few spots.

Got lots of the mini eggs an' a bar of milk choccie too - getting smaller though..

Help ...

No problem DM - plenty more were that came from!! Fancy a Godiva Choccie egg?

Oh good grief ..........

*Walks in feeling rather chipper, pours self a Westmalle Tripple and starts to nibble on a punnet of frites and mayonnaise* *Anybody fancy a Belgian choccie?* *Ambles over to DM and cant help joining her looking wistfully into her handbag* *Its very VERY big in there .. hang on, is that a sonic screw-driver I spy?* *Is DM really Dr Who in his/her latest manifestation? Which would mean that Batdog is K-9* *There's a thought, time for a bollocken of Der Kooningen I think*

Just back from Antwerp. Nice weather, great muscles and frites and lovely beers in the Ood Arsenaal pub - met a charming Yorkie couple and their Flemish friends. OD'd on the Flemish masters and spent yesterday afternoon strolling around Antwerp zoo. Got back this afternoon and bumped into Mr and Mrs Georgia Bullock over the salads at Sainsbos. Just watching the telly - bad news of General Gordon in Khartoum I fear.

Mr Batdog - this really is too bad of you! You flit back and send DM into all of pother, when you know that you will be disappearing again, leaving her bereft and calling out to you in the wilderness. Its those of us that remain that have to hand out the hankies and apply the smelling salts

An interesting mixture of metaphors DM. He was never the right man for you. He has no hairy welsh mother. There's lovely.

What, forever DM?

I shall raise a glass to one and all in Antwerp.

Could they spare some pews? The Marquee could have a theme - "The Quiet Room" - that would be enjoyably bizzare

They eat black-fly. They taste nasty - childhood memory.

Clearly the revalation that Mr Batdog is not actually a dog will be an important story arc. He could perhaps be Keef's long-lost father? Hence they both look particularly good in baby-blue cashmere and diapers.

*Skips in, arms firmly by sides, kicking manically from the knee, clutching shillelagh and pint of Guiness, dressed in bright green outfit, a bowler hat with gold buckle and heavy black shoes* *Top of the mornin' to ya! - Ah, its the afternoon, must be the large number of hours spent in the Crown Bar, Belfast last night* *Discards Shillelagh, but not bowler hat and dives gracefully into the pool* *Dee-dee, diddley, diddley, diddley, diddley, diddley - ad nauseum*

I think that the chimney cleaning age is now set at 7 years old as long as it "work experience" and results in a project report. The same is true for loom cleaning and match box manufacture. Not sure about boot-black making, might be subject to different rules.

Surely the answer for the disappointed is to head round to D-Ms back garden on the appointed weekend and have your own festival? Fill the kids paddling pool with mud, drink cheap cider, BBQ some cheap veggie burgers and slap a Take That CD on the CD player. How authentic can you get?

Does Daisy-Shambles know that she is the subject of public debate? Cant help thinking that if she found out there would be a teenage hissy fit of apocalyptic proportions. Small mushroom cloud hovering over ED type of thing.

*Cant help noticing that Mrs Dobbin the lactating Donkey has taken rather a shine to the Unicorn's, well, horn.* *Not at all impressed by the lack of morality being dispalyed by the otherwise good natured Donkey* *Still, perhaps Ana will be all the more impressed by the gift of a lactating Donkey pregnant by a Unicorn. Thinks that the birth could be a little tricky though*

Saturday-Girl - the need for a secret squirrel identifier was discussed a month or so ago - we came up with: Question - "Do you post?" Answer - "Only to the east!"

Not a parent, but my parents were both teachers and I have innumerable Godsprogs. What you describe does sound horribly normal for a 14 year old. The school letter sounds like it should be a round-robin letter to the parents of most teenagers. To a 14 year old most adults are indeed Dumb-f*cks as we of course completely unable to understand what they are going through as we are all ancient fossils. I read an article that was describing the massive changes that the brains and bodies of teenagers are going through. It described how the transformation was similar to a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. The resulting tendency to get stroppy, sleep alot and be apain to be with is perfectly natural - albeit a pain.

Clare I empathise. My Mum thinks that there is "still a war on". How that is an excuse for eating tinned new potatoes is beyond me.

This is a real nostalgia moment for me. I worked at a Brighton indie cinema when I was at college (The Duke of Yorks) we had some great times and I saw so many movies. The late Saturday night shows were fun, start at 11pm and show 2 films. Nothing too taxing, usually classic films of their genres that dont normally get shown on the big screen and some Golden Raspberries for even more fun. The Cheech and Chong films were popular, strangely sitting in that audience could make a chap feel quite light headed. I met Dickie Attenborough when he made a discreet visit to see "Brighton Rock" during a Brighton Festival season, he called me "Lovey" - as he would. A personal favourite are B&W films of the 30s and 40s. Basil Rathbone as Holmes; a favourite movie of that time is "A Canterbury Tale" - not the medieval classic, but a ww2 period movie set in the Kent coutryside - no warfare,just a morality play in the form of a whimsical tale. Ah memories, time to put my false teeth in, meals on wheels is late ..