How to chop an onion

[Annette Curtain]

Loz Wrote:

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> Good lord - after the picture in Step 3, step 4

> would be "Go straight to A&E and have fingers

> reattached".

Have your eyes tested while you're there t:);-) loz. It's a craft skill & if you take the time to learn, then fingers do survive ( mostly )

Coming soon:

How to butter bread.

N(tu)

[Loz]

Annette Curtain Wrote:

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> Coming soon:

>

> How to butter bread.

>

Given the "how to injure yourself" approach of those pictures, does this involve a chainsaw by any chance?

[Moos]

Dear friends, please don't fight. You are all so kind.

Btw, made a yum supper for the sprogs.

[citizenED]

Braised onion on toast?

[dbboy]

Followed shortly by how to crack eggs

[giggirl]

Moos I think you need to find other ways to express your fabulousness. I too hate cooking. I'm in the throws of completely refurbishing my house. Apparently it's a legal requirement that every home has a kitchen so I'm planning one (in a fashion). To the annoyance of my builders and the nice lady in the kitchen shop I'm constantly distracted because, basically, I just don't give a toss.

The deadline's come and gone for making choices and decisions and the builders keep asking me questions about what's going where and this and that about plumbing and how many power points and gas and on and on and on blah blah. I've got to knuckle down and make some decisions but it's very tedious. I've found a fabulous cooker which is very shiny and powder blue and has knobs that look like kisses. Obviously I'm having that because I'm in love with it but it will remain shiny. Lots of empty cupboards - that's what my kitchen will have.

My inner goddess has gone down a different path and I don't (thank God) have a pressing need to chop an onion. Best of luck Moos (my heart goes out to you). Look after your fingers though.

Pxx

[Annette Curtain]

Ooooooh.

I meant to say.....

http://img560.imageshack.us/img560/9942/photo2ti.jpg " Clean up after "

[david_carnell]

Is that a St Johns ashtray?

Nice touch.

Too much ketchup though....and you need to draw a nail on your prosthetic!

[Jeremy]

I agree with Loz and Annette, you only really need to cut it along 2 axis after halving it.

[Annette Curtain]

david_carnell Wrote:

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> Is that a St Johns ashtray? Of course

>

> Nice touch.

>

> Too much ketchup though....and you need to draw a

> nail on your prosthetic!

I had cut my ( imaginary ) throat first.

( plus it is Wilkin & Sons Tiptree Ketchup )

:)

[Moos]

I think we'll call that a partial success. The baby ate his, mashed. The big'un said he doesn't like carrots or parsnips or potato or sweet potato or onion, only the chicken and the couscous. I didn't mention the garlic. Hey ho.

[david_carnell]

No veg?

Only meat and carbs?

What you appear to have given birth to, Moos, is a.......boy.

[Moos]

You mean there may still be hope?

Don't lead me on, Carnelli. I read a terrifying article t'other day in which it was stressed that you must never force children to eat anything, but that simultaneously it is vital that they be introduced to a wide range of healthy foods, and just poking at them on a plate doesn't count (I checked).

[david_carnell]

Well my parents will tell you that as a baby I'd eat anything you gave me, whether it was a foodstuff or not, but that I gradually rejected more as I grew older. This reached a nadir/zenith (according to whether you ask them or me) in my early teens.

Subsequently I'm now eating all the things I didn't for years....liver, marmite, olives etc

I don't think there is a magic bullet. Except letting him play with it. The food that is. Boys love that.

[Moos]

*joyfully kisses the Carnell*

Anyway, I don't care. Just got to keep on trucking, and indeed find other ways to express my fabulousness. I'm presently one of a pair of Viking beards the Moosling & I made today, and slaying dragons.

[XXDECORATORXX]

yep love cooking, thats the worst bit my eyes watering, just found out rinse onion under tap and your eyes dont water.

[aspidistra]

Whem I was a nipper, hanging out in the rat-infested fishpond kitchens of some war-zone kibbutz, I learned to chuck peeled onions into a bucket of cold water before chopping. (I chopped around eight buckets of them every morning in the main kitchen.) Does it reduce tearfulness? I believe it does, but I haven't conducted a proper study.

Other life lessons learned at the time: lots of loud banging with pans will drive rats out of the place you want to go into; don't wait to *hear* the missile/rocket heading towards you as by then it will be far too late! etc. etc.

[Muley]

Good God Moos, it seems like only yesterday you were offering your home made organic runner bean marmalade to all and sundry in the Quiet Room. And now you admit to being unable to cook?

Oh cruel deception.

[Loz]

I can understand the 'dip in cold water' trick working. Onions, when cut, produce hydrophilic sulphur compounds that react with water to produce sulphuric acid. That's why you cry - you have a weak solution of sulphuric acid in your eye. Having water around the onion when you cut it would give the sulphur something to react with other than your eye tears.

Cutting them underwater would probably work better, though. But is probably rather impractical.

[Moos]

Muley Wrote:

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> Good God Moos, it seems like only yesterday you

> were offering your home made organic runner bean

> marmalade to all and sundry in the Quiet Room. And

> now you admit to being unable to cook?

>

> Oh cruel deception.

Ha ha, I'd forgotten the marmelade! I can do lots of things in the Quiet Room that I can't do in real life.

*Opens door to Quiet Room and flies in*

[Moos]

Oh dear. Seems I'm going to need those reasonably-priced classes. The theory is both clear and rather beautifully simple, but I have so far found the damn' onion to fall apart at the second slicing. Zounds!

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

For a jolly good cup of coffee, I'm happy to demonstrate. x

[Moos]

I'm renaming this thread Moos' Kitchen Conundrums.

Good people of the forum, you have rescued my children from having to eat food full of lumpy onions and laced with their mother's blood. I thank you.

Now, a new dilemma. I have a bunch of judgy-wudgy relatives turning up for lunch on Sunday all slavering and expecting to be near-poisoned. I've received a number of nervous offers to contribute courses, all of which I have politely declined.

Having decided that starters are for wimpy, mushroom-stuffing types, I'm giving them Nigel Slater's lemon roastchicken bits with basil & tarragon, and lots of good booze.

What pudding can you kindly suggest that is:-

a) summery & light

b) delicious & looks impressive

c) can for preference be made in advance

d) (and this is important) cannot be ballsed up by a chump

thank you!!

Moos

[????]

Fromage Frais - Luxury Lemon curd - mix well put in glass bowl, sprinkle Flake all over top, refrigerate well.....don't blame quids if goes to pot (do a trail run maybe)

[Loz]

Moos,

My wife did these for a dinner party once and they looked really impressive and went down a treat. If you have the Gordon Ramsay "Just Desserts" book it is in there too. They are stacks, rather than the traditional pudding.

http://www.channel4.com/4food/recipes/chefs/gordon-ramsay/summer-pudding-with-lime-creme-fraiche-recipe