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Just a little venting......... share if you relate

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My husband has been in bed all day with the flu. I get that he's ill, but it's been a long few weeks with work, illness etc. and I'm on empty as it is. He's been watching cricket, drinking hot beverages, eating toast etc. and it all looks pretty cozy from here. Two weeks ago I had it at the same time as our son; not only did I NOT get the day in bed, I was also on ill child duty all night as well. Very grim.

ANYWAY, around 4:00 this afternoon, while in the kitchen slamming drawers and banging cupboard doors shut in my increasing rage, I had a thought:

My husband has officially had more time in bed today nursing the flu than I had in post c-section recovery!

Which then triggered another memory: our first day home (after our first night which I did on my own), me now about

65 hours post surgery, and the health nurse who came by asked where my husband was. I was too kicked in the head at the moment to consider the irony when I told her he was upstairs having a nap because he wasn't feeling great.

No advice is needed, just needed to vent, but some of you can thank your husband tonight if he is a bit more, uh, thoughtful. And if yours is as bad as mine, well at least you know that you're not alone. :)

P.S. My husband is smart and funny. But some days I would trade dumb and boring for a day in bed!

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I'm so with you, sounds very much like my husband! (6) I remember quite clearly one occasion when our son was still a little baby and I was on maternity leave... I must have caught the flu, had quite a high fever and was feeling so bad that couldn't really stand up. So, home comes the husband from work and finds me laying down on the floor trying to find the energy to entertain or at least rock the baby in his bouncer seat. When I asked him if could take over with the baby for a bit because I really wasn't feeling very well he thought he was too tired... That's the day when I figured out how this was going to work and haven't really asked since :)) Most of the time I don't really mind but man are there times that I could think of loads of unpleasant things to do to the husband... >:D
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My husband goes through stages of being ultra helpful, and then so lazy I consider murdering him. He once went 5 months without bathing baby/changing his nappy/feeding him/dressing him/getting up in the night with him etc. He played with him and was all lovely like that, but the nitty gritty? Forget about it. He's sort of going through a stage like this at the moment and I am NOT impressed, being pregnant and suffering from a 3-week-long cold myself.

However, on the flip side, when Baby was born he did EVERYTHING for him. Absolutely everying. He'd even help to latch him in the night whilst I lay down in bed, too exhausted to even open my eyes. I don't think I even knew how to change a pooey baby bum when he went back to work!

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Mr Smiler has had his take-to-bed-man-flu moments, and has led to many fractious exchanges along the lines of 'stop being pathetic and get your arse out of bed' / 'you're an unsympathetic nagging harridan'. Argh.

Gwod - mr smiler did the same thing! The look the midwife gave him was fantastic, we should all call her to sort the blokes out!

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My friend's hubby told my boyfriend (when I was pregnant with our daughter) that the labour part is 'far worse' for the bloke....... the poor chap had suffered sleep and food deprivation!

My poor friend meanwhile had had a really hard time in labour, long and with complications including being ambulanced to a larger hospital more able to deal with her situation.

According to the hubby she was fine as she was "out of it" - the gas and air must be far stronger in Scotland ;-)

To be fair my boyfriend was shocked his mate wasn't hung drawn and quartered on the spot!!

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You've got to laugh really don't you?!

Thankfully Mr Pickle learnt years ago that there's no point taking a sick day, as he'll just be put to work in the house. He's generally pretty good.

Although a week or so ago while I was dealing with my jetlagged daughter here in NZ and not getting much sleep I got an email along the lines of "yeah, I can sympathise, I had a rough night last night - the cat took up my side of the bed and I had to move over to your side". Uh, pardon - how on earth is that a hardship?! This from the man that's had 3 weeks without his nagging wife, and the ability to stay in bed on a Sunday until lunchtime.

He'll get his come-uppance when he arrives in NZ later today - I'm declaring myself officially off child duties for the remainder of my holiday!

P x

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Oh what a relief. I was starting to think everyone else has a husband who was more into the "nitty gritty" as someone put it. Not my husband's strong point. He IS fantastic with the boy though, no doubt about it.

I think the part that makes me so crazy is the assumption that the "bread winner" has a tougher lot so deserves a bit of slack, which is hilarious because he has a much easier day now than I ever did when working full time, before we were parents. Anyway, I'll bite my tongue before I get on a roll and start bitching about domestic drudgery and loss of self and other boring stuff and sounding shrill. It's like chocolates, once you start........

It's good to get a bit of it out though. It's that or drink!

Tomorrow is supposed to be my sleep in. I'm not holding my breath.

BTW, congratulations Fuschia on the new baby! What a lovely Christmas present. If I read your post right, are you saying Mr. F finally came around to helping at night on the fourth baby? :)

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hh, as this baby is currently being fed expressed milk from a bottle, while others were 100% bf, there is more opportunity to help. But actually i am doing the baby, he recently took over the twins, who are prone to night terrors and very early risers. I am ill hence he had to take the baby fri night for a bit,

Also he is feeding him now, i am expressing

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We've got mr jb's mother staying with us at the moment which is great as she's fantastic with the baby. However he has now relinquished all baby duties and she's very insistent that he gets a lie in, endless cups of tea etc. (she also keeps cooking our dinner at 5pm but that's another story!). He's going to be in for a sharp shock when she leaves . .
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Thankfully Mr Pickle learnt years ago that there's no point taking a sick day, as he'll just be put to work in the house.

Not THIS sounds familiar! What is the world coming to, when a man can't take a relaxing sicky, and play xbox / meet his mate (also off "sick") in the pub for the afternoon?!?!?

Life is so unfair!

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Thanks Keef, knew you would understand. I just know you would never take your wife for granted. BTW, have you given us the finger?::o

I know a bunch of women complaining about husbands makes for boring reading. But honestly, some days my husband's capacity for testing the limits of my goodwill is shocking. He could complain about me too, I'm sure there's plenty to complain about, but then who would drive him to the train, make his supper etc.? Right now I am addressing HIS Christmas cards to get the process moving along. And I work too!

The other day I realized that I will never come home to a meal on the table, fresh sheets, or a clean bathroom and that made me sad. Probably what brought on the rant. I think men (not all) need to understood how heavy the burden of details is, and that we are not machines (even machines break down!). I think Christmas makes it harder because the list gets longer, but the days don't. I know mine is not an isolated case of "I'vehadititis"!

Anyway, rant over. Hope you all have a great Christmas and manage to take some time for yourselves! You too Keef!

Fuschia, apologies to your husband then........ sounds like he's actually quite hands on. Lucky!

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helena handbasket Wrote:



> Fuschia, apologies to your husband then........

> sounds like he's actually quite hands on. Lucky!

He's not bad :-)

We wouldn't have gone past child no 1 if it was otherwise, believe me!!

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hh, I totally know what you mean re: 'work' vs 'domestic work'. I work part time and when I've had a tough week with S, I am practically gagging to get back to my boring 'work problems'. I know Husband works his bum off to support us all (my wage is pitiful, we totally rely on his income). I also know that I don't ask enough for help and he's not a mind reader. Got a lie in and a (decaff) coffee in bed this morning. He has said on occassion (4 times in the past year, he's not forthcoming with emotion) that he appreciates everything i've done (i.e. basically given up my life/life long dream to parent).

Last night I said 'You're taking 4 weeks off after Mystery Baby arrives in the summer, no arguments'. He was shocked I'd even suggest otherwise, and said ' I'll take over baby/toddler care so that you can lie in bed resting and nursing, you know that'.

I think he's very extreme- extremely helpful and supportive or extremely crap. Ah well!

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HH - soooo funny as I had to almost sit on my hands to resist posting a very similar thread a week or so ago.

DH had this winter's flu bag and was without any doubt very poorly...however, he took to his bed for 4 ....yes FOUR days...Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and left me to deal with both girls, plus running errands to chemist to pick up assorted drugs for him. Of course I felt some sympathy for the poor chap who was shivering and sweating like crazy....until that is...

Wednesday when he struggled back to work....

Followed by Thursday when, just 48 hours post 'near death' he decided to go out after work to a party and stay out, drinking with his pals until 1am.....

Because we all know that is the IDEAL way to get over a serious bout of flu isn't it.

But then, as he said "It's the only fun I've had in a dreadful week, and I'm flipping well going to make the most of it' (I'm sure you can imagine the comments I had made to illicit that response).....

Friday and Saturday he was coughing and saying how poorly he felt and, hmmmm, let's say I was a little less than sympathetic!

I probably sound so evil, but last time I was ill with something similar I vividly remember carrying on as best I could, until he found me literally in tears and sent me to bed for 2 hours, then got me up warning me I wouldn't sleep later otherwise.

He's a wonderful man and does LOADS to help normally, so I really miss him when he is laid up sick. I think it is just this defining difference between men and women. For me, since being a Mum the hardest thing is that you just don't get to crawl into bed and get time to recover when you are ill, and I really, really miss being able to do that.

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For me, since being a Mum

> the hardest thing is that you just don't get to

> crawl into bed and get time to recover when you

> are ill, and I really, really miss being able to

> do that.

I totally agree Molly.

I had mastitis this week and it went totally unnoticed as hubby was ill with man flu. He got a lie in at the weekend (and there's been no temperature, just coughing and sore throat), while I was up with the babies, boobs in agony, sweating, nips bleeding. I've already had a call this morning to say he felt so bad he fell asleep on the bus on the way to work!

How I wish I could just have a few hours lie in just to catch my breath every now and then, especially when I'm ill......The other weekend I tried for a lie in and hubby came upstairs with the baby to ask what time he was due down for a nap just as I had fallen asleep. I went NUTS as I haven't had more than say 1 or 2 lie ins in 2 years, and even then I can't sodding sleep (6)

As a mum you are just expected to carry on and get on with it, and I'm not complaining, just saying before anyone says 'mums today don't know they are born' (just thinking of a few unsympathetic people on the self esteem thread). I don't think my hubby would notice anything was wrong with me unless my leg fell off! When you are ill and then the kids are ill, its the hardest thing ever. I've said to my husband 'its ok for you, if you are sick you can ring up work and not go in'. Who am I going to call when I'm sick? I can't have a day off, ever! Waaaa poor me etc ;-)

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Keep wondering whether some of you checked the instruction manuals when you chose your spouses. You did realise that some models come without empathy. It's an added extra. Difficult to upgrade at later point. A lot of the smarter looking, high end range have low level specifications in the "domestic" arena. They may be living in the 21st century but they are defaulted to some 1950s outlook.

Money back guarantee. Er, buyer beware!

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I must say mine has been a star the last 24 (which i spent mostly in bed)

He fed baby F at 12.30pm but didn't bring him to me for the night, when I asked why not he said "I thought you wanted me to do the next feed first" I said "Nooo... only staying up till just after your normal bedtime!" esp as he gets up atm at 5.30-6.30am with the twins.

In the end Little F and I had a lie in till 9.30am. Then he took the 3 big ones out to softplay, by bus.

So I have had a fairly relaxed day, seen the midwives, and got a call with our tongue tie appt for 3.45pm today (!) so it's good I am feeling mellow...

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I love this thread soooo much. Its so true, most of it. Some of the posts have had me actually laughing and giggling to myself.

I remember people warning me that a man will only do what you ask him to, no more, and sometimes less. Unless of course you ask again and run the risk of becoming a 'nag'. I thought my OH was an exception to this rule until I found myself saying 'can you do me a favour and give Baby O his lunch, or change his bum etc'. Why was this a favour to me if OUR baby needed feeding, or changing?

SMILER - I agree with you completely on the Post Natal comment. Someone I know recently got diagnosed and to be honest there was a small part of me thinking - are you sure you are not just Peed off with your husband for doing so little and its not PND?!? Not that I am denying the illness exists just I'm sure sometimes the lines might get blurred between feeling 'let down' by your partner and being medically ill.

Also, I remember being told in antenatal not to 'do' any chores or anything too strenuous in the 6 weeks Post Partum. Well if I had followed that advice I would have been like living in what would have looked like a teenagers bedroom spread across the whole of my house. Because he took that advice as being to both of us and I gave up within a few days and cracked on. To be fair when it comes to child number 2,3, or 4 you dont get the luxury of having this time to rest anyway!

On the flipside my boyfriend and baby have a great relationship. And I am sure that my boyfriend will come into his own when our baby is older and wants to go and play football in the park with his Dad.... (watch this space). And in his defence he was up with me until gone 1am this morning with a poorly/ teething baby. I took over and and insisted he sleep as he needed to be up at 5am to drive to manchester. (I was up every 1/2hr throughout the night)

And this doesnt always happen (though I am sure Men think we do) but I did take a sneaky nap when the little man took his this morning I NEEDED to catch up!

Anyway Ladies I'm off to the library to pick up that book Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars. Despite his annoying features I wouldnt change mine from the world and he probably has these conversations with his friends about what us women do. Haha.

Very amusing post.

Adelle :)

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