HonaloochieB

gwod Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I went to school with a girl called Ophelia > Balls....really Ophelia, what was wrong with her parents? They must have been snootical as all hell. I assume her folks thought she would exist in a rarified world of creatives, bankers, artists or possibly in a PG Wodehouse novel. Didn't they have domestics to advise them? If in doubt consult the help. Sharon Balls says soap star, Tracy Balls a girl group 'diva' and Natalie Balls could be a new British artist. Always opt for a common first name if you have a risible surname.

Muley Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > > > "Yes sir. Sorry sir. But sir, Louisa started it > sir, by being 'orrible to everyone, sir. Is it > true she's Satan's little helper, sir? Sorry sir, > I meant Santa, sir. > > Sir, sir, will you be dressing up as Santa again > this year, sir?" Just try and stop me. Throughout the year I have selflessly and at great personal expense invested a large amount of money in local pubs in order to cultivate a face as rubicund as the breast of our old friend the robin. And of course my figure is such that I have no need of padding in order to convince any room that Santa Claus has indeed come to town. Just beard, suit and boots, and I be good to go, motherfucker.

PeckhamRose Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I was also invited to take part but my cat is > under stress at the moment because of the new > carpet being laid in the hall, and the Feliway > diffuser designed to give out happy cat pheromones > is playing havoc with my lungs, so I also had to > decline.* Had I taken part I would have donned > my Nigella Lawson short cardi and wide belt, my > black Dominatrix wig like Ness in Gavin and > Stacey, and made a cheesy fish bake from the Dairy > Diary c.1990. For starters, some fruit and for > afters, some chocolate. I wouldn't have won but I > might have then been offered to be in How To Look > Good Naked, crying at myself in the mirror wearing > me five year old knicker and bra set from Primark > whilst being oh so grateful for the humiliation > situation yet to come. I'm a masochistic > exhibitionist. If people don't laugh and love me, > I get off. > > All the above other than my cat and my lungs is a > lie. Damn, PR it sounds like one of the best shows yet. I've now got My Lungs Don't Lie to the tune of the Shakira song going through my head. Any thoughts concerning your cat I will of course keep to myself on the basis that I try to carry myself as a gentleman at all times.

Here's that Panama again, getting us all riled up about an effective deterrent to ensuring no one ever commits murder. 'Pon my Sam, I'll swing for him so I will. Actually I won't really, Pan so don't worry, even if you ever get to a political position where you might enact legislation that would reintroduce capital punishment, it's hardly likely I'll ever be in the dock accused of yours or anyone else's murder. So, as you were. But overall, a rotten stinking idea. Murder is wrong, judicial murder is no better. Personal vengeance...now that's a different matter.

helena handbasket Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Doesn't everyone? > > Then again, I've yet to come across anyone in ED > with a truly intimidating posh accent. That dyed ash blonde woman with the ticking-stripe padded gilet, rugby shirt, Wrangler denims and Hunter wellingtons asking the minimum wage Saturday girl in Somerfield whether the eggs she was buying were absolutely guaranteed free-range in that nasal honk that is supposed to indicate confidence and signify intelligence but is really just the dreariest form of quackfart came close that time in July this year. But she's probably the shrillish exception. Most of the EDers are mildly wellish-spoken, politish people who overuse the word 'like'. Except of course for the tradespeople.

puzzled Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > louisa is the groundhog day guy in drag. a sour, > miserable creature who should just humbug off and > cheer us all up No she isn't. She's simply not. There, I've said it.

Wishing I Was Skinny - The Boo Radleys

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Bateman you say? > > http://i46.tinypic.com/2pph2x1.jpg Dr Chalmers couldn't help but think that it might get a little 'cartoonish' when he entered the dining room of the Atheneum wearing ballet pumps. OR Unbeknownst to the cat on the bed, portly rubicund tweeded-up dudes in the bar downstairs, were like popping their monocles, throwing their eyebrows way up their foreheads and shit and all over freaking the fuck out. Where was I?

#East is east and West is west, and the wrong one I have chose something something dum de dum, you're all mine in buttons and bows I love you in Springtime and dee dah dah day duuum But I'd love you longer, stronger where the guys don't tote a guuun# Thanks Bob Hope. Anyway, old matey-boy in the shop is perhaps MASSIVELY conflicted. He's running a Notions shop. HE is a purveyor of ribbons and bibbons and what's more he knows it, and it may be gnawing at his machismo. Selling fabrics may have dinged his amour propre to the extent he can barely walk upright. Well, you never know, it may've.

Domitianus Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HeidiHi Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I got a letter asking me to take part in Come > > Dine with me but had to decline as I have a new > > baby. > > A new baby??? In ED???? Surely not???? Have the > papers been notified??? I mean, sod Come Dine > With Me - this deserves a documentary all to > itself! Can I ghost write the biography? This is just the kind of quality sarcasm that if he were still alive, Groucho Marx would be hurling round the golf course towards Alice Cooper and Iggy Pop. "Take this", Julius might say. "Stop that 'Grouch' you're killin' us here" both Vince and Jim might reply. Well, they might.

Domitianus Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HeidiHi Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > I got a letter asking me to take part in Come > > Dine with me but had to decline as I have a new > > baby. > > A new baby??? In ED???? Surely not???? Have the > papers been notified??? I mean, sod Come Dine > With Me - this deserves a documentary all to > itself! Can I ghost write the biography? Well done, satire worthy of Richard Littlejohn, than which there is no higher pointing out.

pbateman Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > No- I am not an 'old friend'. Is it too difficult > to fathom that more than one person can stumble > across the forum and feel absolute repulsion for > the state of mankind... > > I have only recently been introduced to the forum, > and find the whole thing aboslutely baffling. It > reminds me of secondary school, except well, > no...there is no difference really... Oh hush Patrick, of course there are differences between the EDF and secondary school. On here, there is no English master throwing blackboard rubbers at you. No bully of a 'Makem' gym teacher to damage your ear drum with a spontaneous clout for I know not what. No woodwork teacher/drone who will lob a mallet at your head if you're apparently not paying attention. No formal corporal punishment, and even better the spontaneity of arbitrary physical discipline involving plimsoles, cricket bats, open hands and fists never happens. Though I've never attended an EDF drinks get together, so who knows. Latin is usually kept to a minimum. If there are any sexually predatory priests posting, they're keeping themselves to themselves. If people want to smoke, they don't have to congregate in the bogs. So you see, Patrick, no similarity to a secondary school whatsoever. But, are you CHEWING?

Forgot To Be A Lover - Billy Idol

Forgot To Be A Lover - Billy Idol

Muley Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Don't mind Louisa, she's just a troll. > > And an ogre. > > Probably a gnome too (but unlikely to be an elf). Now stop it Muley, Lolly is not a troll, she's a valued member of the EDF. Let me see, how can I put it? OK, if the EDF was the Father Ted comedy programme, then Father Ted could be Sean Mac, Father Dougal might be me, Mrs Doyle may possibly be Brendan (will you not have a Grand Union burger? Ah you will, go on, go on, go on), but Louisa would definitely be Father Jack, except without the chronic alcoholism and inarticulate ranting. Now if that doesn't make sense then I don't know what does.

Muley Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Don't mind Louisa, she's just a troll. > > And an ogre. > > Probably a gnome too (but unlikely to be an elf). Now stop it Muley, Lolly is not a troll, she's a valued member of the EDF. Let me see, how can I put it? OK, if the EDF was the Father Ted comedy programme, then Father Ted could be Sean Mac, Father Dougal might be me, Mrs Doyle may possibly be Brendan (will you not have a Grand Union burger? Ah you will, go on, go on, go on), but Louisa would definitely be Father Jack, except without the chronic alcoholism and inarticulate ranting. Now if that doesn't make sense then I don't know what does.

Long Long Long - The Beatles

Long Long Long - The Beatles

Brendan Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I'm off to Brixton for the day. It's too funny > around here for me. Brixton you say Brendan? If a chap wanted to break his journey in the SE5 area, where might he obtain sustenance of a ground beef patty/bun combination?

Brendan Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I'm off to Brixton for the day. It's too funny > around here for me. Brixton you say Brendan? If a chap wanted to break his journey in the SE5 area, where might he obtain sustenance of a ground beef patty/bun combination?

ruffers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HonaloochieB Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > MURB. MURB. > > deah ypeels ym revo tcartsba laerrus tpircs > hcnyl > > divad a ekil sdaer daerht siht tub ypeels dna > > derit gnieb em ylbaborp si ti > > Jeez, that was a lot of work. Suitably impressed. > Although I'm not sure if impressed is the right > word. .rebos ti od nac I desserpmi m'I .em tsuj s'taht tub,desserpmi si tsuj tom el knith I

ruffers Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > HonaloochieB Wrote: > -------------------------------------------------- > ----- > > MURB. MURB. > > deah ypeels ym revo tcartsba laerrus tpircs > hcnyl > > divad a ekil sdaer daerht siht tub ypeels dna > > derit gnieb em ylbaborp si ti > > Jeez, that was a lot of work. Suitably impressed. > Although I'm not sure if impressed is the right > word. .rebos ti od nac I desserpmi m'I .em tsuj s'taht tub,desserpmi si tsuj tom el knith I

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Good burgers of East Dulwich won't exist until we > get a Wimpey in Lordship Lane. Good thinking PGC, we could get Wimpey to construct a Wimpy bar for us. I like your thinking.

Peckhamgatecrasher Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Good burgers of East Dulwich won't exist until we > get a Wimpey in Lordship Lane. Good thinking PGC, we could get Wimpey to construct a Wimpy bar for us. I like your thinking.

pbateman Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I am looking to sell a sense of humour- please > contact me for more details. > > I highly recommend this product to anyone on the > forum with more than 50 posts... A second-hand sense of humour? Run it past Andrew Neil, he's worn his first one into the ground.