Jah Lush

An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. She turned and asked: "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied: "Well, I've spent my whole life on the ranch, herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences, so I guess I am." He then asked her what she was. She replied: "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A little while later a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him: "Are you a real cowboy?" He replied: "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Paddy Murphy limps into a Belfast pub looking as if he'd just been run over by a train. His arm in a sling, his nose is broken and his face is cut and bruised. "What happened to you?" asks Sean, the barman. "Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight," says Paddy. "That little swine, O'Connor," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand?" "That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it." "Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?" "That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Point taken. I'm outta here to get outta my head.

ED really would be a posh place if we all spoke like the Queen. Would you have us all walking around with old fashioned plummy BBC voices Keef? What about estuary English is that good enough for you?

Too southern!!!! Well it is south London what do you expect.

Yeah, I've seen the Rodster lookalike walking up Underhill Road on many occasion over the years. I must congratulate him on his barnet. Just having hair at his age is a minor miracle.

Good point with that conundrum. Front room, back room, sitting room, it amounts to the same thing.

I always thought a lounge was a posh word for a living room. Maybe it's the forum that's posh.

Posh no. But over the last few years since a lot of new money has moved into the area one does get the feeling that the place is becoming a little gentrified. I'm not complaining though as all the bars, restaurants and shops have all improved beyond measure and there is more choice. Always a good thing that.

Of course not, you're missing the point.(td)

Cheers Keef, glad you liked that one. When you come back from your meeting you'll see I've posted another. Tee-hee. Look forward to your one. :)-D

Harry Carpenter I can tell you is a member of the Dulwich & Sydenham Golf Club and has lived in and around the area for as long as I can remember. He was at my dad's funeral last year. Lovely bloke. I've seen and indeed met a number "celebs" over years in Dulwich, the most recent sighting was Saffron from Republica in The Drum a few weeks back, who I got to have a quick chinwag with. Seemed very nice and friendly and down to earth too, which is always a good sign.

This week I've been most listening to Lee "Scratch" Perry. Oh! and do check out the new albums by LCD Soundsystem, Grinderman and Jarvis Cocker as they are all very good indeed.

A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said: "I've lost my dad!" The cop asked: "What's he like?" The little boy replied: "Beer, and women with big tits."

This little lad is peddling down the street on his bike in Belfast when he gets hit by a car doing about 60 miles an hour. An old woman rushes over to him and sees that he's really badly injured. "An ambulance is on its way my son," she says. "Do you want me to call for a Priest?" "No thanks Ma'am," says the little boy. "Sex is the last thing on my mind right now!"