Vickster

I was told by simply childcare that in the current climate, ?10 ph net was at the upper end of the spectrum, but as dulwichgirl2 points out, most nannies seem to charge that. I have never personally encountered a nanny paid higher, but I have not been looking in the norland nanny category. Mum2be, good luck to you if you can afford to pay a nanny ?20 per hour. If you had a nanny full time, you would be looking at a net salary of around ?4000 per month, and you woold need to pay their tax and Ni on top of that, probably around ?800 a month. ?57k per year. That's a hell of a lot out of your NET salary. You would need to be earning in excess of ?100k a year just to pay your nanny, never mind other outgoings. Edited to say, Mum2be, I have actually just looked at your previous posts and realise you are a nanny. Your posts above make more sense now.

?10 per hour is top whack for a nanny currently I believe, so you definitely shouldn't be paying more than that for daytime care.

What does the contract say?

I don't think the temperature is warm enough to cause condensation. That was actually the other thing for me, the bath was warm not hot so I just didn't feel the benefits of it like you would a hot bath. I think it also depends at what stage you use it. In the early stage I think it would definitely help with relaxation, but then so would your own bath tub. When you are in established labour, I think people tend to kneel in the pool leaning on the side, and a bath is just not deep enough for that.

I had a pool for my first (unsuccessful) home birth and didn't find the water helped at all. Like Sanne Panne I love swimming and baths and find water in general very therapeutic so thought it would be brilliant for me, but felt the contractions really hard to deal with in the water. Out of water I felt more grounded (for want of a better expression) but in the water the floaty element meant I was unable to brace myself as effectively against the pain and so didn't cope with ita as effectively, I didn't bother with one for my second (successful) home birth. It is a very personal thing. I would have one available as it might be exactly right for you and then you have that option. If you don't use it, it is not the end of the world. A Tens machine was my home birth saviour, but again it is a very personal thing and some don't find them effective at all.

I had my white gold rings rhodium plated at Nina Christie. Very happy with the results. Can't remember the cost but don't think it was mega.

Hi Jane I have a just turned 4 spiderman if that is of any use to you?! Victoria

LucyA1308, please could you let me know where you get these traps? Thanks very much

My eldest loves Hever, Chartwell not so much. We haven't yet been to Bodiam, but I have very fond memories of it as a child as being a proper castle, as posted above. If you are visiting Hever or Chartwell, a shameless plug for my mum's restaurant which is a short drive from both: Haxted Mill Lovely food, and tables out on the terrace by the river Eden if the weather is good. There is also a small watermill museum in the building next door.

Hi Sally We have already PM'd. I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and am always keen for playdates on the days that I am not working (Tuesday and Friday). Good luck with the house purchase - I hope it all goes well. It sounds like you are going to be very close to me. Victoria

Not specifically on homebirths, but I would highly recoomend this book by Maggie Howell which I used when preparing for mine: http://www.natalhypnotherapy.co.uk/33.html I used it in conjunction with the natal hypnotherapy CDs (they have a specific home birth set), and found the book invaluable and definitely think you could read it without needing to get the CDs as well.

I took the tablets as couldn't stomach the tea. Not sure of the difference in strength/effectiveness

Interesting first post ican'thearyou - really going to endear yourself to people.... Back to the article, and totally agree with Saffron regarding the underlying issues in the parent/child relationship. I can speak from experience too, working full time after the birth of my first. It is very easy to be a soft parent (whether you intend to or not) when the time you spend with your child is limited.

Coach Beth , that is very interesting. I clearly know nothing about this. Aside from the state pension, I thought you got nothing from the government.

Prickle, for the record I agree with you. My parents all live too far away for me to be any practical help, so it would only be finacially that I was able to help. One would hope that their generation was sufficiently aware of the requirements of old age to have saved into a pension for these eventualities. If it became necessary for one parent to go into a nursing home and the other stayed in the family home and therefore it could not be sold to meet the care costs, then extra money would be required to pay for these costs.

Growlybear, just to be clear, there was never any expectation that anything would be organised around my child's sleep patterns. On the other hand, that doesn't stop me being allowed to be a bit frustrated about the difficulties it would cause. As for inflexible routines, what nonsense. Every baby I know has a sleep around lunchtime early afternoon. What time that sleep may occur, in my case, can be varied widely. But the consequences of not having it at all are not fun, as we found out at about 3pm on Sunday when the predicted meltdown occurred. The posts regarding holidays/school fees are interesting. One thing that has occurred to me, is in the future, who picks up the tab when parents need extra care at home/nursing homes? Presumably it is the children if the parents can't afford it. But what if the parents have spent the previous 10 years on lavish cruises blowing their savings? What would be the case then? If our parents expect us to stand on our own two feet financially aged 18, presumably they should not expect to fall back on us financially in their old age? This is all hypothetical (I hope), but would be interested in people's thoughts.

Kalamiphile - he doesn't think the ruby wedding stuff is a big deal, hence the post really. As I have no point of reference from my own family I wanted to see how others dealt with these milestones. As regards the aunt/uncle wedding anniversary, he took one look at the invite and said "they'll be lucky" (unprompted and with no comment from me I hasten to add!), so we have some common ground. Saffron, another example of how different families are, I think it is weird that we have been invited, but I appreciate that others will see this as perfectly normal. I am totally with Knomester on this. I see an anniversary as an occasion between husband and wife, very personal. We get anniversary cards from his parents (and yes aunt and uncle too) and I think it is really odd. I can't help it, that is just the experiences from my upbringing. Saffron, you may be right about the personal contribution. Not wanting to gripe about them again, but a recent example of how this family works was my husband's brother's wedding. Obviously we all went and I would not have expected not to. He was best man, so I was left pretty much on my own the entire day with a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I had suggested early on that perhaps it would be better all round if the littlest one stayed with my sister, but that did not go down well at all. I was assured by parents in law, in no uncertain terms, that they would be around to help loads during the day. Well of course I didn't see either of them for dust, oh except for the 10 minutes my father in law gave me to get dressed for the wedding, during which he let my baby fall off the bed. Oh, and it was also my birthday. So yes, I think I may be smarting a little from that whole experience!

Because we are now into extended family! What does his aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary have to do with him? Also for all of the other reasons discussed above (travel, and taking two little ones to something that starts at 7pm)!

Thanks for all the responses. I have gleaned that such celebrations are usual, a big deal, and a present is required, but asking for something probably is a little cheeky. I have resigned myself to going, and buying the tickets so that is that. Snow is forecast Sunday though, so we might yet have an escape plan! Hilariously, an invitation arrived today to husband's aunt and uncles's 25th wedding anniversary, also in Bedford, but in the evening. No way are we going to that!

Really? I find the notion that 'I can ask X for an expensive present because they can afford it" particularly distasteful. If I was asked what I would like for a birthday present, my answer would not depend on the income of the person posing the question. Equally, I would only ever offer suggestions which were small items. I guess it comes back to different families' ways of doing things though and expectations. I am a lawyer as it happens, but not fee-earning.

Scruffy Mummy - that is good advice. I have seriously considered not going, not least because my daughter is being christened in 2 weeks and I have a million and one things to organise that a day without children would really help achieve. Not sure I have the bottle though! Catgirl, Center Parcs was more by way of example of the financial outlay expectation. At the time I had no children, so it was 6 adults and a 6 month old baby so actually quite an odd choice, but as I say, the venue was not really the issue. Making a weekend of it around the ruby anniversary lunch is a good idea. Pug wash - thanks for the tips. I will pass on to my husband, as I think the War Horse tickets are a done deal now unfortunately.

God Pickle, that's horrendous! My father in law's 60th (0r 65th can't remember) was a family trip to.....Center Parcs. At our expense, and we all paid for him as well as it was his birthday. Now I have nothing against Center Parcs per se, but spending a weekend of my life holed up with them in a cabin pretending we were having fun was dreadful. I felt even more sorry for my sister in law who had a 6 month old baby, and was expected to bring the baby along to dinner every evening outside the chalet, at about 9pm. How convenient.....

Intexasatthemoment - if only that were the case. The request was made direct to my husband unfortunately,

womanofdulwich - very good thinking Belle, thanks for the comments - glad i am not alone! The sleeping thing is strewing me out as my daughter is horrendous in the car. She is on the cusp of growing out of her group 1 rear facing car seat, and hates it. In an ideal world she would sleep all the way there, be gorgeous for the entire lunch and sleep all the way back. The reality is, from bitter past experience, she will scream most of the way there, be beside herself with tiredness the entire lunch and be horrid, crash out for part of the journey back, but wake up for another screamfest just as we hit Lnmdon. Oh joy.

I have bitten my tongue until it is red raw! I think the underlying problem with this is the cumulative effect of all the expectations over the years. We see them at least three times as often as we see my parents, but that is not enough. We go for the weekend, staying over Sat night, but that is not enough, there is always some mutterings about how it would have been nice if we came on the Friday night etc. However long we go to them for Christmas, there are always several conversations before hand, both to my husband and me, trying to extend it. I know they love seeing their grandchildren, but it is very wearing. Anyway, moan over. They are lovely people, just a bit irritating, I guess I could have got a lot worse! That is very funny about your parents 50th wedding though, your poor husband, I can imagine my reaction would have been similar!