*Bob*

Mick Mac Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > You will find a lot of pre wedding promises are > not kept Bob. You're not going to go all 'Trisha' on us, are you MM?

A couple we know got married. We flew several thousand miles to their wedding. They didn't want any gifts, because they were going to buy a VW camper van and spend a year touring in wedded bliss, probably running the car on love instead of petrol I suppose. So on the big day - there it is, smack bang next to the cake. A homemade scale model of VDub - with SLOT on top, and into this slot we pushed our filthy lucre until it could take no more, so bursting as it was with goodwill at the thought of such a romantic dream. Did they buy one? Did they bo1locks!

Should I ever get married, people will be seated according to the size of the gifts they have given. Those who have given less than the standard amount (tbc) will be forced to sit in a line on very low plastic chairs, facing the wall with fingers on lips whilst the more generous guests shout abuse and slap them round the back of the head.

I suppose you could just spend ?75. But you'll have to make amends in church. As the rings are exchanged, I suggest you run to the front of the church, throw yourself to your knees in front of the altar, and scream "Father, forgive me, for I have only given a gift worth a mere ?75 even though it was made perfectly clear to me that ?150 was standard for this family"

Since did a wedding gift become a personal tax based on your means to pay? No. You want to get married. You want everyone to turn-up and coo over you on your special day. Dry-clean their suits. polish their shoes. Take time off work sometimes. Sit on a train to some gorforsaken little church in the middle of nowhere just outside Oxford that you've never set foot-in in your whole life, but want to get married there because it aaawww.. innit prettiiiie? Arrange babysitters, accommodation. And on top of all that, you want cash. No less than ?150, please. Oh - or a Dualit 4-slice toaster in Cream. Piss off!

?50 tops It's not your fault they want to get married.

You must be mad, rgutsell. What do you think you're doing, running around a locl park after sunset? You should be at home, shivering with fear, waiting for burglars to arrive.

Portobello Market, anytime after 11am Clapham Common, anytime after 11pm

Shops sometimes need to over-inflate their prices in order to make-up for all the people who come in, spend half an hour trying things out and seeking advice - say they'll think about it and then go home and buy it cheaper on the internet.

I believe such a 'bulletproof' paper does exist, Vince. However, the extra strength has a downside in terms of comfort - as anyone who attended primary school in England 25 years or so ago will testify.

Decathlon looks to be the place.. seems you can 'trial' rackets there too, which is good. I thank you.

Dear SPORT-FANS Anyone know of anywhere to go and peruse various types of sports rackets? Somewhere with a decent selection.. ie not like the abysmal place on the Old Kent Road next to Argos. Local is good, although I am passing through London Bridge tomorrow if there's sports-tastic place around that way. ta

5imon Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > question: > not having been to an EDF drinks night before (and > unable to make the 4th's) who out of the regular > forumoids is most disappointingly removed from how > their personas come across online? An interesting question. Well I've seen a few pictures from previous 'meets'. Brendan looks like an upmarket Australian. Mockney looks like the runner-up in a Greek high-jumping competition. And Sean Mac looks like a big white owl.

I know, I know.. I'm a lucky man.

That's right.. on our first date. Right there and then - I knew she was the one for me.

Good old Mrs *Bob* - she's a trooper.

'Hovering' is an essential skill for women, lest they get caught short without proper facilities.

'Pale trousers'. The Colonial Look.

Photobox do decent prints, have basic but useful online editing facilities - and you can personalise calendars with your own pics. We've had a few made and they're pretty good - cost less than ?20 - though they usually have offers on around now so might be cheaper if you're lucky.

Heaven help us!

And probably be required to fit one of those toilets with an 'inspection ledge'.

DirtyBox Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I have a male friend who sits down for a slash, > weirdo I know a few 'sitters'. I suspect it's a European thing. Indeed, if we don't fight for our rights and vote UKIP, by the year 2014 all men in Britain will be forced (by way of an directive) to piss whilst sitting down.

vinceayre Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Sweet Jesus, is nothing sacred any more? Vince, As a baker, I'm sure you appreciate the importance of cleanliness. So which toilet roll do you think offers the best protection against your finger 'going through'?

It is my firmly-held belief that changes in the way their sh1t roll is manufactured - down to recycling etc, I suspect - means that strength has been compromised.

fearnpw1 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- Furthermore, he has gone out of > his way to make me feel safe when I felt > threatened on a couple of occasions. In a curtain shop?