Euphemisms that drive you mad

[mockney piers]

yep, give me usage rather than utilisation any day.

Utilised extensibility doesn't necessarily reflect the quality of an applied value-solution.

oops.

Longer doesn't mean better.

[barrymarshall]

not really euphemisms, but I get annoyed with the proliferation of "solutions" to everything:

"digital colour solutions" (photocopiers)

"staff refreshment solutions" (water coolers)

etc, etc.

[mockney piers]

Do you read private eye? They have them there every issue, have been some absolute classics over the years.

"The Blue Team: Outsourced Vehicle Movement Solutions "

CAR DELIVERIES

"Clegg: Accommodation Solutions "

FLATS

"Integrated Care Solutions (Shropshire): working in partnership to deliver Residential, Day-care and Extra-care solutions "

NURSING HOMES

"Uniq's Vision is to be the most exciting provider of chilled food solutions to our customers across Europe "

READY MEALS

[barrymarshall]

yes, I do read the Eye!

I nearly sent one in a while back. I bought some fresh coriander and when I got home I found the company was called Fresh Herb Solutions.

http://www.freshherbsolutions.com/index.html

[barrymarshall]

or there is the tautologous "Solutions Recruitment: a leading provider of recruitment solutions" (job agency)

[Brendan]

I really hate B.C.E and C.E instead of B.C and A.D. Let?s just sort out our uncomfortable perceptions of the past with stupid euphemisms. Why not burn the history books while you?re at it.

It makes about as much sense as:

Most of the days of the week are named after old Germanic gods. Today is Thor?s day. Thor is the thunder god of a historically dominant culture and is not fully representative of our current society so any further use of Thursday is clearly discriminatory and must cease this instant.

[barrymarshall]

"Sleeping Solutions" (beds)

http://www.sleepingsolutions.co.uk/

"Currency Solutions" (foreign exchange)

www.currencysolutions.co.uk

"Vet Solutions: Vet Solutions provide high quality practice management solutions for the Veterinary Profession in the UK

[barrymarshall]

Brendan - what do BCE and CE stand for? I can't work it out.

[barrymarshall]

"Food Solutions Partnership" (caterers)

[TillieTrotter]

CE, common era, or christian era....BCE before the....

[barrymarshall]

thanks!

[Keef]

On the subject of corprate jargon, I hate the term Champions.

I am a "Systems Champion" at work because I know how to use the computer, and people ask me when they get stuck. We have champions for everything in my office.

[mockney piers]

he he, good work BM

Applied Language Solutions - High Quality Language Solutions, delivered on time...with a smile!

TRANSLATIONS

[mockney piers]

Does that make you a forum champion keef ;)

[barrymarshall]

there's a book called "Podcast Solutions" (how to make a podcast)

[Keef]

No, think you've got that one covered :))

I am forum frontrunner.

[Brendan]

"Brand Champion" - i.e. Knows how to change the font in Word.

[SteveT]

Logistic solutions. van deliveries

[Brendan]

mockney piers Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Utilised extensibility doesn't necessarily reflect

> the quality of an applied value-solution.

> oops.

> Longer doesn't mean better.

Reminds me of a paper written by someone from somewhere that I heard about somehow, entitled:

Consequences of Erudite Vernacular Utilized Irrespective of Necessity

[citizenED]

"non-drop" Christams Trees. Doh!

[Jah Lush]

Catering manager in a growing concern = Tea boy on a building site.

[citizenED]

Not exactly a euphemism, but what about this - the sign on skips that reads "level loads only". Has anyone ever, in this life or any other seen a skip that wasn't piled high?

[Brendan]

Estate Agent when refering to pin-striped tit-cockers

[dave]

Not sure if it really qualifies as a euphemism, or if it's just cliche mixed with ellipsis, but "end of" used on its really gets my goat - as in "He's sacked. End of." I don't mind if people say "end of story" which I am guess was the origin of the phrase, but "end of" along? No. Please.

On the positive side, a mate used to have an entry on his CV for a period as a "Client Relocation Manager" - bouncer, to you and me.

[Keef]

Something I read in an Australian magazine last year

"Essex girl panty dampener Shane Warne was in the news today"