*Bob*

I think it's got to be Worrall-T. There's a mean streak running through him. And he looks a bit like a ginger chimp - in a bad way, I mean.

Which of these 'celebrity' chefs would you least like to be trapped in a lift with? Please state your reasons why. Rhodes Oliver Ramsay Worrall-T Harriott

Please, people. This thread is about Keith Floyd, who's dead. Show some respect.

Me too (ker-CHING!)

Ladygooner Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- Lets hope he is at peace now. It doesn't get any more peaceful than 'dead'.

Yes, let's have a 'guess who's dead' thread. We can stack-up all the corpses of people we've never met in there and lament over them 'as one'. Amen.

Next week: an insightful critique of restaurant snobbery, set to put the British class system to the test: Chicken Cottage Vs KFC

eater81 Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- Idiots who > deliberately spend more money to buy the same > goods from Somerfield rather than Iceland because > it makes them feel better about themsleves. Oh yes.. those aspiring 'Somerfield Snobs'. They're definitely the worst.

One thought: When the people in the standing area - all decked-out in their union jack waiscoats - all start bobbing up and down with their hands behind their backs in time with the music, would it be possible to install a giant machine in the Albert Hall which could simultaneously kick them all up the arse as hard as possible? I think it coulod really add something to the occasion.

Great stuff! The 'Proms Inspire Young Composers' fanfare had me in stitches. Did someone actually write that down, or did they just sneeze on the score? Well done BBC. Jerusalem's a wicked tune but Land of Hope and Glory is strictly for the retarded.

Sepia 1970s fittings and flickering fluorescent tubes. The snaking queue of angry people with something better to be doing. The out of order photo booth. Every V except a V85. Speak into the microphone to the face behind the bulletproof glass. Till.. number.. four.. please.. Why does something so essential have to be so universally dismal?

???? Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Dear Bob, > Will voting Labour or Conservative really give me > aids? Unfortunately the answer is yes. However, voting Labour will only result in a light touch of aids. If you vote conservative, you're a gonner for sure.

???? Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Dear *Bob*, > > I had a beard but frankly I looked a tw*t so > shaved it off. But I miss it. Help Dear ????, Put your hands on your hips and put your shoulders back (as if you were trying to impersonate a chicken during a game of charades). Then, with your neck fully extended (like E.T.) close your eyes, stick your chin out and PUSH. New hair should soon begin to emerge and within a week or so you'll be able to frighten small children again.

bigbadwolf Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Dear *Bob*. > > I'm afflicted with the inability to start threads > and have come up against brick wall cncerning this > unfair impediment. > > Any suggestions? Nope.

askbob Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Is it wrong to derive sexual pleasure from > defecation and yet not be a member of the Liberal > Democrat Parliamentary Party? Dear Woo.. er, Anonymous, To answer your question, You don't have to be a Liberal Democrat to pays girls to defecate in their underwear for you, and then puts said panties in your briefcase and takes them home, but it helps.

Mick Mac Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Bob - I know someone who is always funnier than > me. His name is Ted. What can I do to bridge the > humour gap? Dear Mick, I suggest you join the Nunhead Forum Better to be a big fish in a small pond..

Secretly hate your neighbours? Embarrassing affliction? Thinking of leaving your husband? Can't get it up? A problem shared is a problem halved. So for an straight-talkin' and all-round common-sense opinion: ask *Bob* Correspondents may login under the following username and password, and thus PM their questions to *Bob* with complete anonymity. username: askbob password: pleasehelp

Doesn't everybody get off on having a crap? BE HONEST

Take no notice of Tony. He should never have asked for that in-ear bluetooth phone receiver for Christmas.

It should be in the Pets & Children section. Down the corridor, past Road Traffic Accidents, keep going until you hit Catflap Saga Room, first on your left. Can't miss it.

The more likely outcome, should another incident like the Peckham Fire occur, would be that six well-informed people in The Boring Room would solemnly contribute to an in-depth treatise on the intricacies of fire and building regulations in the latter half of the 20th century, whilst everyone else argued about whether it should be in the 'general issues' section or not. Perhaps it's time to finally let go of the 'General Issues / East Dulwich specific' bugbear and instead consider 'general issues' to also include issues that are generally of interest to East Dulwich, even if outside of the postcode. So, eg - ..Major incident close enough to home which everyone probably has an opinion on = in. ..Nunhead = out.

Dog porn. Whatever next.

Get a room

*rubs hand with glee* Hmmm.. on second thoughts, best not.

With the exception of a limited number of more serious-minded posters (and the exception of a few threads which are on particularly serious subjects), what often keeps the rest coming back for more is the potential for spat, debacle, flaming rows, fiasco and egg on faces. That's why The Open University will only ever have a limited audience share.