THEY LIED!

[legalbeagle]

So I have just found out that my son can take his nappy off on his own. I know this because I just walked into our sitting room to find a huge turd on the floor, next to the grinning pantless boy. And before I could stop him, he kicked it across the room. I have just finished clearing up the flying sausage, including from down his legs, under his toe nails, and the little extra nugget I found 10 minutes later under the TV table when I wondered what the dog was trying to lick.

So I would just like to say to all of those parents who told me that cleaning up your own child's poo isn't that gross, cos it's your own and you love them, well.....

YOU LIED!

[kristymac1]

That made me laugh out loud!

I've always been averse to poo - never minded vomit particularly, but poo has always presented a bit of a problem. Luckily I'm from oop north and DH is from daan sarf so we worked it that way when ever poss!

[GinaG3]

This is a toddler talent. Didn't you know?!

My daughter presented me with a handful the other day, very nice indeed. This isn't too bad, I've heard stories about children, including a few in my family who when left unattended for even a minute would eat even raisins they find in their nappy when they dig into it. The thought is..

ERGHHH!!!!

[Narnia]

Did he kick it with style? If so he may have a career with England in the future so down knock it.

[millsa]

Who told you that your child's poo doesn't smell???!!!

I have always reacted badly to it, but it has gone really bad since I got pregnant with no2. I haven't had any morning sickenss but have puked a few times while changing my son's nappy. He is being potty trained now and I always pray for a poo when we are outside so I can cope a bit better.

dont we all just love the forum - where else can you talk so openly and honestly about poo?!

[jrthomas_uk]

This post made me laugh out loud too. I haven't had the pleasure of finding my boy nappyless but I'm sure its not far away.

[dulwichmum]

Dear Legalbeagle,

What I want to know is where was your au pair when this was going on? And if she was on the trampoline with your older child, where was your damn housekeeper?

I won't stand for this kind of thing. It is a slippery slope you know. Let the help have too much rope and I will hang every one of them...

[KatsuQueen]

Legalbeagle, that made me laugh out loud. Last week I left Minikatsu in his cot playing while I made his morning milk. Came back upstairs to find a room that stank of poo. Yep, nappy off and poo all over my darling boy, the cot, the mattress and worst of all, all over beloved Teddy. Yuk yuk yuk.

[The Nappy Lady]

Part of my cloth nappy demo involves telling parents that popper fastenings are toddler proof whilst Velcro is not for just this reason.

Poor first time pregnant ladies and dads think I'm making it all up I'm sure!!

No1 finally cracked poppers at 2 when only in night nappies, little Sis is trying but hasn't managed it yet (phew).

Motherhood is just so glam eh?!! ;-)

Molly

[brum]

What a very good reason to keep a pet dog... ideal for those hard-to-reach places....! ;-)

[Belle]

that's hilarious (though v much not so at the time I imagine). Mine is def almost pulling his off at the moment, v worryingly (esp as he poos a ridiculous 7 times most days so that would make the odds of an escapee ooh pretty high).

[legalbeagle]

Dulwichmum you raise a very good question. GOD knows where the staff were during "turdgate" but they're in for a good hiding when I find them. One thing I do know is that they weren't on the trampoline with my older child; she was standing next to the offending shite monster uttering the immortal words: "Mummy mummy, Harry's poo'd on the dog."

Which in my panic I dismissed as factually inaccurate, until about an hour later, when the dog came to sit on my lap.

[ryedalema]

L...out....bloomin L! That's soo gross, yet soo funny. I'm sorry LB - I'm sure not funny for you.

When our youngest was a few weeks old we had to take her to the special care unit at Kings (she had prolonged jaundice). The doc left the room as I undressed her and took her nappy off - a stream of mustard colour poo all over his:

- wall

- telephone

- unit of sterilised equipment

- cupboards

- pooter.

Boy was I red faced when he walked back in - it looked like the place had been gunged (ala Ministry of Mayhem if anyone watched that)!

xxx

[dulwichmum]

Well sweetie,

if I were in your slingbacks, I would be using those two word immortalised by Sir Alan Sugar; "You're fired"...

No-one poos on my dog, not ever.

I have a cockapoo you know.

[legalbeagle]

To be fair I'm not sure he actually poo'd on the dog. I think it's more likely he sort of wiped his bum on her as she was passing. She's a very small Cavalier King Charles Spaniel so she's sort of sh*tty bottom height I suppose.

[brum]

Yet another good reason to keep a dog.

[Keef]

Who told you that your child's poo doesn't smell???!!!

Just made me think of This

[Smiler]

:))

[OliviaDee]

a few years ago my eldest girl was flower girl at my brother's wedding. got her all ready in her little white dress - looking angelic etc... etc... 1 and a half minutes left for mammy to brush a couple of teeth, comb a few hairs - scoot into the hotel ensuite come back ONE MINUTE later - and she has opened up a nappy that is full of maltesers - you know those ones? a family size pack and she has thrown the whole lot of them from one end of the room to the other, mashed them into the bed jumping up and down - and yes, 'washed' her hands all down the dress, and then tried to clean it up with a baby wipe. even put some in the minibar which we found later that night. carnage.

and not so long ago my youngest went for her afternoon nap and 20 minutes later we went to investigate due to the smell - two floors away! she had opened up a nice gooey runny one and finger painted every single surface in her bedroom - every wall - every piece of furniture - every item of clothing in the wardrobe - i mean everything. bobby sands would have been proud. and then ... she got the SUDOCREME - i mean at least poo washes out. and she covered herself in sudocrem 'the way mammy does' and then she rolled around all over the bed and carpet and curtains!

shite.

i used to be glamorous.

[Narnia]

What I don't get OD is you thinking you were glamorous and only having a couple of teeth and nearly bald. I used to be Elvis!

[OliviaDee]

i can only see a little bit out of one eye too - and i looked glamorous to me.

[OliviaDee]

but even out of that little bit of eye - you never looked like elvis.

[Narnia]

Costello?

[OliviaDee]

pushing it. no.

[Narnia]

Did I ever tell you how glamorous you looked OD?