After being dismissed for 81 runs in their 1st innings against Sri Lanka the following statement has been issued from the England dressing room, ?It?s a shit game anyway!? The tearful captain, Michael Vaughn said ?What do you expect from us, all dressed up in white and sent to stand on a field all day with nothing better to do than argue about who is going to get to rub the ball in their crotch?? Kevin Pietersen and Mat Prior were last seen heading for the next flight to South Africa dressed in khaki shorts and bush hats. When asked what they were doing they shouted something in Afrikaans that roughly translated means, ?You can take your county contracts and citizenship offers and stick them up your arse. We?re not playing anymore.? Meanwhile Monty Panesar is refusing to speak to anyone and has taken to pensively sharpening a Ghurka knife on his shin pads and Steve Harmison and Paul Collinwood have started a petition to have all of England North of the river Tees re-zoned as Scottish.