Vasectomy recommendation

[Belle]

Gosh - i'd have thought a vasectomy a far less drastic procedure than a hysterectomy? The latter takes weeks to recover from doesn't it? Grr indeed.

[Ruth_Baldock]

Correct, Belle! I think, THINK, vasectomy is day surgery*, where as hysterectomy more akin to a c-section in terms of being risky. Very invasive in any case.

*Yes, yes, I know ALL surgeries, however small, carry risk...

[The Nappy Lady]

Keef - I think there are 2 very strong groups of through on the male side of this, I know quite a lot of men who have recently decided to have the snip because they are happily settled, with what they consider to be a 'complete' family. They had the op of their own free will without pressure from their partners, but since then I know of at least 2 couples who have said (I summarise) that it is 'wonderful' to be able to relax and enjoy having sex without having to think about contraception.

Then you get men like yourself (I think from your posts), and my hubby (bless him) who just cannot and will not ever, ever be willing to have the op done. That is his decision and I'd never try to change his mind, though it does mean that in our case the responsibility for contraception remains my responsibility, and quite frankly it is a bit of a pain one way and another. He is pretty honest about it - he doesn't want to feel like he couldn't have any more children, if he ever wanted or needed to...though as far as we are both concerned we don't plan to have more. As you never know what is around the corner I feel that is fair enough - my Dad was 60 when I was born, so he's still got (potentially) a good few years left in him. :))

It is interesting that people tend to fall firmly into one or other camp though don't you think, and actually I've come across the same thing with dog owners i.e.being either totally pro spaying and neutering, or totally against neutering dogs, though in this case many are still happy to spay a bitch. I think especially men feel like it is a betrayal to get their dog done. LOL.

I can actually see both sides of the argument, and if I was a bloke I'm not sure I'd get it done I have to say. Maybe it is a bit of a head versus heart decision too....just doesn't 'feel' right. I know I've been a bit tongue in cheek about it all, but it isn't intended in a nasty way.

Anyway...I digress.......and dinner is (finally) ready.....

[pebbles]

Thank you everyone and even though I have forwarded Mr Pebbles this thread he is still going to book appt with GP tomorrow.

Nappy Lady - I agree, it has to be mans decision, it's major for them and therefore they need to feel it's the right thing for them. Luckly for me as the coil isn't working for me (tmi) and condoms just send shivers down Mr Pebbles spine at the best of time let alone for the next 15 years or so he jumped (well not literally) at the chance of a solution that he could help with!!!

[Keef]

I suspect opinions change with circumstances. Ask me again once baby number 2 arrives. I'll probably be out in the shed with a hack saw!

[Mellors]

Keef - I have to say that my husband's opinion changed radically with No 3 on the way and a 2 & 4 year old already .....I think he will be v relieved to know we won't be banging out any more of the little blighters, even if it does mean getting done!

[derbyean]

The divorce rate is rising,

and marriage is no longer for life,

many are marrying or 'shacking up' together for a second or third time,

a vasectomy seems very permanent,

frequently it cannot be reversed - damaged during the initial op.

[jills]

derbyean Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> The divorce rate is rising,

>

> and marriage is no longer for life,

>

> many are marrying or 'shacking up' together for a

> second or third time,

>

> a vasectomy seems very permanent,

>

> frequently it cannot be reversed - damaged during

> the initial op.

SOME marriages may not be for life. I think someone willing to go for the big v sounds pretty contented with his lot to me. For those who are uncomfortable with the permanence of it (From a quick search it sounds like less than 50% are reversible) you could freeze sperm and get the birth control without the finality of it all.

[pebbles]

Keef - I just asked my husband whether he would have considered it before and he laughed and said absolutely no way so I do think it's something that a man can only come to terms with when they are ready to finish their family too.

derbyean - obviously everyone has their own thoughts and opinions of what marriage is and luckily my husband and I are of the opinion that ours is for life, irrelevent of statistics and actually when i argued against my husbands offer and said are you sure i used the analagy of what happens if I die and you meet someone and want to have a family with them? I'm not ignorant (I come from a broken family myself), I just believe 100% in my marriage.

[derbyean]

Hi pebbles, I believed 100% in my marriage too......

[pebbles]

I apologise derbyean - I wasn't suggesting you didn't but just that the way you phrased your last comment wasn't how we viewed things.

[DenmotherSmith]

After four children my partner said "enough is enough" and booked himself into the Marie Stoppes in Brixton, it cost about ?500, was done under local anathestic and was all over in about 45 minutes from arrival to me picking him up! Takes about 3-5 months to get the all clear. He has had absolutely no problems.

I personally find it a real show of dedication to us and our children. More of a commitment then any gold band or marriage certificate. Taking charge of the family planning, and not seeing it as "a womans chore" is one of the most manly things any man can do.

Does it show how bloodly relieved I was to be rid of the responsibility!!!!

[pebbles]

I like that DenMotherSmith

I'm assuming then that you would recommend Marie Stoppes because that was the one he/we were considering?

I think what I liked was that he said to me why don't i rather than me persuading him - if that makes sense

[DenmotherSmith]

Yes, he was very happy with it. There was no waiting before the appointment and aftercare was minimal but fine. Ie here is your sample bottles, here are the dates when to send them back , call us if you have any problems.

PS top post vasectomy tip, antibacterial talc powder, keeps it all fresh and dry!! TMI I know but partner swore by it!

[littleEDfamily]

I had not thought of this as a possible means of contraception. Don't know why it hadn't occurred to me, but I am very keen on the idea. Husband, disappointingly, is in the camp of 'never would consider it; I'd feel less of a man'. I even guaranteed to treble the frequency of the jigginess and he's not having a bar of it.

[Ruth_Baldock]

LEDF: You're nicer than I am! I made no such promises; just threats.

[littleEDfamily]

Ok, I'm going to try threats.....

[Keef]

I do think it's a bit out of order to suggest that a man who won't have it done, is some sort of git who just expects the woman to take responsibility for everything, which seems to be the suggestion in a couple of posts.

[zeban]

I agree Keef. It really needs to be a man's decision. They're not taking the pill, it's a bloody vasectomy! How can you make threats or promises? seriously women get a grip!

[littleEDfamily]

No one is honestly suggesting forcing their husbands to get the snip. Well I'm not anyway, but it has got me thinking, in general people still do too readily assume women will just take the pill or 'sort it out' some other way. Let's not forget the physical consequences for women of unwanted pregnancy, even within the context of a long term relationship are huge. In that way, we women are fundamentally held to ransom when it comes to contraception, so I don't feel guilty at all for wanting to try and transfer some of that responsibility to the other party. You may not necessarily be a 'git' for refusing to have the snip, but ultimately the message is 'rather you than me, honey!'.

[zeban]

I agree littleEDfamily completely and utterly. However it's just so final that's all. No one knows what the future might hold, even if you feel you take control of one part of your life, you have no idea how you might feel in 10 years time or what might happen. I wouldn't want to put such a final line there, and that doesn't mean your unsatisfied with what you already have.

It's a very personal decision that's all. And going beyond the gender implications of this if it was the woman that felt so strongly rather than the man then maybe she would consider sterilisation?

[Moos]

...except that a hysterectomy is a far, far bigger deal as an operation and a physical change than a vasectomy.

[karter]

Blimey. Please delete this frm.

[zeban]

Moos sterilisation is NOT the same as a hysterectomy!!!!

?Sterilisation? means preventing the woman from becoming pregnant by means of various different operations in which her Fallopian tubes are blocked or cut through ? thus making it very difficult for her eggs to reach her womb.

A hysterectomy is NOT offered when you asked to get sterilised.

There's no need to think it's so extreme because it's not at all. It's even done as a day patient!

Here's some info: http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/sex_relationships/facts/sterilisation_women.htm

I hope both men and women realise this.

I also think it's deplorable that anyone, either man or woman, would pressurise their partners into it if their partners were not choosing this. I know the burden of contraception falls on women and it's a pain in the butt but gender politics shouldn't come into coercing someone to have a permanent operation they don't want to have- and I think its fair enough if they don't want to have it!

[Moos]

zeban, just caught up with your response - many thanks for the detailed clarification. I had honestly only ever heard of female sterilisation consisting of a hysterectomy, clearly that was completely wrong & I'm sorry if my comment perpetuated that myth. I also agree with your comment on pressure.

karter, I don't understand your post.