bon3yard

?150? Senor your a bandido...and I dont do no business with bandidos. At least not since they burned my chimichanga. Think on Sonny boy.

If I pretended to know what Menses is would that help?

Mothers Pride...not that what you said.

What good are obols when you have rubels?

Never fear, everyone will be in a state of post coital bliss...there will be no blood.

Roman coins have a tendency to go rancid under certain conditions, sorry Rosie.

Whats the matter, too rich for your tastes?

Apparently its Goodtime Friday up at East Dulwichs very own cathouse this friday, Purchase one dames services get another broad thrown in for good measure. Tell Coco on the door if you want to take full advantage of this generous offer.

You shaved a polar bear? My God, what for man?

Four herds of wild crumpet for sale, will not tarnish or cause forest fires. 200 pesos.

Some swine with lots of money to invest will get this idea up and running, I wish I had a trust fund and a public school education.

The roundabout was my first idea! I'm surprised nobodies thought of harnessing the power of gyms, even if this was just power that was put straight back into powering all aspects of the running of the gym. Healthy body, smug green credentials.

Darren Bent on nearly 100 grand a week???? I bet hes popular on the training ground.

Alan Sugar is at best half man half carpet, if the cockney wideboy quickens your pulse I'd really get to the doctors in a bit of a hurry.

Lets face it all the worlds power needs could be met by harnessing the near psychotic energy levels of your average rugrat, feed em up with turkey twizzlers and sunny D, strap em to an exercise bike(Itself attached to a turbine of some sort) and voila an untapped resource. No more rotund kiddies either. Those do-gooders from human rights watch might stick their oar in though. Sandle wearing yoghurt knitters.

I saw Ron Jeremy plucking chickens in the butchers.

A rough old selection it has to be said, but my first reaction was ros. The sexy voice helps, as does the fact that shes as bright as a button(the fact that most men are apparently less attracted to funny gals is patently bollocks), oh and she has a fairly blokey attitude to sex.;-)

C'mon you Scousers...anything to thwart the evil designs of Blind Bob and Pat 'The Rice' Butcher. I love that look on Wengers face, post defeat when you know hes going to come up with something ridiculous and downright bitter to say about the world in general and anyone in particular who wont let his team of effeminate luvvies play proper football. Wrap up warmly ladies cos the Northerners are gonna spank ya!...erm, and yes I am a Spurs fan.

Tis the job of children to keep adults entertained surely, dress them up in monkey costumes and pointy hats and get them to dance to the tune of the Mango Man, dance kiddies, dance!! Earn your keep you little midget folk you. Tis either that or a stint cleaning out the cowsheds down at Ol Berts farm.

Bone, as in boneyard...I was a skinny kid, but now I'm a porky adult.

I honestly didnt realise it was the 1st April today...Whats with the faux frenchery Indiana? Yes I'm a big old fool. Still, a more continental attitude to the sex industry...etc.

I think we should lend our support to this one, apparently there are plans to open a house of ill repute at the top end of Lordship Lane(near the library) directly facing the womens institute(at least they have a sense of humour) and of course the old biddys have got all up in arms about it. How dare they stop our fun! They've got knitting and incontinence and we've got guilt free sex as a sales transaction to keep our dander up. The things people complain about....

Gee, I hope so.

Hegley was comic professionalism personified but for me The King of Dysfunctional Doo-Wop was simply superb(Considering he had to adlib for a good 10 mins due to a faulty sound system(given the nature of his act this is probably a regular occurrence)), an Uncle Fester lookalike who looped voice and sound samples in real time to create a stew of nonsense music which was peculiarly funky. Plus there was a penis...which is always good for a laugh. I also found the Compere pretty sexy(even Though shes probably my Mums age). So, who's the mystery guest?

Aww, go on tell me.