Dedicated to lovers everywhere

[louisiana]

Men, eh? They give you all kinds of guff. But this perhaps the biggest guff I've ever been fed.

Copied below is an email from a guy (not local) I had a fairly serious relationship with for a while. As you'll see from what he says. All names and places and everything else that could be used to identify have been removed, to preserve dignity etc. I'd just like you focus on the sentiments he reports, as you read.

***

I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear but I've had it

eating me up for weeks now. Every 5 minutes of every day, I think of

you. All day long. I think of how we were in good times and I curse

myself for not nurturing that. I know differently now, but for a long

time I was in denial of my true feelings for you. Before I get too

carried away here, let me say I realise we DID have our troubled times

and I DID handle those badly, but that's my unreconstructed self

coming to the fore, I should have been a bit more generous with my

emotions instead of the selfish arse that I must have been.

So what's changed? I have. Quite simply, I've had the realisation

(probably for the last 6 months or more) that you and I were very very

special. Of all the relationships and marriages I've had over my life

so far, no one has touched me so deeply as you did. I know I fought

against it, I admit that, although in my defence I once had this

naive notion that I'd play the field just after I'd got divorced [editor's note: for the third time].

In

truth I look back on our early days together as quite wonderful, you

were a complete rewrite of my life and I've only just realised it. We

had some great times of course, and in some ways that's the driver or

this email. Do yo think I could ever go back on a walking holiday to

the xxx Isles without you? Do you think I could ever go on a cycling

holiday without you, wherever that might be? And do you think I could

ever go dancing or to a festival or just to a 'listening' gig without

longing for you to be next to me?

Every day I find some new piece of music and *ache* to talk to you

about it. To bring it to you, to lay in bed and drink it in together.

It only works with you, I know that now. Maybe you do too.

Over the past few weeks - as I've built up the courage to say all this

to you - I've realised what I did wrong over the period of our

relationship. Ok, I think the spell working in xxx did for us more

than I realised at the time, but more fundamentally I didn't give you

the support you needed at that critical time xxx. I should have been more

there for you.

There was always the seemingly insolvable problem of where we lived.

Not to go over it again, I fully understand why you never ever would

have seen xxx as viable, and from my side, trying to balance work

(as it used to be) and keeping close proximity to xxx and xxx. If

you and I find a way to resume a life together I propose moving away

from xxx, and would offer up a suggestion that I could more in

with you for most of the week, then spend a day or two back here to

fulfil my obligations to xxx. That's a temporary solution of course,

but it's way better that anything we actually achieved while we were

together. In the coming year I hope we could find a tenant for this

place and I take a rental on somewhere for us together. Not sure

where that would be, London or country, but it's something we could

plan for.

Short term, I have dreams of you and I going away together again. Xxx

would be superb, we could do the southern area south of xxx, that

we missed last time. Or later on, xxx, or xxx again, or all of

the above? :)

It just takes the will, and the faith that what we had was more that

just a passing thing (it was WAY more than that). I mean it when I say

I want t spend the rest of my days with you. I want t grow old in your

company. I want to enjoy that relaxation. You've loved me in the past,

perhaps you can see that again and help to nurture us though a

reconciliation? I think we both have strong love for each

other and it should be given a chance.

I'm fully aware this will not go down well with your friends, and

that's a big hurdle you'd need to cross. I realise my name is probably

mud with everyone. Please, just follow your heart.

***

This email was followed a few hours later (the next morning) by another from the same guy that said

"Wow. Who says men can't express their emotions :)

"I'd been drinking with xxx yesterday and I've no doubt that gave me

the courage to call and write to you, and so I just re-read what I'd

written (in case I'd gone over the top) and no, I've no regrets, quite

the opposite :)"

and

"If now isn't a good time for you then I'll wait."

and

"Looking forward to having a chat sometime, when you've thought all this through."

***

It's actually a not bad portrayal of what had happened, give or take bits here and there. (Note: on work - we both work from home. On my friends and what they would have thought: he never met them, as he never hung around long enough to meet them - in four years - so they actually have no view.)

However, calls in response to these two emails were never returned. And he's actually going out with someone else. :-S

I think I shall file this one under *fantasist fiction*.

[Jah Lush]

Desperate! That makes me feel embarrassed for my fellow man. A three times loser. My word what a twat. I do not know you Louisana but you are so much better off without this pathetic specimen of human life. Onwards and upwards. Next!

[????]

Playa......without a shadow of a doubt

[louisiana]

Jah, his three failed marriages were definitely a clue. I plead guilty as charged :-$

[Atticus]

Ego on overdrive, us men are quite fond of ourselves sometimes!

[louisiana]

Atticus, the cognitive dissonance going on there is something to behold, no?

[zeban]

Wow, words cannot even describe what a complete and utter sad *@%& he clearly is.

[????]

Playa, palya, play THIS is the only bit he really means...

..

[Atticus]

Great description but I'd say that he's more calculated than that, he's just twisted everything.

[LuLu Too]

I got bored by sentence three of paragraph two, when I got to the word "marriages"(note: plural!)>

Yawn...

I trust you have moved on Louisiana?

[Loz]

There's generally two types of blokes: the ones that, for them, writing this letter would be an emotional mountain and would leave them in an entirely vulnerable space. The other type is the one that realises that "chicks dig this emotional stuff".

I think we can safely assume he is one of the latter.

[Scribe]

The above just goes to show the lengths some guys will go to to get their CD's back from past girlfriends. At any rate, you've got to admire the ruthless subterfuge this guy's employing.

[louisiana]

Scribe, I'm actually the girl with all the CDs :) cursing all the exes that have walked off with my classic vinyl.

[Atticus]

The final vinyl, that's when you know it's over.

Time for the old Prisoner Cell Block H theme tune.

[daizie]

Sounds like a drama queen who wants attention . Poor you louisiana.

Id have ignored him or sent a message back saying 'who is it' ?

[brum]

Give the bloke a break. He's done nothing wrong other than try to win back an ex girlfriend!

[legalbeagle]

Well......he's asked you to follow your heart.

Have you?

What does it say?

[Atticus]

Yeh Brum, you're right his sincerity should win the day, seems like a nice guy after all. I'd like to buy this guy a pint.

[brum]

legalbeagle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Well......he's asked you to follow your heart.

>

> Have you?

>

> What does it say?

I think I can guess!

[Scribe]

Uh-oh... The latest posts confirm that the mob can be a fickle beast, Louisiana.

I'm going to occupy the neutral ground by declaring that your actions on this thread deeply disgust me - until proven otherwise, that is.

[legalbeagle]

I'm not taking sides either way. Just asking. I think it's clear Louisiana isn't keen, but I'm interested to know whether she is in no doubt at all, wonders if there could be a grain of truth, or took ages wavering before deciding. I find it's rare I'm this certain about anything, so I'm curious. Unless he is an irredeemable plonker, he must have some good points, no?

[louisiana]

legalbeagle Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Well......he's asked you to follow your heart.

>

> Have you?

>

> What does it say?

Well legalbeagle, I followed my instinct, which said he was an insincere time waster incapable of keeping his trousers up, which proved to be correct. There appear to have been different lines fed to various women, perhaps with varying degrees of insincerity. Which I am reminded of when I open up the Address Book on my Macbook and see "Alison from Soulmates" splashed across the screen. (Yes, he inadvertently dumped his 'dating contacts' on my machine.)

[legalbeagle]

And at this point I will gracefully retreat, and give up any hope of putting the alternative view. The bloke is an unmitigated arse. Run to the hills. Really. If you see hills, start running towards them. I cannot help this man. And nor should you.

Alison might though? After he's blown her up, of course......

[Scribe]

If backpedaling was an Olympic sport, Atticus, I can guaruntee that you'd be in with a shot for the gold.

[brum]

I too am feeling less sympathetic to this guy. His silky patter almost had me there....