RABBIT SNATCH Attempt

[cowbearuk]

Last Weds evening, my daughter went into the garden to give 'oliver' our lop eared bunny

his treat. She was confronted by a young man with a goatee beard waving a carrot at Oliver whispering

'Step into the Light'. Luckily my daughter had the intelligence to kick the stranger in the balls and he

ran off. If you keep rabbits as pets, bring the hutch nearer to the house, or better still, keep them inside

until this maniac is caught. Upland Road seems to be his favorite haunt.

[Ondine]

we have guinea pigs. Would you be prepared to advise on their care?

[cowbearuk]

Dear Ondine

Guinea Pigs are much smarter than rabbits, they would never fall for such cheap trickery from potential attackers. The best way to protect them is to gently microwave them for 35 seconds at 2000w. Remember to remove the revolving tray as you don't want them getting dizzy, that would be cruel. They would emerge from the microwave like little hot potatoes. As they have very dense fur, they would naturally retain this heat throughout the night making it virtually impossible for a potential attacker to handle them. This also works for hamsters, mice and voles, however, you will need to reduce the timings to just 18 seconds each. Kind regards.

[Ant]

How long would you microwave them for if you're doing them from frozen?

[cowbearuk]

Dear Ant

How ridiculous!! If they were frozen, they would be DEAD. Apologies to Ondine for this hoaxer, frozen Guinea Pigs indeed!! Changing the subject, are Kwik Fit open Saturdays? My exhaust is rattling. Thanks.

[Huguenot]

This is bound for the lounge.

What, I wonder, would be the advantage to our hirsute friend of coaxing the rabbit into the light? Where, for that matter, did the light come from?

How, also, did your pugnacious daughter manager to get the gonad shot in? Having recreated the scene of the crime (with parsnip instead of carrot and ashtray instead of lop eared bunny), I note that the 'coaxing' invoked a stoop that left my privates well protected.

You should pursue little jenny further on this: ask for a general description and then press on detail. Was it the left or the right foot? Was it a roundhouse spang, or a toepoke? What was the criminal's demeanour? His response?

We're looking for inconsistencies and inaccuracies that may reveal the entire story to be a house of cards. It may be that this story has been fabricated for attention, a sort of lapine Munchausens. My suspicion is that under cross examination she will crumble and reveal, apologetically, that there were two attackers.

[cowbearuk]

Dear Huguenot

Correct my daughter is pugnacious. The 'light' was of course a torch. By coaxing any rabbit 'into the light' would automatically confuse and temporarily stun the creature making a 'snatch' relatively easy. Correct again, coaxing would automatically involve a slight stoop. I should also mention my daughter is 37, so kicking the hirsute one in the testicles was also relatively easy. By sitting back on the hutch, she managed to use both feet. Easy really? Now I am going into the bathroom for a self harming session, I need some more attention. Kind regards

[cowbearuk]

-- moved topic --

[Administrator]

Lounged

[spadetownboy]

maybe he was looking to breast feed the rabbit !!!

[batdog]

Cowbearuk,

It sounds like a script for the next Helen Mirren 'prime suspect' series....

Anyway congratulations to your 'girl' for saving the rabbit (tu)

[Michael Palaeologus]

I did have to read the title of this thread twice to get its true meaning. I blush to think of it..

Rabbit and carrot casserole - very tasty.

[SimonM]

>>I did have to read the title of this thread twice to get its true meaning. I blush to think of it..<<

And me. I thought at first it was a piece about shoplifting in Ann Summers...B)

[FatHappyChappy]

Simon M, had to get out of the William Rose Breastfeeding Lounge posting, I was suffocating!! popped into to Rabbit Snatch and saw this, laughed my tits off at 6:25 am so loud, Ann Summers indeed, is there one around here? I am going to ask my flat mate Celine "what's a Rabbit Snatch". not being too crude, there was a joke along these line. Mother sat down on sofa with no undies on. Child walks in and screams "Mummy, Mummy you are sitting on my rabbit!!" "No Dear, Muffy is in his hutch" "Oh, I just thought I saw his ears hanging down and panicked" - probably got it wrong but it's early and I need a coffee.

[dancet]

Both our rabbits have been stolen from their hutch in our garden Upland Road on Friday 28th April. It has been very sad and distressful for my children and has been reported to the R.S.P.C.A. They were rescue rabbits and very friendly, we guess some sicko has use them as dog bait or let them loose. We put up posters offering a reward but have heard nothing.

[*Bob*]

cobblers

[Jonboy]

*bob* - it was far more likely to have been gypsies that did this. I've always found cobblers to be ok.

[*Bob*]

it's the Tinkers you've gotta watch out for.

[mockney piers]

Or in the modern version:

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Big Brother Contestant

It's the latter you've REALLY got to keep an eye on. Perhaps Jade has strayed out of Bermondsey and fancied a bit of rabbit pie?

[Jonboy]

i think she'd have eaten the straw and probably the hutch as well though.

[Huguenot]

Rabbits get stolen for dog bait? I'm flabberghasted...

I had a pet rabbit imaginatively called 'hoppy', which disappeared despite substantial work on a roof to his run. I've convinced myself that a fox got him, and that it was mercifully quick. The idea that some some baboon with a dog called 'killer' paid him a visit is heartbreaking.

Dogs, what can I say....?

;-)

Heh heh heh...

[mockney piers]

one of my favourite quotes

Daisy: Colin's gone.

Tim: What?

Daisy: He went next door.

Tim: Oh, Daisy. I'm sorry. How did that happen?

Daisy: He walked.

Tim: [looks confused] Riiight, right. Sorry. My mum used to use "going next door" as a euphemism for being dead.

Mike: Whoa. Does that mean my rabbit's dead?

Tim: It's been 18 years Mike, where did you think he was?

Mike: [sobbing] Next door!

[Michael Palaeologus]

Who's Tim? I dont remember this. Where's my comfort rabbit?