*Bob*

Feel happy in the ultimate knowledge that he probably doesn't have many friends.

Yeah, someone who goes to such great lengths to preserve a parking space is probably the kind of neighbour you don't want to turn into an active enemy - with a lifelong grudge.

How are you fixed for plates at the moment, Maurice?

My Dad grew-up in a council house and couldn't wait to get out of it. Why some people would want spend a decade or two aspiring to get into one is a mystery. Council housing should be should be a safety net, not as a cushion to put your feet up on.

Boo-hoo.. where's my council house? I have paid-in! It's my right.. I've been on the waiting list FOREVER waiting for a handout, and then some git from Somalia who's family has been murdered (a lawyer or something useful, possibly) just pitches-up and gets MY handout.. oh WOE IS ME

Forgive me, Bellenden Fans. I'm sure most of the shops there keep regular business hours. Just not the ones we happened to go to, which were shut.

I think we should ship-in any foreigners who are willing to get off their fat, lazy arses and do some work in order to better their lives - and give them a nice council house to get them started as an incentive. This would allow us to export homegrown feckless Brits who are unwilling to get off their fat, lazy arses, do some work and make something of themselves instead of sitting around demanding their right to council house (for life) and believing made-up drivel that just popped through the letterbox in a BNP leaflet simply because it suits them.

What was on the menu?

If it's like the other shops in Bellenden (ahem) Village that I made the effort to go to, it's probably open and closed on a whim.

Can't we just start asking for some of our plates back? I'd like mine washed as well before you return it, please Tony. I know where it's been.

It's that bag.. I mean really.. someone's having a laugh.

Still looks like a nob though.

I wasn't particularly bothered either way on Federer.. but I completely went off him altogether after seeing him walk out on centre court dressed, to be frank, like a complete penis. I wanted Roddick to win from then on - even though he has eyes like George W Bush.

Gotta hand it to The Feds for his walk-on outfit. If Michael Jackson had ever gone to G-A-Y, that's what he would have worn.

Fair play to the hook-nosed, one-legged, slack-jawed, left-handed, shop-soiled, ex-convict Scotch egg, but it was not to be. Tim will be back - next year.

Mrs *Bob* says he's going to be an 'early balder'. Any thoughts?

RE G&B: I can't remember a time when they didn't have price labels..? No-one sidles up to you to puts the hard word on you if you're perusing, so there's no need to feel like you're under any pressure. If you ask for help then that's different, of course, but just say how much you want to spend.. there's no reason to feel bad about not wanting to spunk less than a tenner. They're not going to get evil looks! I like G&B for the occasional bottle but the choice is limited around a certain price range (ie the low-end), which means a lot of it is more than I want to spend for day to day (literally) boozing. For that reason, my favourite offy is Virgin Wines. A 'Discovery Club First Class' case comes in to around ?8/bottle, good quality stuff with very rarely any duffers (money back if you don't like anyway) and - a big plus for me - always something different.

I wouldn't rule anything out. However, I'm beginning to suspect that our cat, and possibly all cats, might actually just be intrinsically evil. Satan with fur.

Brendan Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > If you wanted all the hassle with noise and > hunting animals why didn?t you just have a son? I > believe you get tax credits for them. We've got one of those already, Brendan - and it's paying-off nicely, which is great. We're nearly at the top of the council house list too, so soon we can retire and live off benefits. The kid hunts the cat, to be fair, so it's not lke Puss has it all her own way.

Is Camberwell ready for wi-fi access, flocked wallpaper and 3-dimensional polygonic pendant lampshades?

Where is 'the wildlife garden'? --------------- The *Bob* That Bleated

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Bastard cats. I spent half an hour this morning > coaxing a frog in the kitchen onto a sheet of > plastic while holding a bowl over it - I was too > squeamish to pick it up. What you do with frogs in your own free time is up to you.. but I can't see what this has to do with cats?

That would certainly go well with my Nazi memorabilia.

The other down-side with a bell is that, being a notoriously light sleeper, I'll get continually awoken by jingling. I mean, I like birds and all that, but given the choice between a world with birds but no sleep, or no birds and sleep, the birds can shove it up their beaks.

The one with the 'problem hair'.