Ted Max

I think the current Graun (I only read the fashion pages) position on Assange is that he's a dissembling, self-obsessed, anti-semite who should answer his rape charge. They've had a big falling out and all. If Andy is found guilty it'll be another example of "the help" taking the hit. Just as the Spad "Snowy" Smith did for Tintin. Right, kids?

"When did you stop beating your wife, Mr Connery? Also, do you have any 3,000 word short stories about late-flowering love, preferably between two previously lost souls who meet on a coach trip to Chatsworth?"

I'm rehearsing *Bob*'s breast-grabbing manoeuvre but the mirror's confusing me. I keep grabbing my right breast first.

People's Friend, and no one wants to go there I live there.

Give her a 12 hour back rub and say "mmm, mmm it must be awful" a lot whilst pulling faces at her swollen arse.

May 1997. 15 feckin years ago. Cherie's hair on the doorstep. Major watching cricket at the Oval. The death of hope blah blah. Wondering if there are any good books out there on this period to about 2007, preferably not written by axe-grinding nutters, and light on the "Noel doing lines off the Downing Street bannisters LOL" anecdotes. Bit of historical economic perspective would be nice; not interested in Blaircult etc etc. Looking for the sort of thing I can impress my uncle with on our walking tour of Swabia this summer.

Oh you can have them, Marmora Man. I don't hold any brief for the "Wha's like us" brigade. Scots v good at providing missionary and military enforcement of The Empire's commercial rapine. (N.B. Other simplistic generalisations are also available...your mileage may vary etc.)

DNQ: Wellington (Tyrant, Irish) Ernest Shackelton (Irish) John Logie Baird (Scottish) Alexander Fleming (Scottish) Thatcher (Lizard)

Why is there a skip in the kitchen?

The business plan should have included a full risk assessment. So-called consultation.

Yes. And as I drank I was busy reading every single fuckingthread for a hint of a spark of a glimmer of joy and throwing my unwashed corduroy gusset in its face.

How many hygiene stars has it got?

Typical council parasites.

Why did you do it like that, shouldn't you have considered this first? It will only encourage others to try and copy it. Put it down, you don't know where it's been. Is there free parking? Have you thought about the parking? Sounds fine in theory, but who's going to clean up after? Some of us have jobs to go to.

Yes, it is a Gainsborough. See, by pretending to make my art publicly accessible by spraying it on walls, assuming the language of street art, I simultaneously make my art an elitist parlour game. That means I win both ways.

Did not use a Red Pen. otherwise the Screen would be red as well. And it was not done in PhotoShop... There is considerably less work than that... http://i47.tinypic.com/2af0o4p.jpg

Gnnnnnn... http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/93/Wizard_troll_doll-low_res.jpg/220px-Wizard_troll_doll-low_res.jpg

I'd consider a 78 to Hilton Tower Bridge at More London. Could make it a round trip by coming back on the train from L Bridge. Pretty discreet too, I think. It's BoJo's choice of venue for begetting bastards with City Hall temps, and nobody much found out about that.

Viccy Inn's no good. If you stand on the traffic island on Bellenden Road you can see even a reasonably well holstered arse on the upstroke through the top windows. Actress has no locks on the doors, and the polis have it under surveillance from the safe house opposite. They sell playing away shaggers' deets to the local PIs (at least the ones they haven't already axed in Sydenham pub car parks). I'd say that only leaves the two secret rooms above Green & Blue. You have to go through the kitchen to get there, but at least there's a decent drop avaiable with which to drown the guilt, fear and self-loathing. HTH.

I reckon Jack's nailed-on for 4,000 posts. By 2016 he's renovating a nice two-bedder up Danby Street, posting for buggy recommendations. And that's OK, Jack. We all end up somewhere

^^ If you read that in Brian Sewell's voice, it's even better. Although that's true of most things.

All my PMs are kept in a locked filing cabinet, naturally. As they are private.

Nah - I have a room with printouts of old threads stuck up all round the walls, ceiling and floor. I go in there when the pressure gets too much. I find it calming to go somewhere familiar and safe. I've learnt about half the Forum by rote, already.

Ach not really - it started long before that when she posted a perfectly reasonable question about the Palmerston, but in doing so linked to her blog, which one or two posters (Oh OK, *Bob*) interpreted as "Hey - look at my blog". It wasn't a particularly warm welcome initially, but in fact that blew over after about 5 posts and it quickly settled down to people either saying, "yes I agree" or "no, I don't" and all was fine, until the Palmerston itself posted a rather snitty reply accusing her of amatuerism, at which point 2-3 of Helen's mates registered and piled in. One of them made a crack on Twitter about all visiting the place and giving it shit reviews. So then there was some more snittery, and then all the usual mentals and hard of understanding piled in and before long there was a textbook nine page jerkfest where any original point had been long lost. Foodstories seemed to think she was under some sort of sustained attack but she wasn't - plenty agreed with her, in fact. It just wasn't quite the "you go darling, that looks totes amaze" circle therapy of foodie blogdom. The "feckinkids" article was much later, and somehow spawned some truly mental EDF batshittery about parents needing to be teetotal at all times, or some such, from one particular poster. But FoodStories had nothing to do with that - someone else linked to her article and then some absolute bellends went at it. (BTW, I think this wins me the official "Forum sad bastard" badge, if you please?)

"We'll need extra space for all the donors" "You two are fond of kebabs?" "Get this idiot out of here, Samantha."