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Padded Cell - screech and scream to your hearts content *contains rudeness*

mockney piers

By mockney piers
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mockney piers

mockney piers

Posted
Posted

Anything goes* here.


Boss getting you down, bus just splashed your new dress with muddy water? Release your pent up aggression here.

No need to expect sesnible debate, don't worry, no guardian reader can chastise your spittle-flecked rants here, if you want a serious discussion, take it somewhere else.


They're all b******s, blimmin politician's dogs getting hoodies putting up fences on our greens with needles, whilst cavorting around in three wheeled buggies drinking overpriced lattes and eating expensive bread...bbl**y middle /upper/working class freaks I've had it up to here, I'm leaving the street/area/country.


You get the picture. If you still need some inspiration, then look no further than here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/talking_point/default.stm


*As long as it falls within the falls within the forums ToU

*Bob*

*Bob*

Posted
Posted

The Theatre


Was is it with The F**king Theatre?


It starts too early to allow you a proper meal before. It finishes too late to have one after. You arrive late anyway - as usual. The seats squeak. Fat people squeeze past. Their arses brush against your midriff. You smile politely and pretend it didn't happen.


During the interval you are treated to some warm, appalling white wine - served in a plastic glass. Some people discuss the first half loudly whilst leaning back on one foot, hand on hip and looking up at the ceiling. I want to kick them in the shins. Others frantically text or rush out to puff on a miserable cigarette.


There is something about urinating in The F**king Theatre which is most unsettling. I can't quite put my finger on it, but every time I'm in there - in a row of silent men all staring dead ahead (hoping no-one thinks they're trying to sneak at look at anyone else's cock) - I just want to scream something utterly profane, pull my trousers down and curl one down right there and then. But what would be the point? Everyone would pretend not to notice. There are only two dryers and twenty men pissing. Do I hover and prolong the agony, or do I have a cursory splash and shake and hurry off, hoping no-one is thinking you dirty bastard.


And then a bell rings. And it's back to more of the same. Prepare to suspend that disbelief TO THE MAX. The man three seats down bellows with ostentatious laughter at the poorest of gags. And then it hits me. He's laughing as the lines are said. This c**t has seen the show before! Probably last week. He gets all the jokes and boy does he want you to know it. Thank god I had the foresight to stock-up on warm wine and two pots of Haagen Dazs.


I can't stop looking at the people in the 'box' opposite. Yes, I know it's a box and that makes you special, but is their any need for you to drape your coats, arms and legs over the side of it like you're at home on your sofa? Why not go the whole hog and order a pizza and flick the crusts at the proles below?


Is it rude to leave before the cast have had all of their curtain calls? Including the 50/50 one where they weren't sure but thought they'd do it anyway? I would if I wasn't so polite, but I suppose I'll remain seated, clapping half-heartedly like an imbecile to the very last.


So there you have it. The F**king Theatre, creeping into your life as you get older. Like death.

citizenED

citizenED

Posted
Posted

My sentiments exactly *Bob* - could never quite articulate to my thespian friend why I disliked the theatre so much and now you've done it for me - I'll print this out and next time i see him I'll hand it over.


Anyway, you know you'll soon be writing something for the organ during the intermission.


Oh, and in the spirit of this thread - how I bloody hate it when people put words in my mouth...!

KalamityKel

KalamityKel

Posted
Posted
Speaking of putting words in someones mouth... apparently "you'll have to sort payment out wiv the person who got your ticket" translates into "'ere bob she dont know nuffink" :-| "yes madam that's exactly wot I have just said" *rolls eyes*
Keef

Keef

Posted
Posted
Sets of guitar strings!!! It's always the same feckers that break (G and D), and the shop never have singles because everyone else has bought them all because THESE ARE THE STRINGS THAT BREAK MOST!!! So you have to buy a whole new set and replace them all (pain in the arse) even though the other strings are all fine and you only put them on last week!
Brendan

Brendan

Posted
Posted

I have a theory about that. It is because on a 3+3 headstock the G and D strings have the longest bit above the nut before they enter the tuning head. For some reason this makes them weaker.


Question is, with a 6 inline headstock will it always be the B and high E strings that break?


Any strat players out there who could enlighten?


Or am I way off the mark.

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