Has cheese bridged the class divide?

[Axeman]

It's now a widely accepted concept that cheese has become the new common ground spanning the class divide. Cheese has always been among us, but it was only until recently that the middle classes began promoting cheese and in the process it inadvertently became a social medium; forging class acceptance in a way that locally sourced produce, music festivals and package holidays could only dream of.

It's universally held that smelly cheeses were the ostentatious reserve of upwardly mobile, middle income society. Now it's a different story after the big chain supermarkets got in on the act and made the wheels and wedges of the foreign, multi-coloured alternatives available to the chattering classes. But the real explosion of interest in cheese was undeniably fueled by the Daily Mail during the early '90s when it started offering its easily lead readers the opportunity to travel to France for a pound each way. Fully exposing the ignorant, tar-handed peasants to the socially ascending dairy product. These new pilgrims to the birthplace of poncy cheese started brushing shoulders with their wealthier - chinless - contemporaries, when visiting the rustic dairies/shrines that churn the stuff. Forcing both tribes to endure each other to the point of enlightened acceptance of each others equally peculiar, ghastly and occasionally pleasant habits.

The result?

The re-birth of a harmonious society, enamored with each others fads and foibles. No longer preoccupied with social insecurity when in the company of either higher or lower earners. Eager to enjoy and participate in whatever capacity their broader acceptance of each others customs and values can accomodate. Why, only last week I observed a Guardianista pouring over a copy of Horse and Hound. The following day I spied a bricklayer wistfully engrossed in Proust. I even thought this utopia was being cruelly paradied when I heard a removals man arranging a social event on his newly aquired iphone. Instead of asking his friend if he wanted an evening of drinking and racially motivated violence, he rather casually inquired: "Du Pain, Du Vain, Du Boursin?". Naturally I was overwhelmed at this blue-collared specimens' inspiring example of social progression.

But we mustn't forget that with any change, comes a dark side. And in this case, it come in the form of the cheese conciet.

Even in todays cheese influenced society, one would be foolish to assume that cheese will rid the world of all its ills. But the most pressing priority that demands Parliament's attention is the threat of cheese envy fueled by concieted consumers.

Humans are naturally competitive beings. Indeed, it's part of our survival programming. So it's natural, when producing the much vaunted cheese board, that we want to impress our guests with superior cheese. But we mustn't lower ourselves to mocking what we regard as inferior cheese. That's bullying. And that will threaten all the hard work cheese has done to bring us, as a nation, closer together. For example, last week I was visiting a friend who earns less money than I do, but we never let that get between us, and her daughter came through the front door in tears. On inquiring the reason behind her upset she told us, and I quote: "Alison and Emily were saying that mum and dad are bad parents because they can only afford Austrian Smoked. And that they're gonna tell social services!"

We calmed the child with a Babybel as it dawned on us that cheese was now being used as a weapon. Stunned by the fact that cheese had serruptitiously become a part of our lives to the extent that we depended on it more than it depended on us, sort of.

But what can we do to stop cheese overwhelming us to the extent that we can no longer rely on its presence to differentiate which other families' children we would prefer our children to play with? No offense, but I don't want any of my children asking if those kids from down the road who eat Iceland Cheddar can come round to play.

They might steal something.

[ianr]

You can take an axe to a gorgonzola but you can't make it blink.

[silverfox]

Have you been on the cheese-strings Axeman?

If I were you I'd keep well-away from it, there's more snobbery involved than wine. Cow's milk, Goat's milk, sheep's milk, pasteurised, un-pasteurised, Artisan cheeses, hard, creamy, tangy, dulcet, blue, smoked, fondued, with fruit, with maggots etc etc.

And then there's the question of when to serve it, before the main course (Italy) after the main course and so on. Perhaps those kids from down the road who eat Iceland Cheddar you refer to aren't so daft after all.

[Jah Lush]

Do you sneer at people who eat Dairylea triangles Axeman? I know I do. Shocking isn't it. But one can't help those who won't help themselves. Poor misguided fools.

[melbourne groover]

Is Laughing cow as bad as dairylea? Just asking, not confirming consumption or anything...

[katie1997]

any viewz on cheez stringz and (fake) skweezy cheez?

cheerz

[Jah Lush]

Fear not young Groover. Dairylea Triangles are the lowest of the low. But it's a slippery slope and Laughing Cow is dicing with the sort of urban moral decay that is so prevalent in our modern society. If you know someone who is consuming such gross comestibles without impunity I'd be very concerned for their well being indeed.

[Jah Lush]

katie1997 Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> any viewz on cheez stringz and (fake) skweezy

> cheez?

>

> cheerz

You are beyond redemption. There's no hope for you.

[melbourne groover]

Will pass the information onto my "friend"....

[katie1997]

Jah Lush Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> katie1997 Wrote:

> --------------------------------------------------

> -----

> > any viewz on cheez stringz and (fake) skweezy

> > cheez?

> >

> > cheerz

>

>

> You are beyond redemption. There's no hope for

> you.

That's pretty much as i expected Jah. See you in the CPT later then? ;)

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

You are Stanley Owen Green and I claim my 30 bob.

[Jah Lush]

Oh! not tonight dear. Off to a wine and cheese party in The Cotswolds.

[Axeman]

I understand that in todays financial climate we're all having to consume cheese that we previously thought beneath us, but I'm afraid I can't comment on such an inferior product. I'm not saying that I think I'm better that you in any way. It's just that, well, let's just say that I wouldn't let you use my toilet.

[quote=Jah Lush: Do you sneer at people who eat Dairylea triangles Axeman? I know I do. Shocking isn't it. But one can't help those who won't help themselves. Poor misguided fools.

]

These 'people' you describe should have their ears boxed.

[DJKillaQueen]

hmmmmm...cheese.....I love it, eat tons of it......and did you know that a triangle of laughing cow lite on a piece of celery is the ideal mid morning snack for the weight conscious person.

[katie1997]

So ... when is the raclette party, axeman esq?

[Ridgley]

!Oh please doe's it matter, I eat all kinds of cheese from cheap to posh who cares ;-)

[Narnia]

I never heard a cheese speak to me to be able to determine it's upbringing.

[RosieH]

My favourite class cheese would have to be Port Salut - gratifyingly aspirational

[DJKillaQueen]

Ah now Port Salut is French and they are a republic so it must be classless cheese.....;-)

[RosieH]

Zut alors, non non non: Port Salut is the Margot Leadbetter of the cheeseboard

[DJKillaQueen]

Ah so it's a bit of The Good Life you are after?

I'm more Abigail's Party....so I guess I must be a red leicester nut.....on a cocktail stick with a bit of apple of course lol

[katie1997]

DJ - pineapple, no?

only going by my 1970's children's ' cook'book with explicit instructions on how to slice it along with the cheese, then decorate an orange with cocktail sticks.

( damn those pesky masterchef kids now; its just not right that ten year olds should be able to cook like that, I blame their diet of fancy cheese!!) ;)

[DJKillaQueen]

Them masterchef kids are scary......esp when they torch a creme brulee!

We were too poor for pineapple...it was always apple or sometimes a tinned cherry (don't ask).....

[HAL9000]

Cheese - what a strange first post?

I'm still trying to munch my way through the 1,000 odd varieties that are said to exist - love the stuff.

[HonaloochieB]

Two thick doorsteps of white bread, a smear of Colman's, two Dairylea triangles and spring onions.

That's snackage.