What is it really like after having a baby

[karter]

Can a tongue tie baby be diagnosed through a 3d scan or only after it is born? They missed this on a friends baby and had the same difficulty of feeding.

[The Nappy Lady]

Jasmina

I had my second with the Brierley & my friend had both hers with them. I can't recommend them highly enough, I've even heard of midwives staying on duty after their shift at times, they are an incredible team.

I'm still friends with the two midwives who delivered C 2 years ago and one of them, despite moving up north popped in over Christmas for a drink as she was in the area!

[Gussy]

Never heard of it diagnosed on a 3D scan. I guess even if it were possible, there's little point as some babies with tongue tie can will breastfeed without problems (although not mine, or many others!). Karter - it gets missed all the time, sadly.

[charlottep]

Yes I agree with fuschia re objective factors. First time around I had a very difficult time, hard birth, tongue tied baby who didn't but should of had the snip. Shocking baby blues too as a result. I remember hearing the term "babymoon" for the first time around about then and thinking how ridiculous! Second time around brilliant birth and brilliant feeder, and wonderful babymoon.

[Fuschia]

Karter, no.. is dx due to feeding problems (poor latch, fussiness, very painful, clicking sound, poor weight gain) though some ties are easy to see. Little F also has a very short chin, actually it's obvious that when he was first born (6lb 8) his little mouth wasn't going to manage it

There are lots of problems can cause difficulty with latching on, best advice is to get good help, early on. Not all Mws are expert, bf cafes/go direct to infant feeding coordinators at Kings is the best advice. Having a breast pump and syringe to hand can avoid needing to use formula in the early days if it's not going well, id you'd prefer not to

[littleEDfamily]

A little bit more from me on the physical aspects. During pregnancy you tend to take things a bit easy (as well you should) so I think it's common to find your stamina has slipped a bit (or a lot). I found I was such a weakling for ages after both (if b/f you still have 'stretchy' hormones floating around which doesn't help).

I tried to do far too much too soon with my first. Be mindful of the massive changes that your body has gone through and will continue to go through post-partum. The reproduction process doesn't finish when the baby comes out!! Don't feel bad about about getting other people to do your dirty (physical) work. We moved 4 weeks after my second and my sister flew out from Australia to help - there is no way I could have done without her. It took all my energy just to tell her where to put the stuff in the boxes (and sometimes, I didn't even have the energy for that). 6 months on a feel like Wonder-woman compared to those early weeks.

[JDR]

Get thread, especially for the woman with 4 children. T you are a legend...

Parenting. Its all the cliches. Its the best (and worst) job in the world. Its harder than you imagine, dirtier, less galmourous and takes away most of the things you held dear ie money, freedom,sleep, time, an evening socail life, your pre preg body, a useful pelvic floor...

But yes, more cliches. Its the best job in the world and I woudn't change it for anything (though a bit more 'me' time would be appreciated)

I've had some bits easier than others. Understanding friends make a huge difference, especially ones that have the sense not to say you are right or wrong but let you just cry when you need to or laugh at your really horrifc sounding child based stories (please insert birth, post preg, poo, colic, projectile vomit, toilet training, tantrum stories here as appropriate). They;ll match you and raise you and you'll all see the funny side, at least once a glass of wine is in your hand...

[sillywoman]

You know, I've been mulling over some of the posts on this thread - specifically the ones about lack of postnatal support within our extended communities. I was thinking that we have the baby-shower idea (I know, I know fun or nasty, commercial American import?) all wrong: It should be after the birth. It should only be women who've already had babies (so that they can speak freely without fear of freaking out those who haven't). A load of Mums should come around on the day that Dad goes back to work - for example, they should all bring food and sit around all day discussing the realities of labour and birth and drinking tea/coffee & eating cake. This might help new Mum normalise crappy labour (or lovely labour if you're lucky) and crappy, sore breastfeeding (or lovely breastfeeding if you're lucky ;-)), and crappy crying (Mum and/or baby) and just generally familiarise new Mum with the new world she finds herself in. That's what a baby shower should be.

[ladyruskin]

sillywoman - can I book you to come round to mine sometime in early August?!

Edited for typo

[pripolla]

sillywoman, loved your idea!

[The Nappy Lady]

My friend & I used to do a thing where one of us watched babies whilst other went for a long soaky bath - in the middle of the day! Bliss!!

[mrs f]

Sillywoman, I LOVE this idea,

I'm so going to organise one when I've had mine.... anyone free in April? Cake at mine!

[Ruth_Baldock]

SW: really loving this idea! Who wants to do mine after Bubs 2 arrives and OH buggers off back to work? Early August-ish. Will have boistrus 19 month old too.

Seriously though, it would have been a lovely thing to have first time round- I remember when OH went back to work, 3rd Jan 2010, one of the worst days of my LIFE D:

[sillywoman]

I'll come to any of them; you know me - always ready to eat cake & talk about labour/birth & babies ;-). So, if you've just had a baby send me your other half's 'back to work' date & I'll be there, cake in hand!

Sound like we could do a joint one for Ruth_B & mrs f.

[snowboarder]

I'm hoping my newbie will arrive really soon. Can you all please come asap. Actually I look like it should have arrived several weeks ago. Will send out an invite in due course...

[Fuschia]

Oooh, any invites much appreciated!

[mfp]

edited to delete- please see post below (by Sparkle)

[sparkle]

sorry just realised I'm writing from someone else's computer and have forgotton to change the log in!

Will try and edit it out, if I can get back into MFP's log in. But the message is mine:

Having read back thorugh this thread I want to say I'm sorry if I upset anyone who has had a difficult experience. I understand it varies enormously between women, and births, and of course support networks are invaluble.

My intention (and I didn't put it very well) was to add a different experience to the thread, just in case anyone who was pregnant for the first time was reading this.

[littleEDfamily]

Sparkle - I'm glad you're on here to bring a different perspective. I tend to be a bit dramatic about the whole birth and kids thing, despite having really quite easy babies and pretty easy births. I do think that feeling exhausted is fairly universal, though, through the sheer relentlessness of it all (unless you are lucky enough to have lots of help). And I do think that some sort of fundamental change in your identity is also inevitable, perhaps only temporarily.

Much as I have enjoyed reading the thread, in some ways, it is pointless trying to give anyone a sense of what life may be like after their first baby comes along due to the objective and subjective factors already discussed. I know my experience with my first vs my second are totally different (except for the tiredness, of course).

[Smiler]

Don't feel bad sparkle, the thread is entitled what it's REALLY like having a baby, people who can't deal with other's stories can choose not to read it!

[Fuschia]

I harp on about how fantastic the twins birth was and how i loved every newborn minute... yet this latest baby I found myself in despair at one point thinking he would never feed, at a time when I was still on BP meds (and turned out had a chest infection AND a UTI) so it proves you can have a totally different experience each time.

[Knomester]

Great idea Sillywoman!

I'd love to be able to help anyone who is a little daunted about OH going back to work and being home alone with their lovely new (and possibly screaming) baby by bringing cake and a smiley face! Just shout if you are in need as there is always a ready supply of cake coming out of my kitchen and if someone else doesn't start eating it soon I am never going to shift this baby weight...!!

[beck]

I would recommend reading 'A Life's Work: On Becoming a Mother' by Rachel Cusk, this is the most honest account of what it is like to become a mother and reassures you that we don't all end up floating around in a blissful madonna stats but actually feel tired and doubt ourselves.

[Fuschia]

And naomi Stadlen: what mothers do (when they do nothing at all) which is about how much of mothering is just "being"

[Smiler]

Every time I go past Kings I want to go and do something to help the ladies on the postnatal ward, e.g. Bring cake, try to help if baby crying, clean a bathroom!