Pugwash

My daughter moved to Durrington which is down the road to East Preston. Good rail links to Croydon and Victoria. Plenty of supermarkets. May need a car as depending on which part of the area moving to. Loves living down in Sussex and would not return to London. Nearest large towns - Worthing and Bognor.

In all fairness to the police, since their base has moved from Dulwich to Camberwell, they are not immediately noticeable in the area. However with the reduction in officers the police cannot be everywhere at once. We have 2 very good community officers (both female) who try to do their best. When PC Adrian Crust retired, his knowledge of the local community went with him. Having known Adrian for many years, initially meeting him as part of a mental health project, he was someone with very much an ear to the ground and was aware of the various 'dubious' elements in the community. Unless there is more investment in local police and numbers of community based officers are increased- many crimes will go unsolved.

This appears to be a child safeguarding situation - she is afraid of her father (why what will he do?) she is being neglected health wise and emotionally abused. You do not state her age and who has parental responsibility, is there a residence order in place issued by courts. Obviously you do not state the reason why your child is living with her father. Have the school noticed that her health is suffering and has she confided in them about being afraid of her father? Both yourself and the school can report to social services in the area that she is living. They have a duty to investigate, also you mention the courts - they need to be aware of the situation and if no agreement can be made - could make her a ward of court.

Cats are very territorial creatures and it is doubtful as to whether they would settle into a new environment in 2 weeks. Danger would be that if let out in the garden would try and make their way home. We have 3 cats and the occasional mouse -

If the 4.5 year old is in school - I would recommend Gumboots Holiday Scheme - they are based at the East Dulwich Community Centre, Darrell Road. SE22 for 4 weeks. There are a number of previous posts on EDF if you look under search.

I realise that the island in the road is to reduce speeding and assist pedestrians, but as a car driver coming up from Peckham Rye, you need to approach this section very carefully, especially if you have had to overtake buses at the bus stop and noting cars turning right from the road opposite. Would it be better as a full zebra crossing or having a pelican crossing which is controlled by pedestrians?

We live 3 doors down from a pub with a garden - it can get noisy on good days with the kids yelling, but generally no bother. Occasional live bands especially at weekends.

Hubby was a cyclist so as a car driver I am very wary when driving of other cyclists. Coming up from LL to the Plough traffic lights, I indicated and was in the correct lane to turn left into Barry Road. Just as the lights changed a cyclist drove up on my nearside and proceeded to cut in front of me to go straight ahead. I spotted him at the last minute and slammed on the brakes. There are many good cyclists who are aware of what is going on around them, but unfortunately many are utter wallies. Hubby has been a cyclist since a teenager (now in his 60s) and remembers very clearly being taught you stay behind other vehicles and give them enough space to that if the indicate a turn you have time to stop. Also never go alongside a large vehicle as they cannot always see you in their mirrors.

A couple of friends of mine opted for private schools - the only drawbacks they felt was that private schools had longer holidays than state, school trips are more expensive, after school clubs added onto price. Cost of meals much higher. Both friends had daughters - one is now a lawyer. The other is very bright and goes to a Harris school

Why not rent a room/small flat on a short term basis in Brighton to save the daily commute and come home weekends? This will give you an opportunity to get a sense of Brighton. We were going to buy a property for youngest daughter whilst she was at Brighton University but in a space of 3 months, property prices for a one bed flat rose from ?75 K to ?100 k. With a very large student population (2 Universities and a language school) rented property is hard to find. We ended up in purchasing a 3 bed house in Goring for ?125K. Prices are very much higher now and daughter's partner commutes from Goring to Brighton by car on a daily basis. I do not like Brighton and prefer Worthing. I suppose it all depends which part of Brighton your new job is in as to most appropriate area to live. Parking is a nightmare in Brighton but daughter's partner works for a company who provides a company car and parking space for him.

Re my previous post re staggered holidays. It would be easy to sort out regions i.e. London and South East , South England, etc

The answer I give to parents worried about giving their kids the latest gadget/trainers etc is that you give your children what they need not what they want. Eldest daughter as a teenager always wanted the latest fashion - when asked who made that item fashionable, replied 'them'. Following some discussion in which we talked about sheep and shepherds, she came to the decision that she would not be a 'follower' (sheep) but be a 'leader' and developed her own fashion style. Her friends and their parents thought her 'weird in a nice way' as she was into cheesecloth and ethnic designs in the early 80s. Later in the 80s cheesecloth and ethnic design was all the range. While it is understandable that children want to be like their friends and have the latest technology, if these are beyond a parents financial means - this should be explained to the kids. Or if an expensive item for Christmas or birthday - let all friends/relatives club together to purchase it.

My mother was a single parent as my Dad had walked out on her when I was 2 years old. She applied for National Assistance as it was then, but was refused as she was a healthy woman in her late 20s and was told to get a job. However in those days child care was more affordable (50% roughly of earnings) and I went to a state nursery (Dog Kennel Hill)whilst Mum did office and shop work. Money was limited and finding food for the week was problematic - yet my favourite meal of the week was mashed potatoes, with chopped up tomatoes, sometimes some grated cheese, other times some chopped up spam. This was end of the week dinner and would have cost around 50/75p in todays money for 2 of us. Thursdays was the only day we had cake as my Nan used to come for tea and brought us cake. I grew up knowing the value of money and how to be thrifty. This stood me in great stead when a former partner left me with a 3 year old, a mortgage and all the bills to pay. After paying the bills - I had roughly ?10 per month for food and fares to work. We survived like this for 4 years. 40 plus years later I find it difficult to freely spend money without arguing with myself as do I need this item, if it is food how many days will it last, how many people do I need to feed this week. Living in poverty at an early age can make you either scrimp and save, acknowledging the value of money or it can make you spend every penny and let others support you via benefits. My youngest daughter works part time term time and has a 3 year old and 1 year old. Although her partner works, she has chosen to work and pays 90% of her wages in child care fees. Whilst working out that they may be better off in claiming child credit/working tax credits (cannot remember which one) she feels that she does not want to be dependent on the state and is emotionally better off working. In contrast, another relative is on benefits and has a 7 year old at home. She did work part time as a nursery assistant for a few months but then went off sick with 'depression'. She is always asking for money as finds it difficult to manage on benefits but when her eldest son (22 and working and living on his own) pointed out that if she stopped smoking (roughly ?14 per week, stopped drinking lager (roughly ?10) she would have a better lifestyle. There will always be some people who can manage on benefits (just scraping through) and others who do not have a clue re budgeting.

Where my daughter works in a college , she asked for a day to attend a funeral of her partner's father, but was refused on the grounds that she only worked part time and term time and was not entitled to a day off. If she went sick she would have been sacked. My other daughter informed her son's primary school that he was 'sick' so that he could attend his great grandfather's funeral in Sussex as the head was very strict allowing time off even for a family funeral. The Head also had refused some parents to withdraw their child a couple of days before term ceased as their holiday travel plans had changed. I think along as a child has achieved consistent attendance (95%) parents should be allowed to take a child out of school for 5 days or less for a holiday - especially if it coincides with the last week of term. When I studied in Holland, the country was divided into 3 regions, each with different start and end days of school holidays. I was informed that if all the schools closed at the same time, it would cause chaos as too many people moving around the country. A few years ago my friend's secondary school in Bromley did an experimental scheme of having 2 weeks at Whitsun (May half term) and 2 weeks in October (Autumn Half term) with a much shorter Easter and Summer break. Both teachers and parents loved it - parents as they were able to go on holiday at cheaper rates, also split up the need to get weeks of child care. Teacher's loved it as broke the school year up and also assisted with their own family holidays. For some reason, despite the success, Bromley decided that they would not continue with the scheme. Proposals were made several years ago that the academic year should be split into 4 terms and that GCSEs and A levels be sat in April/May with the results coming out late July/Early August which would give more time for those going onto FE. This I believe would also help parents avoid the expensive holidays costs.

Every now and then, they have a clear out and give items to be recycled, so this may have happened. There was a recent inspection by HQ H & S so they may have noted the build up of bags. A new manager was appointed a few weeks ago with the original manager being sent to another shop miles away. I heard that she was more approachable than the old one. They have a large number of volunteers but recently it has been noted that at times they are very short staffed. Many of the 'volunteers' are doing work experience or on community service so there is a fluctuation in staffing levels. They do collect and deliver items of furniture for a small fee - I purchased some very nice wooden dining chairs there a couple of years ago for ?5 each. Also an Arsenal bean bag and bed linen for a football mad grandson

I believe staff have suggested a note on the door but have been told by 'management' that this cannot be done. The small shop does not get as many donations left there as people tend to go to the large shop.

Thanks for the posting. It is good to get a positive response.

My husband is a volunteer at the Hospice Shop - the amount of donations can be overwhelming and all bags have to be carefully sorted as some people bring in broken/dirty/torn items in black bags and just dump them at the counter. Staff have fallen over the bags and injured themselves, and there is also the question of health and safety to both the public and staff/volunteers - should a fire break out it would quickly spread . When we cleared out my mother's flat, the Sydenham branch told us they could not accept anymore stuff as they were overwhelmed - we ended up spreading the load by visiting 6 other charity shops.

Hopefully the child's parents have made an official 'complaint' in writing to both the head and chair of governors. The pen knife carrying child may be imitating something he/she has seen in their own environment or on TV etc and does not understand the seriousness of their actions. It may well be an older child 10 plus - and if this case would be aware of the situation as if I recall 10 years of age means that they are deemed to know legally right from wrong. It is essential that your nephew is not put into a situation where he is afraid to go to school as this could have long lasting consequences. Parents should try and get an appointment with the head if not during the holidays (many heads work during this time to catch up on paperwork) at least within the first couple of days of the new term. I would also talk to your neighbourhood police team if there is no police liaison officer attached to school, for advice.

Yes I remember that row, Charter kids could walk the short cuts via Greendale to get to the Denmark Hill estate but this was not considered as a safe walking route by Charter. I know of a family who sold their house just off Barry Road, to rent a property near Charter to get their daughter into the school. Both parents had good jobs and were able to afford the rental costs for around a year and kept the house sale money intact to use to purchase another house in different area after the daughter had started at Charter. Never heard whether daughter got into Charter and where they ended up moving to.

I am aware of the 'all inclusive' retirement accommodation McCarthy and Stone are one of the providers of these properties. You can use their care services but as these are private carers/agency the cost is quite high and could amount to a couple of hundred pounds a week. Assuming that the charge is around ?15 per hour and that you need 4 hours care/shopping/domestic/cooking etc per day (?60). Southwark owned Extra Sheltered Housing has on site carers which are paid for and costs are based on user's income and savings. Hyde Housing Extra SHU's also operate on same principle. If Dulwich Mead has their own in house care agency it is understandable that they would not want social services input unless the person requiring care is on limited weekly income. A few years ago, residents in a leasehold block of flats wanted to have the lease of one of their residents, terminated as she had set fire to her flat by falling asleep whilst smoking and under the influence of drink. They asked social services/psychiatric services to deem that this lady to lack capacity and to section her. The lady was deemed to have full capacity and there were no grounds for her to be sectioned. I often wondered what happened with the leaseholders application to the freeholder re this. I talked to a lawyer friend about this time re this case and he advised that it would have to be an extreme case for a leaseholder's lease to be evoked. So I assume that in the case of Hanover - they could not evict.

Thanks - will pass this info onto relative - she does not have a computer. Did hear from an old work colleague who had some past dealings with a lady in the Unit (who I believe has since died) that social services had arranged for their carers to go into this lady, but the warden/manager refused them entry and told the resident that she had to arrange private carers and had to go through her. I gather social services made a formal complaint to Hanover re the interference and attitude of the warden. As stated this was around 3 years ago.

Relative viewed a property there some years ago but did not have all her questions answered by the then warden/manager, whom she felt was rather evasive. Hanover Housing failed also to answer her questions and subsequently became difficult to contact as they did not return her phone calls. Bearing in mind that things do change over a period of time, and my relative getting older, she is considering retirement properties again and would like to remain in the Dulwich/Herne Hill area. IF information she has is correct, the same warden/manager is still in post.

I am posting this on behalf of an elderly relative in relation to Dulwich Mead Sheltered Housing. Hanover Housing own the freehold and appear to be going down the leaseholders route rather than their former private rented route (some years previously). Relative has been given contradictory information - that all leaseholders/residents have to be 'independent' and should they require carers in the future, this could invalidate their leasehold status. Contradiction appears to be that many residents at Dulwich Mead have carers either via Southwark Social Services or private carers arranged by the warden/manager. That should the resident have mobility problems and cannot get to the intercom to let in carers, key safes are not permitted nor are carers, (or even relatives) are not allowed keys. Hanover Housing do not appear to want to confirm or deny this information and are very difficult to contact. Whilst my relative is physically and mentally able and does not need care, she is aware that sometime in the future her needs may change physically, or she may develop dementia - and will require carers to enable her to live a reasonably 'independent life' and to remain in her own home. There is also the role of the warden/manager - who appears to be available weekdays only and is not on site. Again conflicting reports as to the duties of this person, and whether they extend to purchasing private care packages. There does not appear to be a property available to purchase at the moment, so before showing an interest in purchasing and going on a waiting list, my relative wants to be assured that this unit is suitable for her current and future needs. She has visited in the past this building and likes the layout etc. If she purchases a one bedroom flat, she understands that there is a guest room available for short stay visitors, (for a fee per night). She has received both good and bad reports of this unit and does not know how accurately these reports are bearing in mind people have different expectations of what a sheltered housing unit can provide. Also has anyone any concerns about the fabric and maintenance of the flats/building.

Not every one has email or on line accounts. What about parcels?