I heard the news today, oh boy..

[Ted Max]

Nothing? I guess this will soon be a pun perdu.

[Brendan]

Don't worry I'm sure you'll find it again.

I just don?t understand what you?re getting at. The immigrants aren?t French are they? I know about the French, they?re the ones who are rude to me when I?m on my holidays. The immigrants are the ones who did my bathroom.

[annaj]

Leave me alone Mockney, you big bully.

I've had a very hard, middle England life.

Do you have any idea what I've suffered...?

[mockney piers]

Indeed as tough as my middle class upbringing was I ain't proper posh like you so can only imagine what you must of gone through :-0

[bigbadwolf]

The only sure fire way of finding out if someone is truly middle class is if they have some sort of organic bathroom product/scrub/shampoo that's got a really patronising label or failing that they've got a pomegranate in their fruitbowl.

A sure fire way of telling if someone is truly working class/scum is by how many football ground banning orders they have. They usually eat microwave meals alot as well.

Can't get any more simpler than that.

[mockney piers]

he he, how times change.

When I grew up pomegranates, water melon, chorizo and jamon serrano in the house were signs of us being first generation immigrants, not middle class. We regularly had to smuggle them into the country as it was illegal to take them either out of Spain or into Britain

[david_carnell]

This is like the Monty Python 3 Yorkshiremen sketch but in reverse:

"San Pelligrino? Bye eck I would have killed for sparkling mineral water when I were a lad"

[mockney piers]

"chestnut mushrooms? luxury, we 'ad to merk do wi t'chanterelle"

[david_carnell]

"Vegetable delivery box? We had t' walk t' organic greengrocers."

[Ted Max]

A big small cat, or a small big cat?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/8172064.stm?ls

[DaveR]

Organic food no better for you than any other food.

No research as yet on beneficial effects of smugness.

[bigbadwolf]

This is alarming, sad and so very, very wrong.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1170348/The-50-year-old-mother-spent-10-000-surgery-look-like-daughter.html

[RosieH]

A little late in the day, but how many tw@ts make a Cameron..? (hey, it's not a swearword on radio apparently, but it is on here..?)

Not once, but TWICE! Holy twatola, twice!!!

Might make my mum think he's not such a nice man after all

[annaj]

I heard it this morning Rosie (I know, Absolute Radio, it's rubbish, but I like the music and it stays in tune all the way to the Medway tunnel) and I think it was a deliberate, and slightly botched, attempt to look cool. It was so obviously a prepared line and he kind of sniggered in a "I know I'm being naughty" way as he said it. Absolute Radio are loving it. It's the first item on their news and they've put video of the interview on the website along with "leaked" "candid" footage of Cameron's PR woman telling him off afterwards.

And the second swear word was pissed FFS, that hardly counts.

But the really scary thing, if you look at things like the comment pages of the online papers, is people saying "well, I'm not a tory, but if he says twat on the radio he's a good bloke and I reckon I'll vote for him"

F u c k w i t s. Now that's a swear word.

[RosieH]

Yeah, absolutely shameless PR stunt.

I'm a chap and I'm going on chap's radio, so I'm going to get down with the chaps and say something a little risque, "a bit of blue for the dads", if you will, as that terrifically funny northern chap said once. I've heard that white van man is rather partial to the odd bit of anglo saxon invective - at least that's what my advisors tell me. Must confess that I've cribbed the line a bit from something I read in Private Eye, but it goes down an absolute storm with the chaps at the rugger. I'll throw in a bit about the Killers and Morrissey, that Mike Flowers fellow is terrific. Tomorrow I'm going to say something rude about johnny foreigner, that'll bring the votes in.

And anyone who thinks better of him for it. Twats! (Tw@ts! - really Admin, that bad a word? If Cameron can say it, can't I?)

[HonaloochieB]

Memo

To Cammo

From Andy Coulsono

Just some thoughts on some risque words/phrases you might want to drop into various media opportunities.

See what you think.

'Knob Jockey' - Loose Women.

'Fellatrix' - Today, John Humphrys.

'Jizz bucket' - The One Show.

'C*ntbollox' - Top Gear, this could be risky but it's massive so chance it.

'C*ntbollox' - That new show of Richard & Judy's, safe enough I reckon.

'Spunk Monkey' - GMTV.

'Filthy Whores' - BBC Breakfast.

'Wankel Rotary Engine' - This Morning.

'Completely Shagged Out' - Bargain Hunt Celebrity Tat Find.

Hope these meet with your approval DC.

And once again may I thank you for taking me on as your as your publicity maven. Me and the family are so grateful.

What with the 'other lot' not having a great time with a former hack with the initials 'AC'.

Ando

[SeanMacGabhann]

Stock markets rallied heavily today when bluechip companies such as annaj, rosieh and Honaloochie "B" traded heavily in gold

Christ Labour deserve every bruise they get on the way out but anyone cheering a Cameron victory will get.. well.... shrift that isn't very long

[Brendan]

If, inexplicably even still, you somehow believe in the social benefit of the over inflated, largely pointless and parasitic banking industry or you think that our intrepid leader?s complicity in it is somehow honourable, please read this. I know George Monbiot is an annoying, patronising so-n-so but he sums things up very well here.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/sep/07/financial-meltdown-gordon-brown-g20

[mockney piers]

I have to say as an opinion piece writer Johann Hari is an irritating little twerp, however this interview with the controversial Mr Adams actually makes for very interesting reading.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/profiles/gerry-adams-unrepentant-irishman-1783739.html

[????]

Mockers - Hari gets up my nose too as does bloody Lawton, yet I still persevere with the Indie....

[mockney piers]

The uk press has little to be proud of (private eye and dome other niche publications apart) but the indiprndent generally edges it as best of a bad crop.

[Brendan]

Pity their fucking website isn't working.

[Jeremy]

Brendan Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> If, inexplicably even still, you somehow believe

> in the social benefit of the over inflated,

> largely pointless and parasitic banking industry

> or you think that our intrepid leader?s complicity

> in it is somehow honourable, please read this. I

> know George Monbiot is an annoying, patronising

> so-n-so but he sums things up very well here.

>

> http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2009/sep/0

> 7/financial-meltdown-gordon-brown-g20

I totally agree that the lack of regulation in the city is a disgrace. The recent recession could (should?) have been totally avoidable IMO.

But to say the banking industry is pointless is not accurate. Loans/mortages, banks accounts, savings, pensions, insurance... enabling companies (and governments) to raise funds, invest, manage risk... quite important stuff, really.

[Brendan]

Mostly pointless.

Anyway I was just being emotive.

Or alternatively let?s perhaps start from the ludicrous assumption that I understand how an economy works, how the monetary system developed how banking works and how Britain has positioned itself as a global provider of financial services. Then suppose I was questioning the wisdom of an economy based entirely on making money available. Or maybe I was questioning the monetary system in itself and quite possibly the whole political, legislative and economic fabric of this fuckwitted world.

Or maybe I?m just pissed off because the public services and infrastructure that my tax money is supposed to be supporting are going to lose out because the financial sector cocked up and decided they should have all the cash.

Sorry, don?t mean to sound too arsey but I know about insurance and pensions and fings, really I do.

[Jeremy]

Brendan Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Mostly pointless.

>

> Anyway I was just being emotive.

>

> Or alternatively let?s perhaps start from the

> ludicrous assumption that I understand how an

> economy works, how the monetary system developed

> how banking works and how Britain has positioned

> itself as a global provider of financial services.

> Then suppose I was questioning the wisdom of an

> economy based entirely on making money available.

> Or maybe I was questioning the monetary system in

> itself and quite possibly the whole political,

> legislative and economic fabric of this fuckwitted

> world.

>

> Or maybe I?m just pissed off because the public

> services and infrastructure that my tax money is

> supposed to be supporting are going to lose out

> because the financial sector cocked up and decided

> they should have all the cash.

>

> Sorry, don?t mean to sound too arsey but I know

> about insurance and pensions and fings, really I

> do.

No no... not arsey at all. Most people feel the same way. Nobody likes the idea of their tax being used to prop up a struggling company, with no perceived benefit to the public. I just hope that the banking stocks (and the economy in general) rebound enough to justify the huge debts we've taken on.

Anyway... we're treading old ground here... over and out.