*Bob*

I voted for a giant pile of rotting dung, topped with hundred and thousands - and a cocktail umbrella. Who's with me?

Every time I see Paddick I keep hearing cdonline's wise words.. "..rather cute in a sort of ex-copper way and none other the candidates would be seen with their tops off in a nightclub"

Don't spoil my fun, Citizen. Still to come: gingernuts, tall people, the Welsh, girls with no chin, anyone with a limp, Sikhs, cat lovers...

A black woman shouted abuse about at me from her car the other day. Black women - you need to relax.

I do feel terribly sorry for that Standard reporter who suddenly remembered he was Jewish (when it suited him).

A Chinese man had a go at me yesterday when I asked him if he'd mind moving-up on a bus seat a little. Chinese men - you need to relax.

WELL you'll never believe what happened to ME!! I was in a shop the other day and a bald man trod on my foot. It didn't seem important enough to make an issue of it at the time, but I got a bit irritated (mostly with myself) on the bus home and felt hard done-by.., so i thought that if I posted a detailed complaint right here there then would be a chance that said bald man might read it and feel suitably admonished. Ooh.. I forgot my cover story: "Bald men - you need to relax"

seanmlow Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I just hate us getting some much stick when we are > just trying to do our jobs! What was it Ken said to that Standard journalist again..?

It's a good thing that Estate Agents cars are branded - We know where they are and we can keep an eye on them. Perhaps we could roll-out a similar scheme for burglars etc?

Keef Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > What *bob* said. Bloody horrible situation to be > in, makes you seriously paranoid too! It's easy enough to agree you can manage it.. it's just short-term.. but suddenly one month becomes two. Then four. You keep on 'managing' it. I think it's only after you finally stop living together that you actually realise just how totally rubbish the experience was, and you wish you'd parted right from the off, even it it did mean sleeping on a sofa somewhere else.

Find-out the legal postition and (if moving doesn't mean anything), get out of there. Pronto. Not had to deal with a divorce me'sen but have had the pleasure of a major flat-splitting hoo-haa break-up, and all I can say is that I'm in the BB camp when it comes to two people trying to live in the same place whilst you're trying to sort things out. Unless it's amicable. But less face it.. it hardly ever is.

I heard that the whole of 'Bellenden Village' (ahem) is subsiding as a result of the weight of public funds poured into it over the years. It's a race to sell-up before the whole lot goes down, silly lamp-posts and all.

The difference is that (unlike French & Saunders) Eddie Iz doesn't have the privilege of a BBC Carte Blanche Comedy Royalty Golden Ticket Arrangement - which allows them the luxury of year after guaranteed year of painfully unfunny, hopelessly outdated recommission after recommission. Ballast of the worst kind. GET RID.

Rowanofski Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > What ever happened to all the furore about people > boycotting the chaintastic evil Nero?! There were only about twelve of them. So their boycott went largely unnoticed.

I think it goes up the dog owners arse, doesn't it?

Diana Fayed

I'm trying to decide which is the biggest surprise: the Nero decision, or the Diana inquest verdict.

It's good to have a comfortable car (when you're waiting on the hard shoulder for the AA to arrive)

Has everyone here gone stark staring mad? Here are the manufacturers of the top ten most reliable cars. Can anyone see a pattern or trend here? Honda Subaru Mazda Mitsubishi Toyota Honda Nissan Honda Toyota Nissan

From a previous apprenticeship with folkie girlfriend, it boils down to real ale, clogs, ornamental swords, bad-mouthing, sniping, infidelity and more clogs. And beards.

I got a k8650i in the end. Criticisms about the phone are definitely valid (small buttons not great for mega-texters, weird touch-sensitive buttons may annoy some) but whether this is a big issue or not comes down to how much you use it, what you use it for and how much extra you're prepared to spend to get something else. I make some calls, send some texts and take a fair few snaps - not much else.. and after the perennial 'I'm thinking of leaving' routine, Orange gave me a k850i for free, reduced my bill to ?15/month and gave me 500 mins and 500 texts so that was good enough for me. I binned the N95 on the grounds of poor battery life, the delay in picture-taking and buggy software. And because it did a hundred things I don't want anyway.

Registration is re-opening...

Do you need any more low-quality music for the show? It's my speciality.

Yeah.. two acts announced, only several hundred left to go.

Alan Dale Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > We have a bugaboo. You're dumped, Alan.