Lot of useful advice on here but I know if it were grumpy old me I'd be reading the comments advising me to engage with my neighbours in a friendly way ,open a bottle of wine with them etc and thinking ...it would be nice if they were taking the iniative with the wine etc . Perhaps they have ? But the OP sounds perfectly reasonable ,not combatative ,and not particularly in need of being told to play nice . "The work is going to be a nightmare for us but not much we can do about that. We are really more concerned with the height of the party wall being erected because there is only a small gap between our houses and it is going to feel very oppressive"