*Bob*

Mick Mac Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Left eye? Surely? Umm.. Your right, not my right.

We're swingers, daizie. Right Eye:

Next.. my chin

I think it's only fair that I upload a real picture of myself. Bit by bit though. Here's my ear.

Rosie, Ask you so-called 'friend' to provide you with the names of ten songs about England. Then, while she's writing them down, get the restaurant manager's brother's window cleaner's son's best friend to secretly slip three marked ten pound notes into the hood of her coat - and then call the fuzz and have her searched. Play her at her own game.

Surely it wouldn't make more sense for The Queen to write a nice handwritten letter instead of the PM? It's not like she's got anything better to do.

I'd say if he's bringing Mockney he ought to ask him to lay-off the Wilkinson Sword for a week. Clean-shaven, the worst he looks like he could do is sneakily change your keyboard shortcuts.

Huge.. what I want to know is - would you have brought Mockney? Or not?

Well that depends, Skids. When you arrive late at the pub and look over at the table you'll be joining, how many tightarsed friends are sitting there?

Play her at her own game. Go down and speak to the restaurant manager and explain everything. Then get the restaurant manager to ask his brother to telephone your 'friend' (using a disguised voice) and explain that the bill was overpaid by ?30 and that someone who perhaps didn't attend but paid might be due a refund. Then, date the restaurant manager's brother until he agrees to marry you. Ask your so-called friend to be your matron of honour. When you walk up the aisle in the groom turns around and reveals himself to be the restaurant manager's brother, you can then turn to your friend and scream 'now give me my thirty pieces of silver, Judas'. Believe you me, there'll be egg on her face for sure.

Don't forget to add this incident to the (no doubt) countless list of other incidents, let it stew quietly at the back of your mind until stewing turns into fuming, then into seething, until - finally - you snap and end-up taking a baseball bat to her car windscreen over a disputed debt of ten pence.

Everybody's has to deal with a tightarsed friend or two at some point. I had a friend who used to pretend to tie her shoelaces on the way into a pub (or be 'taking a call' or whatever) so as not to arrive first at the bar and therefore have to buy a round. It went on for years. It was part of her charm too, and (personally) I decided not to make a big deal about it, but after many years had passed, another more confrontational friend in the group (possibly with less money to spunk needlessly on tightarsed friends) 'popped' after one particular incident and the massive barney and fallout that followed means she doesn't really see anyone in our group of friends any more. Who knows if her request is valid or not? Either way it's still a tightarsed thing to do. The question is, do you want to be The One to instigate 'The Barney'?

It's not your fault that Quids is a pompous ass - so I don't see the need for an apology. Good on you, though.. I have a high regard for your otherwise thoughtful and educated postings (despite not really understanding any of them).

Oh Keef... how are the mighty fallen

There's no need to blow Murdoch off every month. Get one of these for ?160.. you'll never look back.

Another victory for television there last night. Simon is certainly making hay while the sun shines with Leona. This is surely the programme that makes stars. As to whether she can go the distance and join fellow winners Steve Brookstein, Shayne Ward and Leon Jackson in the hall of fame.. well, only time will tell. Ollie was 'the man', yet again. He could go a long way, if he changes his hair. Currently it looks like he's been suspended by his ankles and had the top of his head skimmed across a large pot of Flora.

Whether or not Tony is a paid-up White Pointy Hatter or One Man United Nations is neither here nor there, on this occasion - although no doubt turning the discussion this way would suit some. I'm hardly Tony's greatest defender (and have often wished for an 'off' switch on some of those rambling posts). But saying 'someone and their mates threatened to duff you up via PM' is a bloody long way from where we are now - which is 'nothing of the sort'. Can that be the end of it? It's embarrassing, to be honest.

Whether or not Tony is a paid-up White Pointy Hatter or One Man United Nations is neither here nor there, on this occasion - although no doubt turning the discussion this way would suit some. I'm hardly Tony's greatest defender (and have often wished for an 'off' switch on some of those rambling posts). But saying 'someone and their mates threatened to duff you up via PM' is a bloody long way from where we are now - which is 'nothing of the sort'. Can that be the end of it? It's embarrassing, to be honest.

Well there you have it. On this occasion.. 'sorry' certainly does seem to be the hardest word.

Well there you have it. On this occasion.. 'sorry' certainly does seem to be the hardest word.

It's not my fault that Hugenot lives halfway round the world. I'm sure he'll get back to us at a time convenient for the time zone he's in. Unfortunately, that won't be convenient for me because I'll probably be in bed. Or watching X-Factor or something, so there you have it.

It's not my fault that Hugenot lives halfway round the world. I'm sure he'll get back to us at a time convenient for the time zone he's in. Unfortunately, that won't be convenient for me because I'll probably be in bed. Or watching X-Factor or something, so there you have it.

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Lay off the chap. Just cos he hasn't answered to > your timetable, doesn't mean he won't. And I know > he doesn't need me to stand up for him, but this > is all coming across as petulant schoolboys. You could read the thread and make you own mind up?

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Lay off the chap. Just cos he hasn't answered to > your timetable, doesn't mean he won't. And I know > he doesn't need me to stand up for him, but this > is all coming across as petulant schoolboys. You could read the thread and make you own mind up?

Would you like a bandage for your foot? You shouldn't play with guns, you know.