Life Tips

[????]

A thread for genuinely helpful tips, not the Viz ones. BEHAVE NETTIE.

Going on a flight with your other half or a friend, if you're choosing your seats online then one of you choose the ailse seat and the other the window. Unless the flights full then a seat between two strangers is far less likely to be taken, so you usualy get an empty seat in your row. If it is taken most people will willingly swap for an aisle or window seat so you still get to sit together.

Keep 'em coming.

[Brendan]

Don't be a dick.

[steveo]

if you drop your keys in a volcano, just let 'em go, because man they're gone

[Annette Curtain]

Erm.....

Port & Starboard of a craft (whilst facing toward the front)

"There's a little Port LEFT in the bottle"

So Port = Left.

Starboard = Right

[the-e-dealer]

End up with some smelly git sat between you.

[the-e-dealer]

If you want to get ahead get a hat.

[Voyageur]

If you wear red shoes ALWAYS wear knickers to confuse the buggers!

[the-e-dealer]

dont forget the fruit gums mum.

[Salsaboy]

You're never alone with a clone.

[the-e-dealer]

Dont call policemen plebs . Especially when 2 have just been murdered and you rely on their protection.

[PaulK]

Dont go to bed with an itchy arseole

[Jessie]

Or any other sort of arsehole

[????]

Well played :)

[MrBen]

Stop working for monolithic faceless corporations aimed at making institutional shareholders rich and actually start a business of your own. Hard work yes, but it buys you priceless freedom and time if it works out. Choose when and how long to take holidays/lie in and you'll never get that Monday morning feeling again.

And don't wank with headphones on when the missus is out or you may surprise your Polish electrician.

[red devil]

MrBen Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> And don't @#$%& with headphones on when the missus

> is out or you may surprise your Polish

> electrician.

AC/DC...

[Annette Curtain]

Oh dear....

Well you can't say that I didn't try Quidsy

[Alan Medic]

The only way I can remember which way the clocks change is 'Spring forward, Fall back'.

[DaveR]

Never drink in a pub with a flat roof.

[BestElectrics]

Be thankfull and Try to enjoy today because yesterday will never come again

[woodrot]

when an local gangster and murderer gets nicked for killing a couple of cops, try to resist the urge to make a facebook page in his honour

[the-e-dealer]

Ladies first

[steveo]

Don't try and get scratches out of sunglasses lenses with Brasso.

It scratches them even more and you have to throw them away.

[womanofdulwich]

Its not a good idea to tell your partner everything.

[maxxi]

If you know you are about to experience projectile vomiting (and you do, always, know) don't attempt to block it with your hand.

You will only succeed in spattering people/objects/vistas to your left and right (*see "dangers of thumbing your own hose") as well as risking temporary blindness, upchuck-immolation and possible choking.

Let it fly and look your victim square in the eye as you do. It's only fair.

[dulwichgirl2]

Be polite to everyone, difficult though it is. Especially policemen at no. 10