BellendenBear

1. Learn to say 'no' and get better at delegating to others. I was always hopeless at this so did an assertiveness course a few weeks before going back. Money very well spent. I am now much better at saying no and setting boundaries. Did about half an hour of role play of me saying calmly but firmly and without sounding apologetic 'I have to leave at 6, I have to leave at 6...' while they tried to convince me otherwise. 2. As above - get a cleaner. 3. As above - book some holiday, even if it's just a couple of days here and there over the first couple of months to break the weeks up a bit. 4. It gets easier. Not sure what I used to take so long doing in mornings before.

Your headaches sound typical of tension headaches. As your GP said these are often exacerbated by analgesics particularly codeine-based ones. It is quite common for these to be worse after having a baby - lifting heavy baby/toddler, breastfeeding etc. I would see your GP and ask to be referred to Gateway clinic for acupuncture (NHS). If you can afford it you could do this privately or try massage/osteopath/chiropractor which may also help. If this didn't help there are new guidelines for referral to local headache clinics (much quicker than waiting to see neurologist).

In my experience it is we in the UK who are particularly slow in offering our seats. When I was 5 months pregnant we travelled to Beijing by train going through 9 countries across Europe and Asia. At that time no one had ever offered me their seat in the UK (and too be fair I felt fine so didn't particularly need one). But everywhere else we went people fell over themselves to offer seats.

I had planned a home birth but ended up being induced in Kings. At the time I was gutted, but it ended up being a positive experience. I had 3 different midwives and they were all fantastic. The experience at Kings should be improving as they expand their maternity services to meet demand. Maybe this is old news, but they are planning to expand their birthing capacity next year and in the meantime are no longer accepting out of area referrals apart from for women who need to go to Kings for medical reasons.

I wasn't saying that they aren't exposed to those chemicals or the effects of them. I was pointing out that unborn babies do not inhale.

Ligaturiosity Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Skye, interesting that you refer to the 'poor > woman' smoking whilst walking down L/ship Lane > whilst obviously pregnant. Personally I feel for > the 'poor unborn child' having to inhale all those > noxious chemicals and smoke, not to mention the > list of ailments which it is more likely to get as > a result of its 'poor mum' selfishly smoking > during pregnancy 'poor unborn' children don't inhale smoke, noxious chemicals or anything else. Your poor understanding of basic physiology seems to reflect your poor understanding of everything else that is human or humane. If your tactics for tackling addiction are so valid why haven't the NHS cessation services caught on to it? Why have all these clinics when we could just lock them all in a room and let loose? Maybe the specialist clinics that try to support and stabilise pregnant addicts could save all their time and just hire you to let loose instead. > > Narnia, I think your scenario is a valid one, > although I would argue that what this woman was > doing was much worse than throwing litter. But > then I would think that wouldn't I?

Can anyone recommend a good pilates class in the evenings?

If you wanted some reassurance about homebirths for you or your partner there are meetings at Kings (every month I think) in the evenings. I think the NCT run them but you don't have to be a member (again, I think). You get to talk about all the practicalities of HB, any fears and concerns and there will be people there who have recently had a HB to share their experience.

I think Jamma has a good point, and many of the posts to contradict her merely reinforce what she says. I was also struck by how people project their perceptions of gender onto their babies, whether consciously or sub-consciously. The idea that liking remotes, mobiles or banging things is 'boy' behaviour is ridiculous. All babies/toddlers that I have seen, boy or girl, love making noise and fiddling with gadgets, pressing buttons, and pretending to talk on mobiles. There are personality differences between babies, but I know lots of fearless physical girls and lots of gentle timid boys. But as soon as a child demonstrates a behaviour that is perceived as typical of girl or boy the adults seem to reinforce this. I know someone who thought their baby was a boy at the 12 week scan because it was jumping around all over the screen! As if girl fetuses just lie there and look at their nails. As soon as a boy shows interest in cars or balls Dad rushes out and buys him loads of them and reinforces his 'boyness'. Same as soon as a girl picks up a handbag or a doll. We were recently away with friends and their 2 year old boy and baby girl and it was striking how the parents did this. Their son is very gentle and sweet and quite cautious, much more so than our daughter. His parents always focused on his boy traits - he likes balls and cars, never mentioning the fact that he loves nothing more than pushing his doll's buggy or dancing. And pink being a girl colour is a very recent thing. There was an article about this in the Guardian or Observer a few months back.

This service already exists via the one o'clock clubs.

Less than 12 hours after giving birth my Mum looked me up and down and asked when the other one would be coming out.

HeidiHi Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Jollybaby > > It says on here that: > 75 percent of babies died in a room without an > adult in it, hence the advice to have baby in a > room with you for the first six months among other > things. It also says that the majority of those babies were sleeping on their back or side so they were unable to say for sure whether sleeping in a different room was an independant risk factor. To answer the question, we moved baby into own room at 8 weeks and wished we'd done so earlier. Like others have said, I was responding to every stir by feeding her so she never self-settled. After moving to own room I never had to feed more than once per night and within 2 weeks she was sleeping til 7am most night. It's a personal choice and you have to do what you are most comfortable with. Own room was definitely best for all of us. > > http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/sleep/cotdeathday > timenaps/

I agree with Jo, NCT worth every penny. Not sure how I would have stayed sane without my NCT buddies in those early weeks. And as someone else had said, it is really important that you are all going through it at the same time. You quickly forget what each stage is like. I also went to the NHS classes at Dulwich, well actually only went to one. Very crowded, knackering as they are in the evening after work during those final weeks, and we just didn't find it very useful. We didn't really learn anything that you couldn't have easily picked up in a book or on here, and there was no real opportunity to chat with the other parents. NCT (with Sillywoman) was great. Lots of time to get to know each other and lots of stuff about the first few hours, days and weeks with baby. My partner was not particularly enthusiastic when I signed us up but found it really useful, especially the pictures of what babies really look like when they come out - elongated bruised head, swollen genitals and a little period after 3 or 4 days, he was prepared for it all!

New Mother, what medical advice are you waiting to be changed? The advice is already for all under 1s to be vaccinated in this area isn't it? And I don't understand your comment about herd immunity being irrelevant if your child is at low risk. Isn't that the whole point of herd immunity? That the majority get vaccinated to protect the most vulnerable minority even if that doesn't include your low risk non-ethnic child.

We haven't had any problems with our 2 cats and a baby (now toddler). They both stayed well clear for the first few weeks/months. They didn't used to like each other very much, but their common threat seems to have brought them together and now they spoon together in the safe places they have discovered. My daughter loves them! One is very tolerant of her (15 months) and will allow her to stroke and pull her fur and tail in a way that we would never get away with. The other still keeps his head down and stays clear.

When his feet do get longer give the Clark's factory store on Rye Lane a go. Not the biggest selection but occasionally you strike lucky. I just bought some shoes that were originally ?26 for ?5 for my daughter (4G).

I just wanted to reiterate what Craigy has said. It might be too late to find a caseload midwife (like Brierley) but you don't have to be registered with one of these groups to have a home birth, not with Kings anyway. There are Community midwives who work on a rota, and at Kings you get the opportunity to meet all of them in advance. I would contact your MW asap to clarify things - I expect St Thomas' will be similar. Good Luck

I planned to work until 38 weeks. At 37 weeks I hit a wall and was dreading that final week. Luckily my waters broke on the Sunday night so I never did that last dreaded week (although did go in for a few hours to finish paperwork with colleagues looking very nervous!). If work need to know a definite date then it's best to say later rather than sooner. You can always stop earlier that you said by going sick which automatically becomes mat leave, but more difficult to stay later if you are feeling up to it.

Alec John Moore Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > http://www.findmyschool.co.uk/ looks quite good. > You can search for the schools nearest your > postcode, look at the Ofsted reports and ask > others about the schools you are interested in on > EDF. The local authority has the info on > application procedures. I think this website is a bit flawed if you live on the border of postcodes, eg SE15/SE22. It seems to only list schools in your post code. Our nearest school is just a few meters away but doesn't show up when I search because it is not in SE15. Good for summarising OFSTED and results though.

Knomester's list covers most of it. I would just highlight pillow and flip flops. And a swaddling sheet/blanket for the baby. And agree that you need more maternity pads, muslins and nappies than you would have thought possible. And fruit / jellybabies.

craigy Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > I never had one and will not be for the 2nd > either.... instead i bought a lovely big leather > bag from whistles that went over the handles of > the pram perfectly and doubled it as mine and his > bag and we got along perfectly with that... > > I really do not think that they are essential- > just my opinion!! Me neither. Don't really get why you need a special bag. Am I missing something?!

Have you tried using a disposable with a wrap over the top (they type you would use over cloth nappies)? Can be very effective. You would only need 4 or 5 and you would hardly notice them as extra washing.

Get your health visitor to refer you for their safety service. You pay ?10 and they come and provide and fit ?60 of stuff, you just chose what you want from a list. Only available in Lambeth and Southwark I think. They fitted 2 stair gates, kitchen cupboard and freezer locks and provided lots more including corner covers, high chair harness etc etc. A real bargain. We recently had some re-wiring done and the electrician told us that you don't need socket covers on the new 'MK' sockets.

There are lots of threads on this if you do a search. It's very common, the little buggers. They know what they want. I had lots of stress trying to get my baby to take a bottle, not because I wanted to stop BF, but I was desperate to leave her for a few hours! Eventually with help from another forumite in the form of her huge collection of bottles I cracked it with a playtex drop-in bottle. I still have it if you want to try. It has a very soft latex teat which my baby took immediately having rejected several other types. After a few weeks she would happily take any bottle. At 14 months, I now have the opposite problem of trying to get her off the bottle especially after seeing a TV programme last night with lots of kids having their teeth ripped out. I wasn't going to fight her again but now think I might have to, oh the stress.

Forget the other passangers, take the offer! I just flew to Oz and back on my own with our 13 month old (I put a thread on here before Xmas asking for advice). It was way easier than I expected, and I think a new born will be easier still. I flew with Malaysian and they were great. The advice above about asking for/demanding help is good. I called them several times before the flight with my nervous questions and they were great. You will be let on the plane first so make sure that as soon as you get on you make friends with the cabin crew and make it clear that if there are any spare seats you want them! It is in everybody's interests for you to have an easy time. The main difference between airlines seems to be the size of the bassinet, but with a new born this won't be an issue. I managed to squeeze my daughter into the bassinet and she slept for up to 8 hours at a time. Friends just flew wih their 8 month old with BA, and he was too big for the bassinet. It will be fine. Call the airlines if it reassures you.