If only I knew that then..........

[expat]

>thinks that the only beautiful birds in the world all live in Denmark.

Send him to a Danish University....

[Narnia]

Well he only found that out since accepting this one.

[copleston_charlie]

You've done the right thing about getting him into halls in the first year - the primary objective here is to make as many friends as possible - of both sexes - and halls are the best place for doing that. Don't worry about the cooking, he'll be forced to cook when he gets hungry and will learn things off friends.

Academically, although the second and third years will count for more, some sage advice is to make sure he finds out how the course assessment is being done and focus on that. Are there weekly tutorials to attend - make sure you at least turn up and do some preparation. There's plenty of opportunity for tossing about, he just needs to know when the core pieces of work need to be done and plan the mucking about/lost weeks on booze around that so he doesn't get thrown out next June.

[candp]

- Your youthful body can survive on super noodles and booze for weeks but take a vitamin supplement just to help it along.

[ruffers]

2 big regrets for me -

1) Not budgeting and getting in a permanent debt/overdraft habit I'm still struggling to break.

2) Not actually doing the work I should have and not finishing.

Same answer to both is do a bit of planning, get a bit organised. If only I knew that then.......... and had acted on it.

[randombloke]

1. Learn to cook on a budget, shop at the local markets, learn how to make at least 3 meals from a chicken.

2 Learn how to make a really good punch for parties:

Recipe as follows:- 2 bottles Whiskey, 2 bottles Vodka, 2 bottles Bacardi, 4 litres orange juice,4 litres red wine. Mix up in a dustbin. Top up with lots of lemonade. Soak various kinds of fruit in Polish Pure Spirit and sugar for 1 week prior to the party. Add fruit just before guests arrive. Ensure you give all the girls at the party liberal helpings of fruit and punch. Drink beer from a sealed can yourself.

3. Remember that you can only use a condom once. If it's past the sell by date you need to work on your chat up technique/see point No 2.

4. Don't ever allow yourself to fall asleep in a drunken stupor on the beach so that your friends write c*cksucker on your forehead with factor 40 sunscreen.

4. Do occasionally turn up for lectures having done some preparation.

5. Try not to telephone your parents only when you are either pissed, skint, in jail or handcuffed to a lamp post in Leeds City Centre.

6. Try not to post photographic evidence of drug use/law breaking/unfaithfulness on Facebook.

6. Come home after 3 years with at least a 2:1 or else you have wasted your time.

This advice is for male students obviously. Please adjust points 2,3 and 4 to suite gender of student.

For female students try not to make mummy and daddy grandparents without some sort of prior notice. They still think you are a princess and don't want any of those sex-mad, feckless, idle, spongeing gits (particularly the ones who use dubious means [see point No 2])touching their little precious.

[????]

Don't use a crisp packet as a condom

[Brendan]

And don't get that tattoo that seems like such a good idea at the time.

[ImpetuousVrouw]

What's with the attack on the moral turpitude of scouse birds? Bugger off yer bunch of cockney pansies!

[RosieH]

well if it's any consolation Impetuous one, randombloke doesn't need 'em to be Scouse, just unconscious

[Narnia]

Impetuous, is the attack an unfair one?

[Keef]

ImpetuousVrouw Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> What's with the attack on the moral turpitude of

> scouse birds? Bugger off yer bunch of cockney

> pansies!

You never met the scouse bird I ended up with!

[randombloke]

Having been brought up in Merseyside it is often to be preferred if they are unconscious. Saves you having to listen to the accent. RA, RA, RA watch out for dem bizzies...

One is reminded of the joke about the girl from Liverpool who is knocked over and the ambulanceman needs to ensure she is not suffering from concussion. Holding up his left hand in front of her he says "How many fingers have I got up?","Foochinell" she says "I'm paralysed."

I am allowed to say this as it is my native accent and if anyone has an issue with that I'll see you outside orright?

[RosieH]

Christ, what is it about some cunts on this forum that brings out the strident feminist in me?

[Narnia]

I'd tell you if I got the joke.

[RosieH]

I'm glad you don't Narnia - stay that way, altogether nicer.

[Annasfield]

What an absolute load of shite in this thread. Joke or not, it's pretty low.

[ImpetuousVrouw]

So would you, in your huge knowledge of these things, say that scouse birds or Essex girls were bigger slappers? Or is there some area of slapperdom you have discovered that is relatively unkown to those outside of your barrel scraping club?

[Narnia]

Do me a favour and keep to the topic please. A lot of useful advice has been dispensed so far before it descended into crude jokes.

[chez]

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2010/jul/17/change-your-life-advice-hindsight-wish

[randombloke]

So, having offended the OP, by way of repenting and sticking to the original topic:-

1. Do try to budget and find out where you can buy things more cheaply than in supermarkets, try the local markets, butchers, fishmongers etc.

2. Learn to cook simple nourishing food so that you don't waste money on takeaways.

3. Learn how not to waste anything in your fridge. Freeze your leftovers. You can make a meal of them later.

4. Don't blow all your money in the first couple of weeks.

5. Freshers week is fun but dont try to join ALL the clubs/go to ALL the parties/drink ALL the alcohol.

6. Accept that you will meet people who have very different approaches to life than you. People who won't clear away their detritus for 6 weeks and genuinely don't understand why you get stressed that there are no clean plates in the house and the fridge is full of penicillin.

7. Also accept that part of moving away from home is that you might at times feel homesick and lonely. Set your own agenda and stick to it. Don't let yourself be swayed if friends want you to go out and you feel tired, you won't become unpopular just because you don't fancy going on the razz all the time.

8. Enjoy the opportunity to make new friends some of which may well still be friends into old age but DO keep your old friends as part of your social circle.

9. Don't forget to talk to your parents about things that bother you. You are never too old to ask for their advice.

They are still your parents and still have worthwhile things to say. Don't forget to share your triumphs with them as well. 10. Play hard but work harder.

11. Don't sweat it if you don't always excel, accept it, learn from it, move forward. Being rejected is not failure. Failure is giving up.

12. Be kind to people, a smile and pleasant demeanour are as important as being succesful or academic.

13. If you do your very best, nobody can criticise you. Only YOU know if you truly did do your very best.

14. Enjoy it. It's probably the last time in your life you can be relatively carefree before the crushing weight of career, relationships, mortgage, debts, responsibilities and rearing your own children rears up and bites you in the ass and you start looking back and wondering where the hell the last 30 years suddenly went.

15. Most importantly, don't post anything with a hint of irony in internet forums, your sense of humour may well not be the same as other peoples.

16. Finally, if you give someone your word, keep it. For that is how people will judge you both then and for the rest of your days.

[Narnia]

Thanks randombloke. I wasn't offended by the way but some others may have been. I disagree with your point number 15 though.

[Saila]

don't take up smoking?

*runs for cover*

[Narnia]

Thanks Saila.........you can come out now.........he's never likely to get pregnant!

[Narnia]

Well folks the time is approaching fast. Are there any more words of wisdom before I present this thread to my Uni bound son? What would you edit?