Jah Lush

Police Telephone boxes.

Everything Is Broken - Bob Dylan

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!' The husband said, 'The what'? The man repeated, 'The Magic Penis,' and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo. The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!' The man then pointed to the door and said, ' Magic Penis, door!' The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding way at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle. Then the man said, 'Magic Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and returned to the box. The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said 'Magic Penis, my vagina.' The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off so she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A Police Officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.Gasping and twitching, the woman said, 'I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me.' The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah right... Magic Penis, my arse!' The rest, as they say, is history...

Money In My Pocket - Dennis Brown

When I look in a mirror I see a distance between me and my reflection that isn't far enough.

It Ain't Easy - David Bowie.

Bubble cars. Sideburns. LSD

Rye Hotel, Clockhouse, Herne Tavern, CPT, Franklins, Dog, Half Moon.

Cu*ts

"Crushed and devalued."

Cocaine and ecstasy.

Through The Lonely Nights - The Stones

The Under Assistant West Coast Promotion Man - The Stones

Wigan apart, we haven't lost any post Champions League games yet. We have however been struggling with injuries at the back and up front. Doesn't help things. I don't think Rooney will sack Paul Stretford. He's just doubled his money.

He's still a greedy little shit though. But it's a win win situation. He could have bought out his contract and Manchester United would have got feck all for him or he could have run his contract down and they would have got feck all for him. If at some time in the near future someone makes them an offer they can't refuse and they decide they don't want him anymore he now has real sell-on value and can get rid of him for a very large fee. Bit like the Ronaldo situation before he went to Madrid for 80 million smackers. In the meantime he's got to starting proving to the fans and the club that he's worth what they're paying him. So far this season that hasn't happened.

Fool To Cry - The Rolling Stones.

You've got a book to flog and they haven't invited you or you have a huge desire to be flogged on TV.

Everybody Needs Somebody To Love - Solomon Burke (R.I.P)

Sunshine On A Rainy Day - Zoe

Like the man says Emerson. Big mistake.

Yeah.. this thread is pants.

Walking To New Orleans - Fats Domino

Fecking pedant.

Pah! Far too early to get rid of Roy Hodgson. How can he be out of his depth when he has experience of managing the likes of Inter-Milan? He's inherited a crap squad and has no money to spend until Christmas. Give the man a break. I think he'll get it right eventually.

A Chilean miner having sex with his wife for first time since release. Miner: Can we switch the lights off? Wife: Of course! Miner: Can I have you from behind? Wife: Anything you want my brave boy. Miner: Can I call you Pedro?