jaybee82

Crossed my mind momentarily Keef, but the sick dribbling from her chin killed that off pretty sharpish. I did consider bundling her into the nearest cab but even that seemed like hard work when she could barely stand. Brendan are you free for a date sometime? Sounds like exactly my bag.

Pfff well I try! I had no idea I was so intimidating to women! Not sure I agree though Brendan, it was like being in the company of a twentysomething ADHD sufferer. Respect to you for not throwing in the towel though!

Well it turns out a few of her friends were going for lunch drinks beforehand for a birthday or something. Couldn't quite make out her slurred verse. Still, like you said, a near miss.

After an horrendous Valentines day date this year, I thought I'd share this cautionary tale with you all...well that, and my mates are sick of hearing about it... I agreed to meet up with this girl who works with a mate of mine for a few drinks on what coincidentally happened to be Valentines Day, the Saturday just gone. From (hazy) memory we got talking at the work drinks in question, and my mate reliably informed/reminded me that 1/she wasn't a nutter and 2/ we hit it off quite well. The venue was a pub on the river by Hammersmith Bridge on Saturday afternoon at 4pm. Nice and informal. Happy days. I arrived at said pub a couple of minutes early so got myself a pint in and pitched up outside to appreciate the rare bit of sun on offer and take in the surroundings. A pretty big group of lads were hard on the drinks outside and taking in a bit of the rugby, and feeling a bit sheepish on my tod I struck up some light banter while I was waiting. Time ticked by, and we reached 4:15. No sign. Fearing being stood up, I necked the rest of my pint and was about to move on but was stopped by one of the lads laughing at someone further up the river. 'Ere lads, come and have a look at this!' was the cry. What was to follow was quite horrifying. A girl, who appeared extremely worse-for-wear, was making her way along the river in a zig-zag motion, pausing to grab the handrail every so often and boosting herself up over the side a couple of times to let out the odd retch. Now the lads clearly loved it, and were wolf-whistling away and giving her quite a bit of stick. I must admit I did snigger a bit myself too...until she came into view. This was my date, absolutely smashed off her face. I finished up and made a break for it, but was too slow and she recognised me. She flung her arms around me and said she wanted another drink. The lads were finding the whole thing hilarious, and naturally I was pretty keen to get away ASAP. She asked for a Vodka and Coke but fearing this wasn't wise I fobbed her off with just coke, which seemed to help for a while until she fell off her stool. She professed she wasn't pi$$ed, but the speckles of vomit on her chin and clothes told another story entirely. She then abused a few of the locals and smashed her glass (albeit accidentally), at which point I made it time to go. I got up, used the age-old 'I'm off to the toilet' line and ran. And ran. And ran.

I'm sure Ive seen toilets like that when I was in the States. Yeah thats right, in McDonalds. One for each cheek.

Around The World - Daft Punk

Read My Mind - Killers

Hear That Sound - INXS

Pretty straightforward identity parade then

Rain City - Turin Brakes

Does he have ginger hair? Glasses? Big nose? I reckon its Herman.

Is This Love - Bob Marley

I think people know it happens, its just a question of what to do when it does. The police seems to be the wisest shout.

Theres a lot of tiptoeing around racial issues on here. People should just say what they mean, white, black or otherwise.

You never know, if someone happens to tell his wife he might do it himself like this poor chap. Ouch

I think you've summed up the whole of this thread with those wise words Kel.

Can I just lighten the mood and say you can actually still buy Wham bars. I saw one the other day for sale in a shop for money.

I want to know which shop this lad works in. A clue at least?

Smooth! I can only blame Felicity - she keeps wheeling out the unpleasantries! ;-)

OK, seconded. Didnt realise people tried to 'wear you down'...that does sound pretty cringe. I did have a chinese woman ask me to marry her once (no lie) which I thought was quite a nice gesture. Happy to say she didnt try to force me.

Maybe I digressed from the 'Dulwich Deviant' slightly. I didnt mean hassle just anyone, clearly there is a time and place. All I'm saying is if the bloke seems normal and just engages in a bit of banter with you, how can that be considered being creepy? I might be lambasted for saying it, but I dont see any harm in it at all. Having said that, I wouldn't do it so I guess that speaks volumes.

Are you biffy? Sorry I'm going to bite all over this. So tell me, how would a bloke go about getting your number? Sounds very tough indeed. What on earth is the world coming to?!

I think thats a bit harsh Snooze. Not saying I would, but I think a bloke saying hello to a girl on the high street and offering a compliment should be considered quite chivalrous...not creepy! This is why a lot of blokes don't do it.

Course she does...many Sun readers can't even write ;-)

Did you get that from chapter one of 'Shagging for Dummies?'