Grotty

think about what you would regret the most. If you put a shower in but later regret the lack of storage, storage is probably something that can be sorted relatively easily - buying a chest/wardrobe/de-cluttering, but if you go for a smaller bathroom with no shower and regret that later, thats a much bigger hassle to sort out no?

I wait for the sales and get a few bits at www.eliasandgrace.com silly expensive most of the year, but lots of stuff left at sales time and a much better price!

Not enough time with mummy. I've been away a lot over the last 2 weeks and have an exam next week so tired/stressed. It's totally clear why it's happening, just not so clear how best to manage. She is her usual lovely self with everyone else, including Daddy, but she's obviously cross with me. Lots of guilt this end. Grrr.

Hooray for EDF. The one and only thing that chilled me out last night & made me get perspective was being reminded that tantrums are commonplace and occasionally impossible to manage. In the moment it's too easy to feel like you're "the only one" and must be doing something wrong, but obviously we're not. Another tantrum today (wanting ice cream 20 minutes before lunch), but had more energy to distract that one away! Thanks again.

Thank you all. Feeling a little emotional tonight. With tantrums, I normally try some energetic distracting but forgot that tactic and if all else fails I end up going down the bribery route but failed to think of that too. Lula, i think i need to keep supplies in my bag. good tip! Today was a bad combination of tired/stressed mother & exhausted 3 yr old daughter. I think I could have coped with it if the park was empty (obviously) and if there had been no knock on the door, but the addition of other people's disapproval makes for an increasingly fraught situation. I hate seeing my daughter so upset and I hate how it makes me feel. It's easy to lose confidence in what you're doing as it goes on and on and on. I really appreciate you all being kind. It helps. RenF I agree about the neighbours concern. I'm afraid I was abrupt & a little rude when she came over, but on reflection actually decided she did the 'right' thing. I hate bad feelings so went next door and apologised for my behaviour and she said she never wanted to upset me, but was just concerned, so friends again, but a tough day all round...

Eldest daughter is 3 so tantrums are pretty scarce now but we've just had the worst evening on record. 1) Daughter refused to leave park meaning I endured a 45 minute tantrum in public. I tried carrying her but physically couldn't. I strapped her in the buggy but she escaped whilst moving and hurt herself, so I gave up and sat on the grass with my 18 month old waiting for her to stop. There was an amazing mum who came over and said I deserved a lot of wine. I can't thank her enough for being supportive. However there were other mums giving disapproving looks and shaking their heads. 2) finally home but tantrum starts again. She had wet herself at nursery so bath essential, which meant physically holding her in bath to wash her legs & bottom. Doorbell goes and neighbour says we're scaring her, 3 year olds shouldn't cry like that and if it means no bath just forget the bath. Is there a better way to do this? Just wanted general forum advice about successful management of tantrums. What has worked for you?

Is this for people with kids starting this September or for parents deciding where to apply for their kids to start next September? Thanks

WOW thank you everyone. I don't have Which subscription TownleyGreen so thank you very much for your list! I've spent a couple of days leaning towards skoda but husband not so keen. He mentioned VW Touran so going to look into that now, so still searching...

Hello EDF, I'm sure there has been a thread about this before but I can't find it. Our car has died. We have had 2 old Golf's in a row, but now with a family of 2 kids and 2 adults, we are realistic that we need a) a newer car that is less expensive in up-keep and less likely to break down b) a bigger car as family grow bigger and potentially increases in number! c) that we do unfortunately definitely need a car - looked into streetcar but it just wouldn't work for us In my head I like the standard BMW/audi estates. Financially this is not possible, but I have no idea where to go from here. Another estate? volvo, skoda, VW? Do we make the jump to MPV, which I have to admit I'm not up for, honestly only because of cosmetics, but I have to get over that right? How did you make the decision to buy the family car you have? Any regrets? Any reasons why it was a choice well made Any advice gratefully received thank you!

Try brick lane on Sundays - I know 2 people who have found their bikes being sold there after they were stolen - one paid ?50 to get their bike back. Another asked to try his out and rode off on it...

Thank you all for advice. We don't tend to stop, as like you pickle we usually just want to get there, but this time we thought it would be nice to have a week on a beach with the kids. When we're in NZ, as lovely as it is, its hectic and busy and we're never alone, so figured it would be nice to have another holiday on the way home. Its not really about breaking up the flight. However, the price of flights is huge, especially as we pay nearly full fare for the girls now, so we definitely need to choose an airline first based on cost and then see if there is anywhere easy to stop. I like the idea of Cambodia though...

We are going to New Zealand next February to visit my husbands family. Our 2 girls will be 2 and 3 then and we want to break the trip up with a week on a beach somewhere, but where? Can anyone recommend somewhere to stay or places to avoid? Thailand, Indonesia, Fiji, Hawaii?

i second nunheadmum. there are a couple of cheap shoe shops on rye lane that definitely do basic black PE shoes/daps/plimsolls....

My brother-in-law is a primary school headteacher and whenever we get in a discussion about where/what type of school to send our kids to he can't emphasise strongly enough that academia is less important in primary and the most important thing is that the kids are a) in a happy place (not sure that a headteacher talking about jealousy amongst 6 year olds is a good thing) b) the school has a mix of backgrounds c) there are at least a handful of people from a similar background so they don't get a sense of being "different" in a negative way. I think thats all pretty sensible.

Maybe its something in the air. My 17 month old tantrummed today 4 times having never done it before and both 17 month old and 3 year old messed about much more than usual at bedtime.....

ooo interesting. What is the middle child issue? I always thought the middle child was supposed to be the most normal?

We are going through exactly this dilemma at the moment. We always said we wanted 3 (we have 2 girls aged almost 3 and 16 months), and i do feel "ready" and pretty much yearn for another, but 2 have put a massive financial strain on us. I agree with others above about the not quite feeling like our family is complete now, which likely means that if we don't go for it we will always wonder what if... But, theres a lot that comes with another baby - financial strain, extra chaos, putting my work on hold for another year or so, harder for us to travel back to NZ to see husbands family, less time for other kids. But seriously, forgetting all that, wouldn't it just be lovely. I have 2 exams to do over the next year and we need to prove we can save money and budget and then we've said we'll see. I guess it makes sense to at least make sure we won't be paying for 3 kids childcare and maybe even more sensible to get to a point where the 2 eldest are at school before I go back to work after no.3. Such ongoing dilemmas in my head, but really, its about deciding whether to follow heart or head. its pretty obvious which is going to win, but its about working out when the most sensible will be.

where did you find the photo?

Amazing!

My nearly 3 year old has her favourites: (iphone/ipad) Plic Ploc Wiz - learning how to use shapes and colours to create different images - lovely design Press Here (Herve Tullet) - i love this one, not particularly educational, but interactive and cute Bug Builder (Tickle tap apps) - extremely basic, not particularly educational, but my daughter loves it count animals (appracadabra.com) - counting numbers 1 to 20 - lovely design Numberland - learning how to say numbers, read them and write them Letter sounds (montessori) - learning how to say letters, read them and write them Endless ABC (callaway) - learning new words and learning letters

OK so next question - whats the best app for budgeting? I want something I can put every thing I spend into with categories and also input ingoings and outgoings and work out monthly spend etc. Something visual with graphs/calculations would be a bonus! i love stats me...

This is all amazing advice. Thank you. I get paid next week so plan to completely overhaul our finance system this weekend and start afresh next week. I'm hoping to be able to save a little, pay off credit cards a little and stick to a sensible budget. I agree with the meal planning thing and online shopping. I definitely get tempted to overspend if I'm pottering around a supermarket and end up with too much of one thing that gets wasted and not enough of something else so we have to do another shop to top up. But i'm generally sensible with cooking large amounts so we eat the same thing 2 days running. I think my random spending is the biggest problem (unnecessary clothes, books, going out, kids stuff) so going to go back over past statements to get the truth about where all our money goes. I'm not looking forward to it, but as you say midivydale, as daunting as it is, i'll probably feel better for it afterwards. I like the idea of having hard cash on a fortnightly or monthly basis, at least initially so I can physically see how much money I have and can't spend more than. Thanks again for the advice. We are hoping to move next year but I know our credit rating has slipped massively over the last few years. Thats not going to change quickly, but hopefully if we can manage to meet all payments over the next 12 months and show evidence of paying off debt and saving a little, if we need to borrow any more for a bigger house, the mortgage companies will be a little bit more sympathetic. Sigh. So much to do, so little time, but i'm well up for the challenge!

Thats all very good advice thankyou! I'm notorious for the excess unnecessary spending at shops when all you went for was something small. what about bank accounts? we have a current account each and a joint account for bills - but the problem is most of my wages go on our kids childcare costs, so i'm always dipping into the joint account, which means we're always playing catch up. I know some people just have 2 joint accounts and no current accounts - one account for bills and the other for everything else. Any thoughts?

I've always been terrible with money. We always seem to be just scraping by each month, sometimes properly struggling, and have never managed to save anything. But I don't think our earnings are any less than the average of people we know. It is blatantly obvious that I'm a spender, but I'm determined to turn this around. I'm after structure and boundaries to help manage finances with a family. Does anyone have any tools/tips/advice on how they succeed or try to succeed with this?

My mum gave us lifetime membership, and although we probably don't use it as much as we could we definitely benefit from being members. Most national trust properties are great for kids, from just generally running about outside to having adventure playgrounds, and there are always afternoon teas on offer. We also use it to break up long drives eg. went to a wedding in Manchester so found a nice national trust place half way and stopped there so the kids could pee/run around/eat something. We also seem to find it useful when husband goes surfing as there are lots of places on the coast where we get free parking! I'm not sure I would have got round to paying for it/sorting it for myself, but we're very glad we have it...